Vernal Equinox sees Obama channel Jewish Spring
Tel Aviv** - "This'll knock Dennis Rodman off his fat Pyongyang-suckin' ass!" a White House aide chuckled sotto voce as US Scareforce One readied for takeoff tonight. A Spring Equinox pow wow in the Holy Land sees Barack Obama conjugate with pesky...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Argentinian Pope gives the island to the Argentines
In a move that is is sure to anger somebody, the new Pope, Pope Francis the something or other, has been approached by the Argentinian government who have requested that the Falkland islands are given to Argentina. Sadly, Frank's knowledge of geog...
Read full storyGOP Acquires Carnival Cruise Lines for 'Fun and Profit'
Somewhere At Sea - Looking to shake its stodgy image and sinking popularity, the Republican Party has purchased Carnival Cruise Lines. The move is designed to rebrand and re-energize the right side of the political spectrum. "From here on out, the...
Read full storyCalifornia Wants To Buy Marijuana From Colorado
BEVERLY HILLS - A Southern California group known as FOP for Friends of Pot has contacted Colorado state authorities about the possibility of making a rather large purchase of Colorado marijuana. Hayden "Scooter" Tallyhouse, 21, representing FOP s...
Read full storyEx-Dixie Chicks Lead Singer Natalie Maines Solo Career A Bust
SHREVEPORT, Louisiana - Back in 2003 during a Dixie Chicks concert in London, the band's lead singer Natalie Maines made a derogatory comment about then President George Dubya Bush. Country music publications wrote that Maines and her fellow Dixie...
Read full storyPolar bears 'going mental' from BBC interference
London - Wildlife experts have slammed dodgy BBC documentary tactics after some Norwegian bi-polar bears complained of being interfered with during filming sessions. Covert video cameras caught bears behaving badly after a microphone was inserted...
Read full storyLottery winner blows 1,8 million quid in five minutes!
A UK Lottery winner has told the world how to blow 1,8 million quid in 5 minutes in a BBC interview and does not expect one ounce of sympathy; well he aint going to get any. He listed his purchases and is claiming a place in the "Guiness book of r...
Read full storyMichael Vick Happy No One Mentions His Dog Fighting Past As Much As They Used To
Philadelphia Eagle Quarterback Michael Vick says he is pleased that most people have no recollection or even knowledge that in August 2007, he pleaded guilty to federal charges in the Bad Newz Kennels dog fighting investigation and that the NFL susp...
Read full storyPatriots and Owner Kraft Go On Defensive
In a shocking revelation, owner Robert Kraft, billionaire businessman running the New England Patriots, told an assembled media group that he does not take orders from Tom Brady. Apparently, some fans were operating under the belief system that th...
Read full storyMemories of the b_LIAR, ten years on!
LONDON, England: Today, the tenth anniversary of the start of Gulf War 2, many remember the b_LIAR, in their own special way... "My abiding memory of b_LIAR is his escape from a bookstore in Dublin, afraid to meet protesters. Later, he cancelled his book-signing tour. Yet he was willing to send young British soldiers to their deaths in Iraq." Madame Derry. "When are Boosh and b_LIAR g...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Kicks Off With Kellie Pickler, Lisa Vanderpump, Wynonna Judd, and Andy Dick
HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars has returned and it appears that the British judge Len Goodman is still as grouchy as ever. DWTS host Tom "Smiley" Bergeron remarked that The Grouchy Grouch is a newlywed having gotten married three months ago.
Read full storyDelaware Now Requires Condoms To Be Worn At All Times
DOVER, Delaware - The East Coast state of Delaware has just passed a bill that will require all males between the ages of 18 and 48 to wear condoms at all times. According to state spokesperson Pandora P. Hissyheimer, 61, the bill was passed due t...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan, Arrest History of Misunderstandings
Late January 2007: Self check-in to Wonderland Center Rehabilitation facility for a 30 day treatment ending February 16, 2007. May 26, 2007: Arrested for first DUI. a obvious misunderstanding. July 24, 2007: Arrested for second DUI. Charges include: Felony possession of cocaine, misdemeanor DUI and driving with a suspended license. a silly misunderstanding August 2007: Pleads guilty to mi...
Read full storyWes and Anna Welker Love The Fresh Air of The Rocky Mountains
DENVER - Several citizens of Denver have reported seeing Mr. and Mrs. Wes Welker and they said they looked like a couple of newlyweds laughing, giggling, and cheering now that Wes is no longer a New England Patriot. The Welker's were interviewed b...
Read full storyThe Word "Fart" to be Replaced by "Brraaaap"
After having been in popular use for more than 250 years, the word fart will soon be replaced by brraaaap. Dr. Bunny Glaze, speaking from the annual convention of the World Gastroenterologists' Union, said support for brraaaap by the doctors' group...
Read full storyPiers Morgan Winning The Feud With The Vile Villain Omarosa
NEW YORK CITY - Piers Morgan told Ling Chow Rangoon with iRumors that he has never hated a person more than he hates Omarosa, whom he says is one bitter-as-hell Villain or Villainess. He grinned as he said that he used the male and female gender t...
Read full storyLindsay "Lucky" Lohan Is Treated Like A Damn Queen By The Legal System
LOS ANGELES - Well ladies and gentleman, once again, Lindsay Lohan has shown the nation and the civilized world that just like she's said several times, she is just much too pretty to go to prison. Lohan could have actually called in her latest co...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Suggests Justin Bieber Get Into Rehab Soon
NEW YORK CITY - Ann Coulter is well-noted for butting into everyone's business and not just those in the political arena. She has made comments directed towards sports figures, television personalities, movie celebrities, music artists, and circu...
Read full storyBernanke and Lew Save White House Easter Egg Roll
According to a joint press release from the United States Treasury and Federal Reserve the White House Easter Egg Roll will proceed as normal, albeit with some minor changes from last year. Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board of Governors, Ben B...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Vagina Hypnotized The Judge, Lindsay Says, "Rehab Is For Quitters".
Another court case involving Lindsay Lohan has been decided and she only has to serve 90 days in lock down rehab, 30 days community service and 8 months psychiatric evaluation. After meeting these criteria she's free and clear. When legal experts...
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