Pope Francis tells the Truth
After a week marked by acts of simplicity and openness, Pope Francis finally let his truthful words do the talking as he officially began his stewardship of the Catholic Church on Tuesday. "Please," he begged the tens of thousands gathered outside...Read full story
Yippee! Beeb's handy Budget Calculator puts Spoof writer at £7,984,115 better off in 2013/14!
London - An online Budget Calculator published by the BBC has estimated that one Spoof writer will be approximately £8 million per annum better off in 2013 following George Osborne's Budget on Wednesday. A 5% cut in the top rate of income tax and...Read full story
Isle of Wight News - Hostage situation in Newport
There was high drama in the Island's largest city today as seven armed hostages took over Newport's tallest building, the five story Debenhams Department Store. They stormed the building just before opening time and herded the thirty staff up to t...Read full story
Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian's New Pineapple Infused Muff Perfumes
Everyone knows the Kardashian sisters are close but they have gone from the ridicules to the sublime in their show, "Kourtney and Kim Take Miami". In a recent show Khloe told Kim and Kourtney that if they drank pineapple juice it would make their...Read full story
Giant hanging penis discovered in Amazon forest!
Amazon Forest, somewhere in Brazil: A huge hanging penis has been discovered by anthropologists studying hidden, indigenous tribes in the Amazon rainforests. The discovery is a sensation because never before has a living penis been discovered with...Read full story
Coroner sacked over 'tasteless' lesbian remarks
Riga - A medical examiner who claimed that a leading cause of death amongst lesbians 'is hair balls' has been struck off from his country's register of approved coroners. Dr Zigfrids Leedskalnin said today he stands by his theory after performing...Read full story
O'Malleys Bank in Ireland Demands Euro Bailout to Avoid Meltdown
Patrick O'Malley, founder, President, Teller, Receptionist and Cleaner of O'Malley's Bank in McGillmara, Ireland, has demanded a financial bailout from the European Union. Without an immediate injection of cash the bank will collapse and take the...Read full story
Jay Leno May Be Fired For Biting The Network That Feeds Him
LOS ANGELES - Tonight Show host Jay Leno has turned into a wounded javelina (wild hog) and he is getting real close to having the executives at NBC show him the exit door. For the past week the man who Mitt "The Flip Flopper" Romney called Mr. Pot...Read full story
'Big Bang' ages 80 million years in single day
Fans of utter bollocks are today enraptured by the news that people posing as scientists are claiming that the universe is 80 million years older today than stated yesterday. According to George Esfthathiou, "There's less stuff that we don't under...Read full story
Is The NFL Heading Towards Touch Football?
PHOENIX - Many NFL fans are wondering if the Arizona heat may have gotten to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and some of the team owners after some of the new NFL rule changes were announced. Sporting Chance Magazine reports that the major rules ch...Read full story
Isle of Wight News - Ryde Pier is still green after St Patrick's Day
On March 17th, Ryde Council painted Ryde pier bright green to celebrate St Patrick's day. "Sadly," said Pat Saint, councillor for Ryde and District, "Patrick's day fell on a Sunday this year, and the council painters refused to work on a Sunday. W...Read full story
Tom Brady Meets Donnie Darko
With Wes Welker moving to Denver, Tom Brady must be lonely without his friend. So, it comes as no surprise that Tom has filmed some commercials for Unreal candy with the Easter Bunny. Brady has done some off-beat commercials for the candy produ...Read full story
Irony, a figure of speech, suggests a complex experience. There are three kinds of irony, of which one is called dramatic irony. In this figure of speech, the discrepancy exists between what a character wrongly says or believes and what the reader knows to be true. Unofficially, there is a sub-irony to the dramatic irony. Actually, I have no name for it except 'ridiculum ironia'. To explain it...Read full story
Rocko's Perspective - When They Knock On Your Door...
Here at Rocko's Perspective, we keep finding solutions to everyone's problem. But 25.0765% of the letters I receive have a common problem -- they knock on your door and scare you with fire and brimstone. Yes, you know where I'm heading. They might be annoying at times, to the point of throwing the Panzer Kitchenware Anti-Gravity Pots and Pans at them. Well, that might shoo them away, but they'l...Read full story
Rocko's Perspective - Thou shalt not suffer a "what?" to live.
Hear ye, hear ye! We received another letter from a curious lady, who is curious on what shall not be suffered to live. Here's her letter: Dear Rocko, I had a breakup with my boyfriend because he told me that I don't deserve to live. He keeps slapping me with some quotes from his Bible just because I am not going to Topeka, Kansas with him. He's planning to join the "cult" called "Westboro B...Read full story
Argument Between Fundamentalists and Jehovah's Witnesses Result to Very Large-Scale Assault
DESPICABLE, ME (Acme Quicknews) -- The beautiful scenery of a public park was destroyed after an assault between Christian Fundamentalists and Jehovah's Witnesses last March 19, 2013. The said assault started when both groups hand out flyers and p...Read full story
Patrons Boycott Computer Shop Because of Installing OpenOffice instead of Microsoft Office
MYLITTLEPO, NY (Acme Quicknews) -- Patrons of the Reference Computer Shop protest in front of the shop because of the lack of installed software, especially regarding the open-source office application OpenOffice.org. One of the patrons, who wishe...Read full story
The Miami Heat Have Now Won 24 In A Row!
CLEVELAND - The Miami Heat blew into the City on Lake Erie and melted the place as they won their 24th game in a row by beating the Cleveland Cavaliers 98-95. The Heat managed to overcome a 27 point deficit in the third quarter but showed that the...Read full story
Candice Glover and Janelle Arthur Both Hit It Out of The Park on American Idol
HOLLYWOOD - The latest edition of American Idol featured the contestants singing songs from the Beatles Songbook. AI host Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest appeared a little sad due to the fact that he and his girlfriend of two years Julianne Hough had just...Read full story
Katy Perry Explains Why She Dumped Her Boyfriend John Mayer
LOS ANGELES - Katy Perry says that she is really and truly surprised that her special relationship with John "The Player" Mayer lasted as long as it did. Perry spoke with Pia Confetti a reporter for Celebrity Globe. She told her that lots of h...Read full story
Michigan Woman Sees A Vision of Kim Kardashian On Her Muffin
KALAMAZOO, Michigan - Gwendolyn R. Glickerquest, 47, of Kalamazoo was having lunch with her husband of 29 years, Walter at a local Cinderella Cafeteria. As she looked down at her plate of Chicken Fried Steak with a side of okra and a side of spina...Read full story
Dennis Rodman Wants Donald Trump To Travel With Him To North Korea
NEW YORK CITY - Dennis Rodman, who has proclaimed himself the unofficial ambassador to North Korea, says he plans on going back to visit his new BFF Kim Jong Un. According to Sherwood Frisbee with Sporting Chance Magazine Rodman gave the North Kor...Read full story
Sandra Bullock To Star In Going In Circles - The Danica Patrick Story
HOLLYWOOD - Tri-Moon films in association with TouchRock Pictures has just announced that Sandra Bullock will be portraying NASCAR racer Danica Patrick in the motion picture Going In Circles - The Danica Patrick Story. Bullock agreed to do the fil...Read full story
Khloe Kardashian Is Trying To Get Over Her Depression
LOS ANGELES - Family and friends of Khloe Kardashian all agree that since she was fired by Simon Cowell as host of the X-Factor she has been quite depressed. Her husband, Los Angeles Clippers player Lamar Odom told Glamboyant Magazine, formerly Th...Read full story