UEFA to order investigation into one man team

Funny story: UEFA to order investigation into one man team

UEFA head honcho Michelle Platypus, the Frenchman with the woman's name, has demanded an immediate investigation into Tottenham Horsespurs 3-0 win over Inter Milan in the Thursday night Eur-trypa League. Only one of the three goals came from Spur...

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Carl Crawford Offers $140million for His Thoughts, Not a Penny More

We've got Carl Crawford where we want him. Crawford has something stuck in his craw, and it's the Boston media. In his weekly dump on Boston, this time he complained vociferously about the media. Grousing season has begun, and it is open season...

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Drunken Cardinals In Orgy Of Violence Cause Havoc In Rome's Nightclubs And Bars

Funny story: Drunken Cardinals In Orgy Of Violence Cause Havoc In Rome's Nightclubs And Bars

Rome is preparing itself for another night of violence, vandalism and mayhem as more cardinals arrive in the Italian city to vote on a new pope. "It happens every time they need a new pontiff," explained bar owner Luigi Pistone as he swept broken...

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#@%&#! Will No Longer Be Used To Represent Swear Words

Cartoonists and others who for decades have used "#@%&#!" to represent curse words are outraged by a plan to cease using the symbols. Beginning July 1st, #@%&#! will be replaced by "<>?{}!," said Lunabird Fistermacher of the US Departm...

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ACLU to Sue On Behalf of Elderly Cat Burglar With Squeaky Artificial Hip

Funny story: ACLU to Sue On Behalf of Elderly Cat Burglar With Squeaky Artificial Hip

An ACLU spokesperson said today the organization plans to sue artificial hip manufacturer Flexton, LLC on behalf of 71 year old Huey Beedlecorn, a serial cat burglar who was captured by police around 3:00am Monday while allegedly trying to burglarize...

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Texas to Auction off WWII Bazookas

Funny story: Texas to Auction off WWII Bazookas

Special to TP News - Republican Governor Rick Perry announced that 2,500 surplus World War II-era bazookas will be offered to the public in a special auction. These recoilless-rocket antitank weapons were used extensively against the Nazis during the...

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Pope Enjoying Retirement, Says

Funny story: Pope Enjoying Retirement, Says

ROME, ITALY - Now ex-Pope Benedict XVI has given his first interview since retirement to Italian media channel "Televisio El Italiano" from his Roman mansion earlier today. The interviewer questioned him on such topics as "why the big hat?", "how do you wash the big hat?" and "can I have a big hat?" The Pope simply waved his hand and explained. "My name is Cardinal Ratzinger, please. I am Pope...

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Prince Harry to be new face of TV Burp

Funny story: Prince Harry to be new face of TV Burp

Following a successful stint on Comic Relief making impoverished africans laugh, the normally half-naked Prince Harry is to audition for the part of Harry Hill on ITVs successful tea-time comedy TV Burp. Harry, who describes himself on twitter as...

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West Ham to quit playing football and take up athletics instead

Funny story: West Ham to quit playing football and take up athletics instead

David Sullivan, pornagrapher-in-chief at Wet Sham United, have dramatically announced the club will no longer play football in an attempt to get the taxpayer funded Olympic Stadium and £40 million of free council tax money from Newham Council. Spe...

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Damn Yankees Suffer Curse of Mr. Applegate

When Mr. Applegate made a deal with the lowly Washington team in Damn Yankees, it was clear he had already a deal in place with the New York Yankees. He was double-dealing. Someone on the Bronx Bombers has now reneged on the deal. The House of Rut...

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North Korea Invades Venezuela

Funny story: North Korea Invades Venezuela

In the wake of Hugo Chavez' wake, elements of North Korea's crack "Stealth Invasion Force" or SIF has established a beachhead on the Venezuelan coast outside of the capital city, Caracas. It is estimated that approximately 700 SIF combatants have...

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Dennis Rodman Moving To North Korea

Funny story: Dennis Rodman Moving To North Korea

NEW YORK CITY - When Dennis Rodman landed in the North Korean capital of Pyongyang, crowds numbering in the thousands chanted in unison, DEN-NIS! DEN-NIS! DEN-NIS! Rodman turned to his North Korean interpreter and asked if they meant Dennis Quaid...

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The Piers Morgan - Omarosa Feud Getting Hotter Than Hell!

Funny story: The Piers Morgan - Omarosa Feud Getting Hotter Than Hell!

NEW YORK CITY - There are probably no two individuals in the United States who dislike, despise, and downright detest each other more than talk show host Piers Morgan and Omarosa Piers Morgan is noted for being a long time journalist and Omarosa i...

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Westboro Plans to Fly to Sulu to Picket Sabah Standoff

Funny story: Westboro Plans to Fly to Sulu to Picket Sabah Standoff

SULU, PHILIPPINES (Acme World News) -- The infamous Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) plans to fly to the Philippines to picket the standoff in Sabah, Malaysia. Margie Phelps, daughter of WBC pastor Fred Phelps, posted on her Twitter that they are sc...

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Students Protest About Teacher with New and Improved Term Paper Format

Funny story: Students Protest About Teacher with New and Improved Term Paper Format

HARLEM SHAKE, NY (Acme Quicknews) -- Students of Leonidas Memorial High School protest in front of the school gates last March 5, 2013. According to Angelica Maldita, a Grade 10 student of the said school, the protest is for their English teacher...

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Blue Man Group Complains of Discrimination

Members of the Blue Man Group of entertainers filed a discrimination lawsuit in federal court today, naming several defendants. While the exact allegations are sealed, one member of the Blue Man Group who requested anonymity said that management...

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