The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014: The Draw
Italy, Uruguay and Costa Rica. Bloody hell. I'm sure that Sepp hates England. Ever since Panorama did a good job of filleting him and FIFA with all those corrupt banana republic bastards he's had it in for us. I can't see us getting a result wi...
Read full storyGuillotine candidate George Osborne says "Let them eat Cake"
Freezing pensioners who can't afford to shop anywhere else but Lidul have been subject to cake bombardment from George Osbornes Palace windows in Versailles, Knightsbridge. Cries of "Let them eat cake" have been heard from within. Media articles p...
Read full storyChris Christie Flip Flopping Like A Fish
Atlas News say they got a sneak peak of a new video from the group against the possible presidential candidate and that it is coming out with the highlights. It shows Christie pledging support for in-state tuition for undocumented students at the...
Read full storyNelson Mandela Speech in Canada Was A Favorite! Here's the rest of the story?
Nelson Mandela always had close ties with Canada where he always found support, according to one reporter who shared with us yesterday. "I was there when he told the crowd, "Your respect for diversity within your own society and your tolerant and...
Read full storyLook of sheer disbelief on Kate Middleton's face as the penny finally drops about whose Christmas present is the fabulous ocean-going superyacht 'Azzam'
London, England - 'Sick as parrot' hardly does justice to the look on royal gold-digger Kate Middleton's face at discovering the identity of just whose Christmas present this year is the world's newest, biggest, most awesome billion-dollar superyacht...
Read full storyKristen Stewart: Robert Pattinson Acting Strange
Word on the street is that Kristen Stewart is telling friends that her guy, Robert Pattinson, was acting strange and had done so before. Ms. Stewart began by telling friend, Taylor Lautner and he passed it on to others who wanted to help Pattinson...
Read full storyThe American Irrespective: President Obama's Good News, Bad News, and/or Worser News Regarding NBA Team Nicknames and Other Assorted In The Paint/To The Hoop Whatnot - Part 2
Yeah, I know, all things considered, big picture, grand scheme, nearest available supposed to be now and forever politically correct-wise, I probably should be addressing the current Washington Redskins name brand crisis. But, seriously, being as how this year's edition of said inside the beltway gridiron franchise totally sacre bleu - pardon my not even ever typically used by the French. A...
Read full storySpice Girls join together for a Mandela eulogy!
After the very sad news of the passing over of the great, Nelson Mandela, The Spice Girls have decided to write a eulogy to him and promise to have it ready for Christmas! The royalties earned will all go to a special charity fund and the whole wo...
Read full storyThe real Nelson Mandela died in jail 'years ago' after Winnie conjugal visit: NATO report
Johannesburg, South Africa - An unmarked grave in south Africa's notorious Victor Verster prison is Mandela's last resting place according to a NATO file on the political activist's former wife Winnie. The report describes how a furious fight bro...
Read full storyKeith Harris Arrested In Murder Of Orville The Duck
Ventriloquist Keith Harris has been arrested by police in Blackpool for the kidnapping and murder of his former partner and long term friend Orville. Officers from the resort swooped on Harris as he left his council house home in the Layton area o...
Read full storySpanish Gibraltar snatcher Rajoy Water Cannons women and children in border punishment queues
New terror tactics have been ordered by Dictator in waiting Mariana Rajoy. In a new desperate bid to get his hands on the wealthy Gibraltar Peninsula, Rajoy is, contrary to repeated EU requests, continuing to obstruct everyone who comes and goes from...
Read full storyNow Prince Philip remembers who Nelson Mandela is, too late!
Royal Comedian, Prince Philip has remembered who Nelson Mandela is. "Hey I know him, I asked him what he did two years ago at one of the Missus's Street Parties". I can't remember what he said, though, and at that time he was ill due to some o...
Read full storyGeorge Harrison Pissed Because Paul McCartney Doesn't Ask Him For Song Ideas
London, England George Harrison, who died in 2001, appeared in a seance last week to announce that he was pissed and had his feelings hurt when Paul McCartney mentioned that he sometimes talks to John Lennon and asks him for song advice. George,...
Read full storyClint Eastwood Devastated After Finding Out That His Daughter Francesca Is A Democrat
CARMEL, California - Clint Eastwood, who is a dyed-in-the-wool Republican, is alleged to be angrier than a Persian cat at a skunk party. The devoted GOPer has just learned that his 20-year-old daughter Francesca has become a card-carrying Democrat...
Read full storyBolivia Responds To Kim Jong Un's Invasion Threat
LA PAZ, Bolivia - Bolivian President Montero Santa-Cantina is said to be very upset with the recent threats made by North Korean leader Kim Jong Un which were directed at his country. Kim Jong Un remarked that he is prepared to invade the South Am...
Read full storyThe World Champion Miami Heat Are Blown-Out By The (8-9) Chicago Bulls
CHICAGO - The weather outside the United Center was not the only thing that was cold as the Miami Heat team was frozen by the Chicago Bulls 107-87. Miami superstar LeBron James blamed the loss on the fact that it was just too damn cold. When to...
Read full storyNASA Is Asking The Public For Donations
HOUSTON - In an unprecedented move, NASA has decided to ask the America public to make a donation to the space agency. NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb told the news media that due to certain program cost overrides NASA has had to borrow some mo...
Read full storyAshton Kutcher and Mila Kunis Are Reportedly Bickering Over Her Future Surname
HOLLYWOOD - After his year-long divorce battle with Demi Moore has finally been finalized, Ashton Kutcher is finding that the sea of love is still somewhat choppy. Everyone felt that once he got rid of his old clinging cougar it would be smooth sa...
Read full storyNorth Korea Admits It Has One Of The Biggest Meth Labs In The World
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy News Agency has just confirmed that North Korea has one of the largest Meth producing labs in existence. An unnamed source with The Rice Paddy stated that the meth lab employs over 900 workers and is in oper...
Read full storyThe New York Knicks Slam The Brooklyn Nets To Win The Battle of The Big Apple
NEW YORK CITY - Carmelo Anthony scored 19 points as the New York Knicks snapped a 9 game losing streak by clobbering the Brooklyn Nets 113-83. Knicks fan Spike Lee was so happy he spilled his cup of Aye Caramba Beer on the court. As two of the are...
Read full storyDenny's and J.C. Penney's To Merge And Become Denny Penneys
PLANO, Texas - Retail giant J.C. Penney, which is headquarted in Plano, Texas has just announced a big corporate merger. Penney's will be merging with the Denny's restaurant chain to form a new corporation which is being called Denny Penney's.
Read full storyNude Photos of Kim Kardashian Are Discovered In A Storage Unit In Cucamonga
CUCAMONGA, California - A manager of a storage unit facility in Cucamonga opened up one of his storage units and was surprised to see what was inside. Russ Figgford said that since the monthly payment on one of his storage units had not been paid...
Read full storyYuppies Petition Biologists To Declare Themselves A Separate Species.
Yuppies, those demi-gods who live amongst us mere mortals do have a hard go of it. They, by their very existence, are refined creatures so much better than you or I who are mere mortals suckling the earth for survival. Now, tired of being consider...
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