Professor Chomsky utilizes scientific method and "riskless" academia to settle the dust of Building 7
Professor Noam Chomsky has recently been embroiled with an angered 9/11 truther movement, which has swarmed about his every word like hornets in a summer squash patch. Mr. Chomsky opined that the Building 7 controversy was essentially a non-starte...
Read full storyMoon to be brought closer to earth for use as trash dump
The 10 biggest private Space Support Technology Companies have been asked to draw up plans and prices to bring the moon closer. A spokesperson for NASA revealed today. Calculations prove that if the moon was "right up close" it would become far m...
Read full storyTop Twelve Bad Things That Happen After You Get Old
Getting older is a bummer we used to say back in the 1960's but here we are and we don't like it one bit. Among things we hate: 1. Your Viagra gives you a lot of gas! 2. You sit on a hard chair and break your hip in three places. 3. You start to fantasize about Aunt Bea on The Andy Griffith Show. 4. You blow out your false teeth when you blow out your birthday cake candles. 5.
Read full storyPastor Gives Shocking Advice On How Mainline Churches Can Survive
The "message" printed below was leaked to JSwift News Service. It was faxed and e-mailed as an attachment to mainline protestant ministers throughout the United States and Canada. The minister who wrote it, Cotton Mather, intended it to be confidential. If you read between the lines its text is quite shocking. It is re-printed here word for word: A MESSAGE TO MY FELLOW CLERGY FROM HOLY G...
Read full storyFamous Man Arrested In Attempt To Feed Poor
Pasadena CA--A series of people in the U.S. have faced arrest for feeding the homeless in public spaces. Yesterday, an activist appeared to feed the hungry in Central Park in California's Rose Bowl City. The Director of Health Services for the cit...
Read full storyBrit social workers branded 'f***ing Gestapo' for sedating woman before cutting and snatching baby from her womb
Essex - "And you thought the Nazis were dead and buried along with Hitler?" a constitutional expert in Human Frights law said today amid British headlines describing how an Italian woman holidaying in the UK was sedated against her will and subjected...
Read full storyWoody Allen and Martin Scorsese See New York VERY Differently
New York has always fascinated the writer, the artist, the poet and the thousand of gawking tourists who hang around outside the Good Morning America show hoping they'll get filmed for their family to see back in Wichita. But everyone sees the Big Apple with a different eye. Two of the cities biggest believers, Woody Allen and Martin Scorsese, seem to be viewing it from different planets. Just how...
Read full storyHiggs Boson is Wrong God particle says Vatican
175 metres beneath the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva, Switzerland a thousand scientists are seeking the key to the universe. Last year an announcement was made that it had been found in a waste paper basket near the Atlas complex at the LHCA. B...
Read full storyObama Pardons Thanksgiving Turkey And Then Apologizes For Taking Its Health Insurance Away
WASHINGTON, DC - The official thanksgiving turkey, a Mr. Thomas Gobbler, was pardoned by President Obama before the Thanksgiving feast, and then the President, in a surprise announcement, asked forgiveness from Mr. Gobbler for having taken away his h...
Read full storyAuntie Jean Advises - Howie Feltersnatch from Cockermouth
Auntie Jean: I would like to keep a male Wild Boar in the house for a pet and to teach it to find truffles. I have chosen a male pig because I have heard that the Wild Boar sows suffer from extreme PMS. I understand that many celebrities have Pot Bellied Pigs as domestic pets and know that they are basically clean animals and can be taught to go outside to do their poo and stuff. I intend to...
Read full story"Latina Shemale" Pornstar Revealed Actually To Be French!
Porn performer Samannthaa Coxxx, for years billed as "The Latina Shemale" was revealed today actually to be from Paris, much to the shock of her legions of fans. A teary eyed Coxxx faced an inquisitive press with contrition, apologizing to her...
Read full storyKevin Bacon to alter his name
The film star formerly known as Kevin Bacon announced yesterday that he wishes to be known as Kevin Rib of Beef. He said "After I chat to hungry people, for instance in New York, they promptly disappear and come back munching a NYC special bacon...
Read full storyRahoy to make Ex Pats work at Gibraltar Border Queue
More threats from "The Eagles Lair" in Madrid were issued by SuperMario Rahoy yesterday. Screaming from his Ivory Tower he said that the border queue punishment (mostly hampering working Spanish people)imposed on Gibraltar to cover up a bag of wo...
Read full storyFLASH: Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Are Back Together Again
HOLLYWOOD - As the old ancient Aztecan saying goes, "True love has a way of going away and then coming back again." Such is the case with the stars of The Vampire Diaries, Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder. The 24-year-old Dobrev and the much old...
Read full storyAuburn Upsets #1 Ranked Alabama In The Iron Bowl
AUBURN, Alabama - The number 4 ranked Auburn Tigers were not the least bit intimadated by the likes of the top ranked Alabama Crimson Tide as they upset Bama 34-28. With the game tied and with just seconds to go the Tide tried a field goal. It was...
Read full storyBrazil Makes A Monumental Decision Regarding The Equator
BRASILIA, Brazil - The Brazilian government is getting ready to make a landmark decision in regards to the world famous Equator Word from President Sancho Ventana is that he has decided that it is time to replace the old name. He stated that fo...
Read full storyOhio State Defeats Michigan In The Brawl Bowl
ANN ARBOR, Michigan - The undefeated #3 ranked Ohio State Buckeyes remained undefeated as they edged past the Michigan Wolverines 42-41 before 113,511 fans in The Big House. Early in the second quarter the football game turned into a free-for-all...
Read full storyMaksim Chmerkovskiy of Dancing With The Stars Buys A $9.8 Million Russian Style Mansion in Malibu Beach
MALIBU BEACH - The Dancing With The Stars dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy has reportedly paid $9.8 million for a Russian style mansion that once belonged to famed ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev. Maks who is known as The Bad Boy of The Ballroom because of...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Buys 17 Drones From Wales
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Word coming out of the North Korean capital is that Kim Jong Un has just finalized a deal with the government of Wales. The Rice Paddy National News Agency reports that the North Korean leader sent a text message to a repr...
Read full storyThe South Carolina Gamecocks Pound The #6 Ranked Clemson Tigers In The Palmetto Bowl
COLUMBIA, South Carolina - The Gamecocks of South Carolina soundly defeated the Clemson Tigers 31-17. The yearly meeting of the two teams is known as The Palmetto Bowl, so named after Guido Palmetto, who for 25 years was in charge of putting in th...
Read full storyHunger Games Star Jennifer Lawrence Confesses She Has A Crush On Jodie Foster
NEW YORK CITY - The star of The Hunger Games, Jennifer Lawrence made a surprise appearance on The Viagra View with Larry King and Regis Philbin. Lawrence stated that she has been a fan of both men going back to her playpen days when her mom would...
Read full storyWilliam Hague mistaken for Alien robot and decapitated by Ripley
William Hague, often mistaken for Kryten, the bald, strange talking robot from Sci-fi comedy Red Dwarf, has been advised by his boss, Dave (Doolittle) Cameron, to take speech therapy lessons after a near fatal incident in the London Science Museum.
Read full storyWoody Allen Victim of Exploding E-Cigar
Actor and Producer Woody Allen was apparently the victim of a joke but no one will admit to having pulled it off. Knowing Woody's curiosity, some of his band mates (he plays clarinet with some friends) were discussing how great the new e-cigarett...
Read full storyCapitalists offer Pope executive positions with pipeline companies plus mansion with female services
Spokespersons for both sides in the recent conflict generated by the Pope have rushed forward with hands outstretched and wide smiles. According to his spokespersons, the Pope is considering how to respond to recent offers from global financiers i...
Read full storyFarmer Inutile Germanotta shows his heritage
In a scene right out of the film "Hannibal," a still-breathing Italian villager was fed to pigs by a frugal Italian farmer named Inutile Germanotta. Germanotta who couldn't afford pig feed, developed an innovative method to increase his profits an...
Read full storyPETA Wins Battle Over Turkeys!
An animal rights organization has won a decision that might affect the way your turkey looks and tastes next year. "For years we have been arguing with the turkey businesses about what they feed those turkeys. They can barely stand up, the breasts...
Read full storyEurodismal theme park holds charity kick a frog in the crutch days
Frogs can allegedly be aloof, nasty and just downright rude to people who look at them. Now Eurodismal theme park is, by way of a belated apology, organising regular "amnesty days" when the Frenchmen inside the furry frog and cuddly animal suits...
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