Capitalists offer Pope executive positions with pipeline companies plus mansion with female services

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 1 December 2013

image for Capitalists offer Pope executive positions with pipeline companies plus mansion with female services
Some swine appeared to drowse through discussion of the parable

Spokespersons for both sides in the recent conflict generated by the Pope have rushed forward with hands outstretched and wide smiles.

According to his spokespersons, the Pope is considering how to respond to recent offers from global financiers in billionaire circles here and there on Planet Earth.

Not that he is considering accepting for example the gift of a forty thousand acre estate with a ninety room palatial residence overlooking various tar sands projects in Alberta.

Nor that he is interested in the "female services" side of that offer, even if devoted only to cleaning personnel and budget executives for his personal monthly allowances. These monies include management of various new automobiles and private jets.

On the other hand, spokespersons for the deepest pockets on the planet hasten to add the more important aspect of their offer is positioning him.

The Pope could be positioned effectively so as to advise key CEOs who manage the globe's financial empires.

They believe the Pope would soon "get on board" and dampen his rhetoric. He would have "new special interests" to take care of.

He would claim his "new tyranny" commentary on wealth was "misspeaking."

Besides, what "tyranny"?

Surely this is inflated and melodramatic rhetoric.

Perhaps the Pope was seeking a little humor. As with that a mere handful of persons owns 38% of the wealth in America and the bottom sixty percent of the population owns something like 2.6% of it.

If that isn't hilarious, what is?

But even so, these spokespersons further explain, what could these billionaire types of people do anyway? Take for example how difficult it is to persuade the American Congress on legislation favorable to the very rich?

Spokespersons for the Pope noted that when he saw views of the tar sands mansion being offered to him he noticed it was situated on a slope, and thought of the parable with Jesus and the swine.

An image came to him with Jesus and himself on the slope, shaking hands with the tar sands executives, and listening to them. Then came the sounds of swine rushing down the slope to drown themselves in the tar sands.

Spokespersons rushed to assert that the Pope dismissed this image immediately.

Instead, the Pope and his aides brainstormed a special forgiveness mass for the "industrial mania" which leads to environmental abuse and exploitation of the poor.

Video exposure with all the imagery, devastation and ruin, tap water on fire, a terrible ugliness, etc. etc., would swarm across a screen behind the altar.

It would be sermon and happening simultaneously, with music and dancing, leading to a massive expurgation of human guilt and rottenness en masse.

Capitalists would stand with bowed heads, grieving.

Witnesses swear at this point the Pope smiled a gentle holy smile and murmured, "And my name is Francis of Assisi."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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