LiLo 'Bares All' For 'Playtime'
Hug Halfner believes Lindsay Lohand's Marilyn Monroe - themed Playtime pictoral will knock the new issue right off the shelf - a keepsake for the Lil-Lo desperadoes proving some people just cant get enough of the 'Some Like It Hot' look-a-like maide...
Read full storySociologists coin a new term: Tenager
Sociologists have coined a new term to describe the way that boys retreat into their own heads from the age of ten onwards. "We have noticed that boys appear to be moody and entering puberty much earlier these days," said sociologist Connie Fern.
Read full storyArsenal To Sign Manchester United Legend Eric Cantona
In keeping with their current policy of signing Premier League legends, Arsenal appear set to top the Thierry Henry coup by signing Manchester United legend, Eric Cantona. A club spokesman said that luring the greatest ever French footballer out o...
Read full storyDavid Cameron issues call for three days of official mourning following Pat Butcher's death
As the nation mourns the passing of Pat Butcher in EastEnders, Prime Minster David Cameron has decided that there will now be three days of official mourning. Speaking from the balcony of No 10 Downing Street, an injured Prime Minister (who fell o...
Read full storyCraig Brown says Alex Ferguson is 'too old to retire'
Craig Brown, the only football manager in the UK older than Sir Alex Ferguson says his old friend is too old to retire. As Fergie entered his 71st year on News Year Eve with a shock home defeat to bottom of the table Blackburn Rovers, his old sas...
Read full storyAdele confirmed for Queens Diamond Jubilee, special builders engaged
It was confirmed today that popular singer Adele will indeed be headlining at the pop concert for H M the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations from the roof of the Royal Palace. Specialist builders are being brought in to Buckingham Palace to stre...
Read full storyMars Not So Marvellous
Those parts of the population that maintained their existence when young on the famous Mars Bar - one a day helped us work, rest and play - are always grateful for the chocolate. However now dentists have warned that teeth are dropping out so frequen...
Read full storyBlackburn boss Steve Kean named 'Manager of The Year'
Under fire Blackburn Rovers boss has been named 'Manager Of The Year' after an amazing 3-2 win on December 31st at Old Trafford, the home of world famous Manchester United. Dignified Scottish slap head Kean scooped the prize after the incredible...
Read full storyKim Jung Un Vows To Lower Streets In North Korea: Says "Built Too Close To His Ass"
PYONGYANG - The first act of business by newly appointed North Korea dictator Kim Jung Un is that all streets and sidewalks in this forlorn country be lowered 12 inches. Although appearing taller because of his penchant for wearing high-heeled A...
Read full storyBenedict Cumberbatch schmoozed to play Pentagon hacker Gary McKinnon
London - Studio bosses are desperate to secure the services of the Sherlock star whose uncanny facial resemblance makes him a dead ringer for Gary McKinnon. Benedict Cumberbatch is being headhunted to play the controversial Pentagon hacker in a ne...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Discloses The Location and The Reason For Her Very Intimate Tattoo
READING, Pennsylvania - Kate Gosselin has really had her ups and downs over the past few years but she says that she is a survivor and she truly believes that 2012 will be her year. Kate, 36, recently sat down with Taffeta Kixx of iRumors and had...
Read full storyOde to an Anal Annoyance
An Ode About a Certain Malevolent Condition that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Threatens Mankind Across the Globe as It affects the Bowels of Those Who are Afflicted with its Curse Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Hondo Thwaite, Esq. to His Most Excellent, Gracious Majesty, Dionysius XII, as He Recovers from a Facial Bligh...
Read full storyRelaxed Lottery Winner Accused of Time Slip
The winner of £2.5M in last week's UK Lottery has not yet been paid out owing to suspicious irregularities. The winning ticket held by Hamish MacFly, 19, of Reading was bought legitimately just two days prior to the draw and correctly named all six...
Read full storyDonald Trump To Acquire Central Park And Build The World's Largest Mall
MANHATTAN - Word filtering out of Trump Towers is that billionaire Donald Trump is finalizing plans to purchase New York City's world famous Central Park. The 843-acre park which was built in 1857, served as a staging area during the Civil War for...
Read full storyAl-Qaeda attack central London in explosive New Year attack
Central London was lit up like a fireworks display last night as Al-Qaeda members launched an audacious New Year's Day attack on the capital. The shadowy organisation appeared to take control of Big Ben and the Millennium Wheel, from which they fired...
Read full storyThe Holy Grail of standing stone circles found as NASA spacecraft captures lunar Stonehenge image
Space - Dismissed in 1959 by the USSR Luna 3 probe as a pile of inconsequential volcanic trash a 3,000ft diameter standing stone formation has been captured on camera by NASA's latest mission. Stunning pictures from the Grail-A spacecraft reveal a...
Read full storyMichelle Bachmann: Kim Jong Un Will Not Make A Good Presidential Candidate
In response to Kim Jong Un's sudden surge in the Iowa Causus polls, Michele Bachmann has come out swinging against the North Korean. "I don't believe than Mr. Un will make a good Republican presidential candidate," she declared at her daily noon...
Read full storyManchester United Defeat By Blackburn Rovers - Authorities Promise Action
Football authorities in England are promising to take decisive action to prevent further incidents like Manchester United's home defeat by Blackburn Rovers yesterday. The move follows public reaction to the match on United manager Sir Alex Ferguso...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Thirty-Seven
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 67 - The Guarding the Turkey Farm Episode I was posted one November, to a farm near Kinoulton in Nottinghamshire, assigned to protect the Turkeys being fattened in time for Christmas. As usual the assignment instructions were vague and lacking in detail. when I arriv...
Read full storyFrance Celebrates New Year 5 Hours Late In Shed Explosion Drama
France had an unexpected New Year's firework display, when Spoof writer, Lynton's garden shed unexpectedly exploded, at 05:30 am GMT on New Year's day. The event came as a bit of a bonus for gay Paree, which basically didn't appear to do a whole l...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston Agrees To Appear In PlayGuy For $1.2 Million
CHICAGO - Jennifer Aniston really made quite an impression as the brunette dentist in her role as Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. in the 2011 hit motion picture Horrible Bosses. Aniston certainly shot down the old adage that 'blondes have more fun,' as s...
Read full storyAfter Seeing Kelly Clarkson's Album Sales Shoot Up 442% After She Endorses Ron Paul, Kanye West Decides To Endorse Michele Bachmann
DALLAS - Kelly Clarkson says that she is absolutely shocked at the fantastic surge in record sales after she announced that she would vote for Ron Paul for president. The Texas native said that at first she was concerned because a lot of haters to...
Read full storyThe Unbelievable Video of Ex-Penn State Football Coach Jerry Sandusky At The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo In Tarzana
TARZANA - An undercover private investigator has uncovered what he calls evidence that is not going to help the case of Jerry Sandusky, the former coach of the Nittany Lions of Penn State. The investigator who would not reveal his name for reasons...
Read full storyLocal Man To Act As Intermediary In Shovel Faced Woman Marital Dispute
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a local gerbil breeder, today revealed that he has been approached to act as an intermediary between a man who twatted his wife in the face with a shovel, and the woman, who has been identified by media sources as Shove...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Why Russell Brand Filed For Divorce From Katy Perry
CORNWALL, England - Russell Brand was spotted in Cornwall, England sans his wedding ring and sans his wife Katy Perry. He was approached by a reporter for Tickety Boo News Neville Twickenbuck and asked where Katy was. Brand, 37, smiled as he tu...
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