France Celebrates New Year 5 Hours Late In Shed Explosion Drama

Written by Skoob1999

Sunday, 1 January 2012

image for France Celebrates New Year 5 Hours Late In Shed Explosion Drama
You Just Know That's Going To Blow Up.

France had an unexpected New Year's firework display, when Spoof writer, Lynton's garden shed unexpectedly exploded, at 05:30 am GMT on New Year's day.

The event came as a bit of a bonus for gay Paree, which basically didn't appear to do a whole lot of anything, probably on account of being cheated out of the 2012 Olympic Games by London, which is famous for rioting, football hooligans, East End Gangsters, and the Queen. And her tooled up mob.

According to reports, an impatient Lynton, slightly sozzled on Catalunyan sourced absinthe, decided that enough was enough, and that he felt compelled to make a statement on behalf of la belle France.

So he stomped off up to the garden shed, with his trusty Zippo to hand. Later claiming, after his arrest by Officer Clouseau of the Surete, that he didn't intend to spark an international incident, he was just nipping out for a B&H because it was New Year and he was gasping for a proper English Virginia fag.

It proved to be a costly cigarette.

The resulting explosion from Lynton's shed could be seen from as far away as Huddersfield in West Yorkshire, and was picked up by Google Earth and the International Space Station.

Locals report that Lynton emerged safely from a pile of smoking debris, apparently unscathed, save for singed eyebrows and a lop sided grin.

"Heh heh, sorted!" he is alleged to have said.

Before he was rushed to the Rabbie Burns Unit at the Paris General Hospital.

Upon arrival, he was said to be a bit manic, as he was escorted in a straightjacket to the nearest psychiatric ward for assessment.

Long suffering wife, La Femme de Lynton, stated:

"He has gone a bit mental. I have no idea what got into him. I don't mind him keeping art stuff up the shed, but I have warned him time and time again about the bleeding chemicals. But he won't have it. Always he thinks he knows best. Hah! He got blown up good and proper! It is the best bang I have had in many a year. It was hilarious watching him flee the shed with his head on fire. He made us so proud. And he has helped la belle France with the greatest firework display it has ever seen. He is a bigger man than that spineless git, Nikolas Sarkozy will ever be. Especially when he wears his retro 1970s platform shoes for the Abba disco nights at the village hall. It could have been much worse than him keeping combustible chemicals in the shed and mixing them up like some kind of mad professor. He could have started breeding chickens. Le Twot!"

More as we get it.

If it's any consolation, we don't get it either.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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