Written by Alan Bama

Sunday, 1 January 2012

image for Relaxed Lottery Winner Accused of Time Slip
Lucrative and legal!

The winner of £2.5M in last week's UK Lottery has not yet been paid out owing to suspicious irregularities. The winning ticket held by Hamish MacFly, 19, of Reading was bought legitimately just two days prior to the draw and correctly named all six numbers drawn randomly by Lancelot.

Concern stems from wild rumours and allegations from neighbours in the local Caversham community that MacFly is in fact a time traveler and knew the result at the time of the purchase having "slipped" back by one month.

"We are looking urgently into these allegations", said a spokesman.

Surprisingly MacFly and his lawyer made themselves available for comment. "Whether or not I have time travelled," said MacFly, "I bought the ticket legally and I am relaxed about the ongoing investigation. It will turn out that there is no rule against time travel, and I will be paid out next Wednesday by cheque, at 3.30pm."

In the meantime he has been advising neighborus to put money on Man Utd to lose to Blackburn at home on New Years Eve and Ronny Corbett to get a CBE. At the time of writing it is unknown as to whether these things will happen. But he looked confident. "Get your bloody money on!" he shouted through a megaphone in Broad Street.

MacFly has also predicted that Russelll Brand and Katy Perry will split and that Prince Charles will never be crowned King. "How can you possibly know that?" asked a horse faced woman in the crowd.

"Because HRH is a ruddy burke!" cried and exultant MacFly as he headed into Ladbrokes with a well thumbed copy of tomorrow's Racing Times.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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