The Real Reason Why Russell Brand Filed For Divorce From Katy Perry

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 1 January 2012


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Everywhere that Russell Brand travels he carries three things; his cell phone, his hair dryer, and he forgets the third.

CORNWALL, England - Russell Brand was spotted in Cornwall, England sans his wedding ring and sans his wife Katy Perry.

He was approached by a reporter for Tickety Boo News Neville Twickenbuck and asked where Katy was.

Brand, 37, smiled as he tugged at his long expanse of hair growth and simply replied, "I teenk she's frolickin' in da waters of Hawaii."

The TBN reporter was taken aback and asked why she was there 7,000 miles away and not with him.

Brand said that it was probably because he has filed divorce papers in Los Angeles and the two will no longer be husband and wife. Twickenbuck was shocked, "You mean..."

"Yes," Brand said interrupting him. "Mrs. Brand and I will no longer be participating in any more mattress merriment, pubic mingling, or as they say in Wisconsin anymore horizontal hokey pokey."

Russell, the former notorious playboy, grinned as he said somewhat tongue-in-cheek, "Well at least not with each other if ya get me drift mate."

Twickenbuck asked him why he had filed for divorce and Russell simply replied with the standard answer of irreconcilable differences, which really and truly legally covers a multitude of reasons which some divorce lawyers say can actually number somewhere between 800 and 823 officially listed reasons.

Brand was asked if the reason for the marital breakup was due to the fact that his 27-year-old wife was much younger than him.

The comedian got a stern look on his face and remarked that 4 years isn't really all that much of an age difference.

He was told that the difference was actually 9 years.

"Nine years!" He asked. "Oh bloody 'ell, well maybe dats da bloomin' reason why she always kept hollerin' dat I could not keep up with 'er when she's was out shoppin' and stuff."

Russell suddenly got very serious. He told Mr. Twickenbuck that he was going to reveal the real reason why he had filed for divorce from Katy Perry after only being married 14 months.

Brand explained that he is a staunch supporter of President Barack Obama and that he has donated lots of money towards his re-election campaign fund.

He then divulged that recently Katy stated at the couple's breakfast table in their Beverly Hills Hotel suite that she supports Michele Bachmann and that she plans on actively campaigning for her in the coming year.

Russell at that point made it perfectly clear that if that was the case then things were going to change.

Katy angrily put down her pomegranate muffin and prophetically yelled out, "And just what the friggin eff are ya going to do Mr. Brand...divorce me?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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