PYONGYANG - The first act of business by newly appointed North Korea dictator Kim Jung Un is that all streets and sidewalks in this forlorn country be lowered 12 inches.
Although appearing taller because of his penchant for wearing high-heeled Air Jordan sneakers, the best estimate of his vertical height is 5-feet 1-inch. His deceased father towered over him, especially when he wore his stilleto 10-inch spike-heeled pumps that were as much a part of him as his Nero jacket, bouffant hair-do and nuclear-tipped Dong missiles.
Kim Jung Un, tired of the tasteless jokes about his height and the embarrassing speculation that presented itself, decided "enough already." Gathering his most eminent structural engineers, he questioned them as to whether it would be easier to stretch him 12 inches or lower the streets and sidewalks one foot to compensate for "the unpleasant fact that the infrastructure of our streets and sidewalks were built too close to his ass."
Not even close. Unanimously they voted that it would be easier to rebuild the country than risk that their new leader be pulled apart by a stretching machine.
*Dr. Billingsgate requests that his location be kept secret until he completes the construction of his bomb shelter.
