Madonna Wants To Adopt Snooki's Baby
NEW YORK CITY - Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, star of The Jersey Shore just gave birth to a 6-pound-5-ounce baby boy who she named Lorenzo Domino Pizza LaValle. Snooki said that little Domino, as she plans to call him, shot right out of her like a gaze...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston Reveals She Will Name Her Baby Brad
HOLLYWOOD - In yet another example of modern times where weddings sometimes follow the birth of babies, Jennifer Aniston has just issued a dual announcement. She told the Hollywood press that she and boyfriend Justin Theroux are engaged and that s...
Read full storyBig Head on the Mountain
The gears of their well-worn Chinese-made Schwinns were grinding as Dante and his kid sister Uma rounded a steep curve on a wilderness trail in the Black Hills. A gap in the forest foliage gave them a direct view of the mountain known as Rushmore, and they squeezed their handbrakes and came to an abrupt stop, as if the awesome sight before them was the visual equivalent of a roadblock. "Wow,"...
Read full storyRomney And Trump To Advocate Procto Seal At GOP Convention
Inspired by recent breaking news in anal-tattoing, it's now believed Donald Trump first advanced the idea of a national seal in that specific anatomical location--as a proof of citizenship. This seal (specially designed tattoo) will serve as a fi...
Read full storyFifth Avenue Big Oil couple 'sitting on $500trillion of crude' rubbish Goldman Sucks gloom-mongering guru
New York - The reclusive oil tycoons own land and mining rights to a chunk of California crude that easily dwarfs Saudi Arabia's Ghawar Field, regarded by many as the largest conventional oil field in the entire world. This weekend they're sitting...
Read full storyNew York Mets take away 11 'positives' from the 2012 season
New York - With their season running off the rails, the New York Mets have already started to take a look back at the year to see what positives can be salvaged from the train wreck. They found 11: 1. The plan to add performance enhancing drugs to the hotdogs at Citi Field has been successful. Mets fans are singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" much more enthusiastically. 2. The sawdust in...
Read full storyGOP Insider: Lloyd Blankfein Will NOT Be Secretary of the Treasury
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has disclosed to an anonymous source that he probably will not appoint Lloyd Blankfein to the office of Secretary of the Treasury. Blankfein is CEO of Goldman Sachs, one of the nation's most distinguished financial...
Read full storyLL Cool J and Duncan Ferguson front new Neighbourhood Watch Campaign
American rapper LL Cool J and ex-footballer Duncan Ferguson are to spearhead a new neighbourhood watch initiative, it has been announced. The move, encouraging residents to batter the shite out of intruders, comes days after LL Cool J reportedly...
Read full storySelected Political News for W/E 27th August 2012 + comments
Monday 20th August Topic: Ian Duncan Smith - Unemployment - BBC Headline "BBC has 'Peed all over us' says Ian Duncan Smith" Source: The Sun Extract: The Work and Pensions Secretary said economics editor Stephanie Flanders had "peed all over" the figures to paint the Government in a bad light. Statistics last week showed that despite the recession June unemployment was 2.56 million - the low...
Read full storySelected Nottingham News for W/E 26th August 2012 + comments
Monday 21st May 2012 Topic: Crime - Appeal - Robbery Headline "Police seek robbery attempt witnesses" Source: Nottingham Police Site Extract: Police are appealing for witnesses after an attempted robbery at a post office in Bestwood Park. It happened at Elmbridge Post Office, in Beckhampton Road, at about 9.45am yesterday (Wednesday 22 August). A man entered the premises, demanded cash,...
Read full storyWarning Signs wot I noticed today...
I awoke, and perused the warning signs on my morning medications before taking them: Warnings: If you miss dose and it is close to the time for your next dose, miss that one... Do not give to children or and adolescents below 18 years of age... Possible Side Effects: (To numerous to mention) If you take more ........ than you should go to the nearest Hospital A&E... Do not stop...
Read full storyMy Senior Moments: W/E: 27th Aug 2012
Monday 20th August * Up really early to do diaries and mags - then got ready for trip out to Skeggy. * Just made it in time to meet Sister Janet and Brother-in-law Pete for trip out on train to Skegness that they had paid for as an early birthday pressie - except only Brother-in-law Pete was there, seems I got it mixed up again and thought Janet was coming. Not so. * Really enjoyed chinwa...
Read full storyHey, Where Are All The Religionists Now That A Hurricane Is Bearing Down On The Republicans In Tampa?
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!! Where are all the Hellfire and Brimstone preachers at? Where are they when you need them? A hurricane is bearing down on the Republican National Convention and you don't hear a peep out of them. Are they out hiding their heads under a rock? If it were the Democratic National Convention you would surely be hearing that it was God's wrath descending upon t...
Read full storyIt has now been confirmed; Neil Armstrong first astronaut in heaven!
The sad passing of intrepid astronaut, Neil Armstrong RIP, has proven that there is a silver lining in every dark cloud - that he passed after not only achieved cult, global status by being the first man on the moon, but that he is also the first ast...
Read full storyBell Tolls for Alfredo Aceves
Our favorite moralist, Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine, pronounced that it was simple to know the difference between right and wrong. Spoken a day after the biggest Red Sox trade in history (a rival to Babe Ruth's departure), Valentine's words app...
Read full storyBloodsucking Parasites Are In Buckingham Palace!
The Queen, Prince Philip, and several other high ranking members of the Royal Family remain trapped in Buckingham Palace today after coming under attack by millions of fleas and mosquitoes in the early hours of this morning. The bloodsucking pests...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch the disposable bath towel
The High Street Intelligentsia Department Store with more stores in Oxford and Cambridge than it's similarly abbreviated rival, has innovated yet again with the world's first disposable bath towel. "You can either buy a single roll, or family pack...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Offers Katy Perry $20 Million
HOLLYWOOD - Katy Perry is still heartbroken at having been dumped by John "The Player" Mayer but American Idol has just waved 20 million reasons in front of her that should at least put a bit of a smile on her pretty face. Reports out of the Left...
Read full storyBreivik Declared Sane, NRA Make Job Offer
Norwegian mass killer Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 77 people, has been declared sane and has been sentenced to 21 years in prison, the maximum permissible under Norwegian law. However, with good behaviour and no more outbursts about multicul...
Read full storyThe Egg Laying Hens Were Traumatized As Hell
POCAHONTAS, Arkansas - A recent 4.7 earthquake that hit Arkansas caused some damage to three trailer parks in the Greater Pocahontas area. Long time resident Buford "Bubba" Razzfinker, 83, said that at first he thought that the earthquake was just...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Says Rihanna Needs To Have Her Head Examined
NEW YORK CITY - The undisputed "Queen of Mean" has said that Rihanna has just made one of the most ignorant remarks in the history of ignorant remarks. Rivers was referring to the interview the Barbados songstress did with Oprah "Yo Yo" Winfrey.
Read full storySidebar of Shame Throwaway Celebrity Gossip 26th August 2012
Big Fat Gypsy Weddings set to be axed by Channel 4. Coming Soon: Big Fat Gypsy Divorces Kim Kardashians Supremely silly Diana Ross hairdo Well it takes the focus off of Kims butt. Gary's close encounter on The X Factor: CHEEKY wannabe Jamuna grabs Barlow's bum after audition. Or maybe she worked for the Inland Revenue and was looking for his wallet. Celeb Big Brother Latest Julian...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 26th August 2012
Liverpool striker Luis Suarez insists he has a nice side despite admitting he gets angry on the pitch. (The Guardian) And if you disagree with him, he'll bite your ****ing ear off! Tevez is my role model says Luis Suarez (Daily Star) Er yeah, that could be were your going wrong Luis. Balram Chainrai, the former Portsmouth owner, has submitted a new offer in a bid to buy the League One cl...
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