My Senior Moments: W/E: 27th Aug 2012

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 26 August 2012

image for My Senior Moments: W/E: 27th Aug 2012
Friday: This and the micro-wave will have to wait until I win the lottery...

Monday 20th August

* Up really early to do diaries and mags - then got ready for trip out to Skeggy.

* Just made it in time to meet Sister Janet and Brother-in-law Pete for trip out on train to Skegness that they had paid for as an early birthday pressie - except only Brother-in-law Pete was there, seems I got it mixed up again and thought Janet was coming. Not so.

* Really enjoyed chinwag and journey to Skeggy, nice weather not too hot, little wind.

* Arrived at station and joined queue for mens WC.

* Hobbled down Lumley Road to the seafront, and ventured up to the shoreline to test the water.

* Walked North along the road, many things/memories found to discuss with Pete from 30 years ago last time either of us visited Skeggy.

* The deadly mobile scooters were rife, and I had a few close calls with them - but managed to avoid being knocked over by any this time!

* We passed a few Scooter hire and sales shops on out walks.

* Called in chippy for Pete to have his Fish & Chips - I must say having sampled one of his chips, and a bit of his fish - I thought they were horrible!

* Realised my left shoe was split open, so looked in cheapo shops and managed to find a pair of shoes for £12, a bargain thought I - threw old ones in waste bin.

* Hobbled dodging the deadly scooters back to the Train station in time to get catch train. Passing a shop that sold the same shoes for £10. Luckily Pete had hung onto the tickets.

* Nothing exciting I know, but I really enjoyed the day out, and thanked Pete.

* Got in Nottingham station, and I caught the Tram to the Forest, and walked rest of way home.

* Called in for loaf and spring water at Lidl - the staff being their usual 'must-you-bother-me selves.

Tuesday 21st August

* Up and readied for INR Warfarin level checks at hospital. Did diaries first.

* Weather great for walk to hospital, did it in under 90 minutes!

* In and out like a shot again at clinic, again too early to use free bus pass, so walked back home... taking nearly two hours this time, the new shoes were hurting!

* Called at Stewards on way back, no one there though, must be out and about methinks!

* Had a nosh, battered fishcake sandwiches. (Oh I do live well!)

* Just about to go out, and the thunder and lightning started... so I stayed in.

Wednesday 22nd August

* Woke up feeling a bit stiff, went to make a cuppa - turned off the oven I'd left on all night, filled kettle, went up to WC, turned off the water heater I'd left on all night, then searched for a hour or so before finding me hearing aids on top of the digital radio that does not work anymore.

* Did diaries, created graphic for facebook to tell folk... then realised too late that I'd put the wrong date on the graphic.

* Not a good start to the day... the kettle wasn't working.

Thursday 23rd August

* Stomach even more bloated and painful this morning - but knees, hands, neck & shoulder, feet, sternum, ulcer, hernia and earache all easier! Hurrah!

* Bad nights kip though, took me until 0400hrs to nod off, then I nodded off and missed me morning medications! Grrr...

* Went over to see Margaret and Stew about 1030hrs, they were off out shopping in Sherwood.

* Came back to the hovel and did the diaries for the day.

* Around 1600hrs I nipped out to Lidl to try and get some tomatoes, potatoes and lettuce.

Friday 24th August

* Bit dizzy this morning, but it soon cleared.

* Medications - did diaries, abluted and made some baked cheese & potatoes for Margaret.

* Went over the road to see Stewart and Margaret, but she was not there today (Sob!)

* Walked into town and caught bus out to Morrison's, where I raided their Special offers - Tin Potatoes at 19p, Battered fish steaks for 99p, short date red potatoes at £1, and Vegetable Curry at 59p a tin. Making sure this time I did not get too much to carry home.

* Bus back to town, then bus to Carrington, put stuff away and got the laundry ready... off to the launderette.

* £12 later, I returned home and decided to warm up some left over stuff in the micro-wave.

* The micro-wave not longer works.

* I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the many considerate gits that have popped unsolicited mail through my door again, this week:

Netflix: Who obviously don't know I do not own a TV

The Midnight Pharmacy: Who informed me they open until midnight, with free parking on the road after 0930hrs. Who obviously don't know I do not own a car any more.

Scottish Power: Kindly offering me the golden opportunity to switch my utility needs the them.

Golden Grill Pizza and Kebab: Who obviously don't know I do not like pizzas or kebabs.

Top Pizza Chicken and Kebab: Who obviously don't know I do not like pizzas or kebabs.

Nott's building and Roofing Ltd: Who obviously do not realise my impecunious position.

Pick and Mix: Offering me Highlights from £39, Deluxe pedicure £26, Gents haircuts from £12. Who obviously don't realise I'm as bald as a badger.

UK Pizza: Who obviously don't know I do not like pizzas.

Golden Southern Fried Chicken and Pizza: Who cannot be aware of my dislike of Pizzas or my being barred from eating anything fried.

Kebabish Takeaway: Who obviously don't know I do not like pizzas or kebabs.

Ingeus (Formerley Wor Directions): Informing me that I can claim up to £2,275 when I employ an 18 to 24 year-old yob... I mean person.

Green Thumb: Telling me the secret of a beautiful lawn. Not encouraging one to let them do the lawn with any confidence... as it is obvious there are no gardens attached to the premises!

The Mind Shop, and the National Hereditary Breast Cancer: For leaving me a plastic bag to place my donations in for them.

The Nottingham Police: Asking me if I noticed anything yesterday evening between 2200hrs and 2250hrs, when two of the houses opposite mine were burgled. even supplying me with a telephone number I could use. Obviously they are not aware of my hearing difficulties.

Gives one a warm feeling being so popular...

* Put some micro-wave chips in micro-wave to cook... forgot the thing had broken!

* So, the kettle, the micro-wave, and the digital radio all need attention or replacing. I might be able to afford a replacement kettle from Asda...

Saturday 25th August

* Feeling unbelievably drained this morning.

* Went over to see Margaret and Stew, came back and nodded off.

* So weary.

Sunday 26th August

* Feeling a lot better this morning.

* Did diaries, blog, and passed water eleven times during the process... oh, twelve now.

* Scrub and a brush up - then over to see Margaret and Stewart - Stew watching his newly purchased DVD's on his giant TV. Margie making his nosh for him. His toilet was blocked so I popped back and got me gloves, coathanger and bucket, returned and in seconds I was down the hole, and freed it - then took about 5 minutes to get meself stood back up again!

* Came home, Margaret chasing after me... at last! But no, it was only because I'd forgotten me bucket and gloves... huh!

* Got on laptop to finish this and me blog, then submit me weekly waffle to the Spoof.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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