Wisconsin Style Cheese Fart Operation Not Covered By Obamacare
BILLINGSGATE POST - As a countermeasure to Paul Ryan's plan to overhaul Obamacare, the White House announced today that the noxious cheese farts emanating from the butts of Wisconsin Cheeseheads in this dairy state will not be covered by what is know...
Read full storyThe Honourlympics is about to begin
In a shock revelation, Sebastian (Lord) Coe has announced a new competition that will feature heavily on our TV screens, newspaper front pages and social media for the next few weeks. "As soon as the Paralympics is over" states Lord Coe, "we will...
Read full storyBritain has no sailors for our subs - emergency recruitment planned!
The United Kingdom armed forces have been decimated by recent cuts with unforeseen consequences. An average nuclear-powered hunter-killer sub requires a crew of 76 and a Trident sub needs a crew of 142 men and women. The above numbers do not in...
Read full storyDallas cowboys told Salvator Mundi is not for sale
Texas - The reported $192 million 'transfer fee' targeting a reclusive Lily Pond Lane, East Hampton art buff has been rubbished as wildly optimistic pie-in-the-sky. Leonardo Da Vinci's fabulous Salvator Mundi dazzled the art world at London's Roya...
Read full storyVan Persie Sectioned After "Little Boy Inside Me" Ramblings
Manchester United new boy Robin Van Persie has been sectioned under the mental health act. The shocking news comes after Van Persie claimed a little boy inside of him helps him make hard decisions in his life. United chiefs are said to be furio...
Read full storyPundits: Well, in a legitimate democracy, Todd Akin would never be elected
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Missouri Congressman and Senate candidate Todd Akin's comment that pregnancy would not occur in a "legitimate rape" has been met with widespread condemnation from Democrats and Republicans, prompting speculation Akin's Senate run is...
Read full storyMan Utd Sign Raphael Sanzio for Undisclosed Fee
It was announced, yesterday, that Manchester United have signed the 14th century artist Raphael Sanzio from FC Munchen Gladbach for an undisclosed sum. Rover's manager Fergus Alexson was said to be delighted with the team's new acquisition, having...
Read full storyIs Vagina Magical
The International Society of Gynecologists made an observation that whenever the word vagina was used in any of their leaflets or advertising the response to that advertising was overwhelming. Dr Peak A Boo, a world renowned gynecologist said, "...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Hints Extradition Swap: Assange For Bush Cheney Plus Chevron Execs
Thanks to our intrepid roving journalist Pepe Warezabar, we have breaking news on a deal to move Assange direct to the US, eliminating the Swedes entirely. Pepe and Hillary Clinton have known each other since the Arab Spring in Egypt, and most recently along the border of Syria-Turkey Hillary greatly admires Pepe's ability to scour out the best saloons in any area. The following interview too...
Read full storyNew York Giants: Role Models for Bullies Everywhere
Tom Coughlin of the New York Giants may be wondering if his puerile Super Bowl team is actually better suited to high school level. The bullying video of one teammate dousing another in a vat of ice water smacks of juvenile antics. With pro ath...
Read full storyAssange sprung from Ecuadorian Embassy
London, England. Wikileaks advocate, Julian Assange, has managed to secrete himself out of the Ecuadorian embassy, only to find his travels curtailed when the laundry bag he hid in was dropped at the local laundromat where Pakistani laundry hands dis...
Read full storyRon & Fred: Multiculturalism.
"What was all that abaht Fred, you've gone n upset that Irish gaffer right good n proper." "Paddy the bloody plonker 'e is. Stands there tellin' me I'm a raceeist just 'cause I tells 'im I don't wanna pint o' Guinness. Twat!" "Gotta be careful these days Fred, yer can't go rahnd makin' racist remarks mate." "Raceeist remarks? I was up at the the bar t' get me rahnd in, Paddy comes along t...
Read full storyRed Sox Hear Bulldog Boolah Boolah, not Boo Birds
The Red Sox have Harvard University across the Charles River to consult, but they went instead to New Haven to find a Yale locksmith to help to secure the team. For the first time since the 1880s in major league baseball, the pitcher and catcher w...
Read full storyAustralia To Introduce Personality Testing To Identify Dangerous Dogs
In an attempt to curb attacks on people by dangerous dogs, the Australian Veterinary Association (AVA) has proposed the introduction of research into conducting personality tests for canines. AVA spokesman, Jake Russell, told us "We have two issue...
Read full storyCuriosity on Mars didn't kill the cat, it zapped a Martian $2,5 billion rock!
Sensational photos coming back from Mars have proven that "Curiosity" doesn't only kill cats; it zaps Martian stones too! Scientists at NASA were wetting their pants as these historic photos reached their computer screens. They fell into each othe...
Read full storyQueen Ordered to Muzzle Corgis
HM Queen Elizabeth II has been ordered to muzzle her corgis in public places and has been summoned to appear at the Central London Magistrates Court, in order to answer a charge under the Dangerous Dogs Act. The move follows a vicious attack by tw...
Read full storyLife - diminishing utility
Human infant is, in fact, born as a helpless creature. The baby lacks any inherited mechanism for behavior. However, the child gradually learns how to behave by means of an educational mechanism known as culture. This cultural mechanism teaches the child skills, knowledge and the accepted norms of dealing with people and the supernatural forces surrounding man. Culture is no longer believed to be...
Read full storyMy Senior Moments: W/E: 19th August 2012
Monday 13th Aug * Up and at em this morning - feeling better than for a long time. Medicated, ablutionised, and over the road to see Margaret, looking good. * Walked to Bulwell, got some nosh in, and bussed home to the hovel. * Bit of bother late on staying awake, and food came back up. Tuesday 14th Aug * Again, despite proper kip, I felt okay this morning. * Medications, ablutions, diarie...
Read full storySelected Political News for W/E 19th August 2012 + comments
Monday 13th Aug Topic: Politics - Holidays Headline "Cameron, Clegg and Miliband head off on post-Olympics holidays" Source: BBC News Extract: David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband are heading off on holiday, in a post-Olympics political exodus. Both Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg are reportedly travelling to Spain for their break - where the Lib Dem leader will be visiting his wife's family.
Read full storySelected Nottingham News for W/E 19th August 2012 + comments
Monday 13th Aug Topic: Charity - School holidays Headline "Nottingham food bank opened for school holidays" Source: BBC News Extract: A new food bank aimed at helping families during the school summer holidays has opened in Nottingham. The NG7 food bank was set up by volunteers following reports people were walking from the city centre to another food bank in Beeston. The new service giv...
Read full storyCuriosity Kills Rover
The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reports. Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but photos NASA received shortly before he...
Read full storyMitt Romney To Take Ann Coulter's Advice and Shave His Head
ASHTABULA, Ohio - Mitt Romney has reportedly confided to one of his closest aide's that the time has come for him to finally make a decision regarding his much talked about hairdo. Romney said that his very close friend and fellow Republican Ann "...
Read full storyBrad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: "No Presents Please"
NEW YORK CITY - After seven years of living together without the benefit of a marriage license Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have finally decided to make their relationship legal. The couple stated that the reason why they decided to become husband...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Comforts Evelyn Lozada
LOS ANGELES - Charlie Sheen has certainly seen his share of ups and downs on the roller coaster of the marital world. Sheen confessed to Barbara Walters on The View that many times in his marriages and/or relationships he has felt like he was noth...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 20th August 2012
West Ham co-owner David Sullivan has revealed the Hammers still owe more than £10m to Sheffield United over the "Carlos Tevez affair" (Daily Mirror) They're repaying at 50p per week. Manager Roberto Mancini has been ordered by Manchester City's Abu Dhabi owners to stop his public attacks on football director Brian Marwood. (Sunday People) Mancini has decided to go back to the anonymous lett...
Read full storyNonagenarian Couple Celebrates Their 75th Wedding Anniversary
Kissimmee FL: A lavish anniversary party was held at Disney World for Betty and Harold Smith originally from Minot ND, currently retired to Tampa FL, having been married to each other for 75 years. The celebration was held at a hotel in the Magic...
Read full storyV Festival performers refused permission to use Olympic Lanes
Celebrity musician and X-Factor Chav, sorry Judge, was fuming today after being told she and her entourage could not use the Olympic Zil lanes to get from Stafford to Chelmsford to perform her new hit single on stage. The cousin of Dappy blew a fu...
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