V Festival performers refused permission to use Olympic Lanes

Funny story written by radiogagger

Monday, 20 August 2012


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Celebrity musician and X-Factor Chav, sorry Judge, was fuming today after being told she and her entourage could not use the Olympic Zil lanes to get from Stafford to Chelmsford to perform her new hit single on stage.

The cousin of Dappy blew a fuse when told she would have to take a Virgin train from Stafford to Chelmsford, or travel on the M6.

The V Festival takes place over 2 days at both locations, with performers swapping venues on alternate days. Tulisa performed at Stafford on Saturday and was booked to do Chelmsford on Sunday.

The ban on using the Zil lane was believed to be a dig at V overlord Richard 'waccy baccy beard' Branson, who criticized the government when Virgin Trains lost the West Coast franchise. A government spokesperson (it's unclear but also irrelevant whether it was a man or a woman) replied "Why not let the train take the strain?"

The former N-Dubz band member continued the trend of performing new material to large audiences, like stoner George Michael at last weeks Olympic closing ceremony (estimated audience - 80,000 in stadium + 4 billion worldwide). Fans at both venues appeared underwhelmed with the new single. One wrote on twitter 'without the sex video release that accompanied her last single, Tulisa failed to arouse me'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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