Red Sox Hear Bulldog Boolah Boolah, not Boo Birds

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Monday, 20 August 2012

The Red Sox have Harvard University across the Charles River to consult, but they went instead to New Haven to find a Yale locksmith to help to secure the team.

For the first time since the 1880s in major league baseball, the pitcher and catcher were Yale men, a couple of bulldogs.

Red Sox players Craig Breslow and Ryan Lavarnway attended Yale University earlier in this decade and played ball for the Ivy League bastion.

Only Breslow graduated with a degree in molecular biology, whereas Lavarnway was a philosophy major that dropped out.

Much ado has been made of this interesting alignment of the New England academic scene, but lost in all the hubbub is the fact that the Red Sox person most responsible for Ivy League influence on the team has moved on.

Yes, Theo Epstein, former General Manager, is a Yalie with a boolah boolah past who now hears mostly boo boo from the Fenway Faithful nowadays.

Epstein moved on to the greener pastures of the Chicago Cubs in the off-season, leaving his fellow Ivy Leaguer, Ben Cherington, in charge of the charged up battery of Lavarnway and Breslow.

Cherington, no slouch on the Ivy League scorecard, also has one of those expensive educations, his being Amherst College.

Manager Bobby Valentine who fancies himself as a Mensa candidate finds talking to the brains on the Red Sox more than a little intimidating.

Breslow likely could find work at NASA, working on Martian DNA. Lavarnway might offer Bobby some perspective by sending him the collected works of Henry David Thoreau.

Valentine might find solace and comfort by living alone at Walden Pond in Concord.

If you ever wanted an indication that the Red Sox are slipping slowly into oblivion, you need only realize that the most intriguing Sox record set this season relates to Yale baseball.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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