Selected Political News for W/E 19th August 2012 + comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Monday, 20 August 2012

image for Selected Political News for W/E 19th August 2012 + comments
Wednesday: Cost of Train journeys

Monday 13th Aug
Topic: Politics - Holidays
Headline "Cameron, Clegg and Miliband head off on post-Olympics holidays"
Source: BBC News
Extract: David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband are heading off on holiday, in a post-Olympics political exodus.

Both Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg are reportedly travelling to Spain for their break - where the Lib Dem leader will be visiting his wife's family.

The Labour leader is understood to be spending a fortnight's holiday in Greece with his wife and two sons.

In the absence of the PM and his deputy, Foreign Secretary William Hague is in charge of government business.

Home Secretary Theresa May will be the most senior minister in Whitehall next week - while there will be at least one minister on duty in every department throughout August.

London airports are prepared for the departure of about 200,000 people a day this week as visitors leave the UK after the Olympic Games.

Unusually, all three main political party leaders are now holidaying abroad.

Comments: Well I hobbled down to Bulwell to get a tin of cheap goulash 89p, and tub of out-of-date Smash for 50p!

Tuesday 14th Aug
Topic: Witchcraft - Vodoo - Crime - Child abuse - Murder
Headline "Witchcraft child abuse: social services and police 'cowed by political correctness' claims minister"
Source: Telegraph
Extract: 'Political correctness' is preventing police from stopping child abuse by parents and church leaders who believe in witchcraft, a minister warns.

Tim Loughton, the children's minister, said that a "wall of silence" was obscuring the full scale of cruelty in some communities where beliefs in evil spirits was common.
He was speaking as the Government announced plans to introduce new training for social workers, teachers, police and church members to combat the abuse.
It follows the conviction earlier this year of Eric Bikubi a London football coach, and his partner Magalie Bamu, for torturing and murdered a 15-year-old boy because they believed he was practising witchcraft.
The couple, whose families came from the Democratic Republic of Congo, subjected Bamu's brother Kristy to a three-day ordeal because they were convinced he was practising "kindoki" or sorcery.

Comments: Difficult situation!

Wednesday 15th Aug
Topic: Cost of travel - Railway - Price Increases
Headline "The great train fare robbery: We already pay up to 10 times more than in Europe... now they're rocketing again"
Source: The Mirror
Extract: Commuters heading to London pay nearly 10 times more than those on Italy's state-run network do to go the same distance to Rome

In most cases, customers here are forced to stump up three-and-half times extra for an annual season ticket to travel into their capital. 

This is before yesterday's bombshell announcement that they will soon be clobbered with a rise of up to 11% - sparking the fury of commuters, union leaders and transport campaigners.

It means hordes of passengers will now be paying £150 a week just to get to work from January - adding to a growing clamour for our railways to be re-nationalised.

Comments: Re-nationalised? Never... not while the MPs shares in the rail companies are so profitable mate!

Thursday 16th Aug
Topic: Tax dodgers - HMRC
Headline "Tax evaders and fraudsters gallery is published by HMRC"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Tax officials have published a gallery of photographs of the people they consider to be the most wanted UK tax fugitives.

The gallery, published for the first time online, details 20 people who HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) believe are responsible for £765m of tax evasion and fraud.

All have been identified and most are thought to be living outside the UK.

Tax officials hope that the public will have information that helps the search.

The pictures, which include one woman, are being published on the HMRC's flickr channel. The tax authority is searching for these people who are all identified, and has appealed for help by asking people to contact Crimestoppers.

Comments: Shame they don't put any urgency on advertising a Muggers, Rioters, or Murderer's gallery - but of course Muggers, Rioters and Murderers do not affect the politicians financial situation as much do they? Nepotist gits!

Friday 17th Aug
Topic: Dangerous driving - Crime - Sentencing
Headline "Man who killed a father of five in a high-speed crash has been jailed"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Paul Pilotille, 30, from Burley, Leeds, pleaded guilty to causing death by dangerous driving.

Leeds Crown Court heard how he ploughed into 49-year-old Mohammed Yousaf's taxi at 55mph on 23 June.

The court heard Pilotille had been driving at speeds of up to 90mph in a 30mph zone before the crash. He was jailed for eight years, and disqualified from driving for 10 years.

Lawyer in the case Bashir Ahmed said: "He failed to stop at the scene or to even report the incident which may have allowed Mr Yousaf to receive medical treatment.

Comments: Jailed for eight years, and disqualified? He's a killer... pathetic sentencing I think!

Saturday 18th Aug
Topic: Fire Engine Leasing - Austerity
Headline "Sale of London fire engine fleet to equity firm for £2 sparks safety row"
Source: The Guardian
Extract: The Fire Brigades Union has warned that public safety is being put at risk by the privatisation of public services after it emerged that the owner of London and Lincoln's fire engines had sold its UK fleet for £2.

AssetCo said it had sold its UK fire-engine leasing and maintenance business because the contracts were "based on a flawed business and financial structure". The business owns the leasing and maintenance contracts for the two fire authorities and has been sold to the private-equity firm AB&A Investments. AssetCo said the business made a loss of £16.5m in the 18 months to 30 September 2011 on a turnover of £33.5m.

"The board and senior management are now able to focus on creating shareholder value through the company's restructured business model, positioning AssetCo as a provider of outsourced fire and rescue operations," the firm said, adding that it operates a, referring to its contract in the United Arab Emirates where it also provides training for staff, alongside fire engines and maintenance. It said it was "pursuing further opportunities in the Middle East".

Comments: It confuses me being uneducated - but there's some nepotism involved somewhere along the line I'm certain!

Sunday 19th Aug
Topic: Gordon Brown - Expenses - Fraud
Headline "Brown in £20,000 expenses row"
Source: The Sun
Extract: Brown has claimed nearly £20,000 in expenses since leaving No 10 - despite speaking only THREE times in Parliament, the Tories said last night.
The ex-PM has claimed £19,237.55 for the cost of travelling between his Scottish constituency and London and other expenses between June 2010 and January 2012, they alleged.
That works out out at nearly £6,500 per Commons speech - enough to pay for six primary school places or four hip replacements.
Tory MP Priti Patel said: "It's shocking that Gordon Brown is claiming thousands, but rarely turns up to speak or even vote on his constituents' behalf in the Commons."
More at the link.

Comments: I'd like to say I'm surprised - but of course, I'm not in the least surprised at the nepotistic qualities of politicians...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more