Tony Bennett Alleges His Hair is Real

Funny story written by Don Fulsom

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Tony Bennett not only claims the United States "caused" the 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers, but also-in a startling new assertion-the legendary 85-year-old crooner says his long-time alleged wig is, in reality, his own hair.

Bennett defended his hair in an exclusive interview with "Wig World," and international magazine and club designed to fight prejudice against wig-wearers from all walks of life. "You got the wrong guy," Bennett told the publication. "My hair is my own, despite the fact that it looks phony. I just purposely shampoo and style it to look like a hairpiece.

"Those who don't believe it is my own hair are just as nasty and potentially lethal as the terrorists who struck us on 9/11," the elderly songbird declared.

Earlier, in an interview with Howard Stern, Bennett said that terrorists "flew the plane in, but we caused it … because we were bombing them and they told us to stop."

Bennett did tell "Wig World" he is not willing to let professional wig investigators take a close look at the hair-like mass "that rests on my dome because I spend lots of time in the barber shop getting it to look like a wig … and don't want it messed up. Besides, a terrorist might try to fly a plane into it in retribution for my revelation about 9/11."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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