Italy sells the Vatican to bail itself out of debt
Rome - Bishop Guido Sarduchee held a press conference today announcing that the Vatican has been taken over by the Italian government. The relics of Christendom are now available on Ebray, the online action house. The Pope himself is up for ren...
Read full storyLeveson Enquiry to be made into a film
The Leveson Enquiry, the enquiry into the phone hacking scandal, is to be made into a major Hollywood Blockbuster for release in 2014. "It will be massive," said Steve Spielberg, who has been asked to produce the movie. "We have a few teething iss...
Read full storyThe True Spirit of Christmas: Pepper Spray!
The annual War on Christmas has already taken its toll this year, with atheist billboards going up next to highways across the country, shocking the sensibilities of Christians on their way to Wal-Mart. But some Christians have found a way to fight b...
Read full storySomalia Chosen as Country with Highest Quality of Life
The Bureau for the Observation of Life Official Quality Statistics (BOLOQS) have declared the top ten countries with the highest quality of life in 2011. Countries were rated on a number of different attributes, including latitude, number of vowels i...
Read full story98% Of Tattoos Using Chinese Characters Are Actually Insults
A shocking new survey has revealed that 98% of fashionable Mandarin lettered tattoos are actually insults, in Mandarin, directed at the tattoo wearer. In typically xenophobic mode, former BNP member Peter Patriot (Name changed by deed poll.) was p...
Read full story£10bn Irish bank scam 'targetted 2.2 million UK Post Office accounts'
Ballybollox, Eire - An ingenious scam by a dodgy Irish bank was revealed today at a whistleblower's industrial tribunal hearing. Shergar Bank & Truss Corp is accused of forming a joint venture bank with the UK Post Office whose 2.2 million acc...
Read full storyBeer To Drop To A Pound A Pint, Cigarettes To 50p A Packet
In a revolutionary initiative driven by breweries, the government, and a delegation from the FTSE's Top 100, beer prices will be reduced to a pound a pint in time for Christmas, with cigarette prices plunging to fifty pence a packet, and the lifting...
Read full storyMary Jo Cooks Up A Storm
Mary Jo Usedtobe is desparate for revenge of a different kind, penning multiple books including the controversial "My Divorce Sucked and Still Crying My Eyes Out." Now her latest culinary venture "Cooking For Your Cubster!" is ready for release - a...
Read full storyThank You and Goodbye
The Leveson enquiry into media misdemeanours was shaken today when media tycoon Rupert Murdoch said to the enquiry - quoting famous line from Shakespeare :'Thank you and Goodbye.' Assembled newshounds were shocked. But what did Murdoch's words mea...
Read full storyStrikers Warned 'You May End the World!'
David Cameron pulled no punches as he launched into those intending to strike on November 30th. 'You should take your example from Bankers who, despite being criticised by one and all, are continuing to work for a paltry wage' he told a crowd of...
Read full storyTeachers responsible for economic crisis
Government ministers have clashed with union chiefs over claims that teachers are to blame for the economic recession. Downing Street has stood by their claim, saying it is a 'clear fact' that teacher are to blame for the banking crisis. David Cam...
Read full storyMan Mown Down by Mobile Phone Users Imprisoned
John Windbag was sentenced to two years imprisonment after he lost his case against a number of irate mobile phone user(MPUs). Walking down a busy street Windbag was musing about a joke he was thinking up when BANG - he was mown down by a group of...
Read full storyX Factor - Why are ratings slipping?
Simon Cowell is currently stateside wondering why his beloved UK version is suffering in the latest ratings war. 'Talentless, no ability to perform' and 'drug taker' are just some of the labels being applied to the X Factor this year and that's just the panel! So, is the ratings slump down to the loss of Cole, Cowell and Minogue or is there another reason? We decided to look at what's bee...
Read full storyAusterity Christmas pud and 'sawdust' mince pies: the Queen's Christmas bonus to loyal Palace staff
London - HM Elizabeth, Queen of Mean, is splurging out a stonking 69p each on Christmas fare bulk orders for loyal Palace staff. Instead of the traditional extra week's wages employees 'are getting the bum's rush' with bottom-of-the-range Insanesb...
Read full storyChristine Bleakley and Adrian Chiles Axed From Daybreak - Not Enough Says TV Repair Man
The show has been a problem for ITV since it was launched in September 2010, receiving appallingly low ratings. Bleakley and Chiles were poached from BBC's The One Show earlier this year in a bid to improve Daybreak's fortunes. The move failed and...
Read full storyBerlusconi asks Pope for Asylum
Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has asked the Pope for asylum over lunch last week in the Pontiff's private apartment at the Vatican. The meeting had been at Berlusconi's request. "Signor Berlusconi has always had a high regard for...
Read full storyTorture - The Irish Way
China and Iran are two countries that spring to mind when we think about torture, however, if I had to choose a country in which to suffer it I would be happy to be stuck in Ireland. Here follows a list of Irish torture techniques: Cheese boarding: Subjects are made to sniff whiffy cheeses such as 'Stinky Bishop' and Stilton for hours on end. In extreme circumstances prison guards have even bee...
Read full storyNew Crime Wave Spreads Across Britain
As the European debt crises worsens and Britain's economic outlook gets bleaker by the day, a disturbing new crime wave has erupted across the nation. What began with unscrupulous thieves stealing garden gates, television aerials and the lead from...
Read full storySandra Bullock Devastated At Being Dumped By Ryan Reynolds For Blake Lively
HOLLYWOOD - Sandra Bullock has certainly had more than her share of ups and downs in the love and romance department. Bullock recently spoke with Hacienda Dakota of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis at The La Brea Tar Pits Diner and discussed her latest disappo...
Read full storyKanye West Tells 15-Year-Old Astro of 'X-Factor' That He Likes His Angry Rapper Style
HOLLYWOOD - Kanye West had just finished filming an episode of the reality show Khloe and Lamar when he was asked what he thought about the meltdown that 15-year-old Astro had on X-Factor. West shook his head and told LaSabrosa Windwater of Afro S...
Read full storyNottingham City Council to introduce 'Pedestrian Licences'
Bad News today, for the remaining retail outlets that have not gone bankrupt in Nottingham. Local Councillor Mick Stupp explained: This new initiative will blend in with the 'Workplace Parking Levy', our 'Increased City Centre Car Parking Charges, and 'Selective Road Tolls'. It's handy for us that we have so many empty retail units in the City Centre, that we can use for PWLA (Pedestrian 'Wa...
Read full storyMary Jo Looking For Young Cubs
"Look, I get the urge to date younger cublets after an ugly, messy and nasty divorce. More of these cubs are single without ex wives, kids and the baggage that comes along with age. They're probably more willing to please an aggressive domineering wo...
Read full storyMore Atheist babies being born to religious parents
The office of National Statistics has reported an alarming increase in the number of Atheist babies being born to religious parents. Anna and Steve Gutridge of Lower Funting, Harts are one such couple: "I'm C of E and the wife has what you might d...
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