Teachers responsible for economic crisis

Written by Mudwizard

Friday, 25 November 2011

Government ministers have clashed with union chiefs over claims that teachers are to blame for the economic recession.

Downing Street has stood by their claim, saying it is a 'clear fact' that teacher are to blame for the banking crisis. David Cameron said, "If teachers were better at their jobs we simply would not be in the position that we are in now. Being numerate is an essential skill if one is to succeed in a financial institution like a bank. Today's bankers just cannot do their sums; and who is to blame? There is no escaping the fact that teachers are responsible for all the economic woes of this county; if bankers cannot do their sums right then it is the teachers that taught them who are at fault. How can they expect a right to a decent pension when they are personally responsible for such huge financial losses? Their audacity simply defies belief".

But unions have accused them of 'passing the buck'. "Pupils who go into banking are, by their very nature, self-centred, greedy, bastards with a 'want it now' mentality. How is it ever the teachers fault; most of these pupils were hardly in class. They were selling weed behind the bike sheds or running dinner money protection rackets".

As more than two million teachers are expected to join action on 30 November over changes to public sector pensions; Cameron said this evening, "The unions retort is invalid. Morals, morals, morals; if teachers were any good at their jobs they would have taught these pupils proper morals. Is it any wonder that bankers are such money grabbing self-centered bastards when they have had such inappropriate role models as teachers? Listen to them, just listen to them; "I want a living wage", "I want a pension that I can live on". "I want to be able to retire before I die". It's me, me, me all the time. No wonder the country is in such a state!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more