Lindsay Lohan 5th Time Is A Charm
Lindsay Lohan was sentienced to 30 days incarceration for breaking the rules of her probation. The original charges stemmed from an incoident where Lohan walked out of a Beverly Hills jewelry store wearing a neckless she neglected to pay for. Lohan c...
Read full storyMan shoves 37 fireworks up his arse and dies
A man who stuck 37 fireworks in his backside has died from fatal burns after a stray roman candle exploded out of sequence. Mario Bollocktelly from Manchester was performing his annual firework arse stuffing extravaganza for local orphans when a C...
Read full storyMaryland Woman Accuses Herman Cain of Sexual Fantasy Harassment
Elkridge, MD -- Joining the parade of women popping up from all corners of the nation to accuse Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain of sexual harassment is Maryland's own Irma Squat of Elkridge. In a World Nutz Daily exclusive, the 43-ye...
Read full storyMonkeys working in Japanese restaurant are no "chimps"!
Two monkeys working in a Japanese restaurant have proved they are neither "chumps" nor "chimps" in fact they are macaque monkeys and highly intelligent. The owner of the restaurant employs them because they are cheap and only receive "monkey nuts"...
Read full storyBuffalo Bill Ryan Fitzpatrick is not Exceeding Expectations in Bed, Lover Says
Ryan Fitzpatrick has recently come under attack by a mysterious voice recording. His troubles started this week when a weird pornographic tape was distributed by Fitzpatrick's lover, who wishes to be referred to as the "Lover." In the tape, it's a...
Read full story3D Dorking Review Movie Release Scheduled To Coincide With London 2012 Olympics
The much heralded 3D movie version release of best selling pay per view book, 'The Dorking Review' - which looks highly likely to revolutionise the way we look at 'Money For Funny' entertainment, looks all set to be released to coincide with the 2012...
Read full storyScott Walker shocked unemployed would protest
Green Bay, Wis--Scott Walker was greeted by a large number of unemployed on Tuesday, as he held a job summit in the atrium of Lambeau Field in Green Bay, WI. The protestors were unemployed workers wondering where all the jobs were that Mr. Walker...
Read full storyTwenty-third richest US Representative made his money the old fashion way
Washington--Republican James Sensenbrenner made his money the old fashion way, he crafted laws that lowered his taxes on the money he invested. "I had to craft legislation to lower my taxes, because how else was I going to make any money in Congr...
Read full storyRick Perry wasn't high on Friday, just high on life
Washington--Rick Perry is denying rumors that he was drunk or high when he spoke to some rich Republicans in Manchester, NH, on Friday. "I was not high, I was just high on life. I feel I am making a comeback in the polls, as 9-9-9er is doing a nos...
Read full storyParanormal Coeds Do Snoop Dogg Video At Cancun
CANCUN - Missy Rimshot and Connie Plunge, freshmen coeds at the University of Virginia, promised their mom and dad that they would refrain from drink and promiscuous behavior if they were allowed to join their friends in Cancun over semester break.
Read full storyProfessor Norton Folgate's Theory on Castles
In the sometime occasional series by Professor Norton Folgate there have been many fascinating and intriguing topics and today's is no exception. It has been questioned why these theories have not been published previously, by a better known and more respected Professor and the answer is simple, they couldn't be published sooner by a more respected Professor as they are the theories of Professo...
Read full storySinging Sensation Justin Bieber Rocks The House With His Appearance On 'Dancing With The Stars'
HOLLYWOOD - Justin Bieber was asked who his favorite Dancing With The Stars celebrity dancer was and he blushed and replied that it would have to be the gorgeously sexy Hope Solo. Justin said that being from Canada, he has always been a fan of soc...
Read full storyTebow's Front Line Waits for God to Stop the Blitz
Following his October 23 win against the Dolphins and sincere thanks to his creator for helping him perform well, Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was on his own against the Lions, getting sacked unceremoniously into the turf seven times. With chunks o...
Read full storyRick Perry Incompetent at Finding Jesus on Amistad Street
While touring the Midwest on the campaign trail, Rick Perry decided to take a detour to a fabled corner in the southern lands of America. A song speaks of a corner where the First path meets the road to Amistad. According to mythical radiological...
Read full storyNew Flag Of The U.K. To Celebrate Queen's Diamond Jubilee!
The flag of the United Kingdom, more generally know as the Union Jack, it's current design dates back to 1801 with the Union of Great Britain and Ireland, is to be replaced by a new multicultural flag in time to form part of The Queen's Diamond Jubil...
Read full storyYou'll never get pregnant THAT way Danes tell daft Kate
Copenhagen - Sterling pregnancy advice from fecund Danish red-bloods has left silly stick insect Kate Middleton fuming. Unicef rentacrowd shoo-ins met the faux duchess and her equally spurious royal husband outside a foreign aid warehouse where th...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: David Arquette Is Eliminated And The Audience Erupts In A Loud Chorus of Boos
HOLLYWOOD - One of the most popular celebrities to ever appear on Dancing With The Stars, David Arquette found himself, along with legal maven Nancy "Graceless" Grace in the "Bottom Two." And when Host Tom Bergeron announced that the celebrity goi...
Read full storyFrance And Germany Learn A Tough European Lesson, Says Controversial Academic
After centuries of trying to dominate Europe, the continent's two major powers are learning a tough lesson. France and Germany are clearly leading the struggle to sort out the Eurozone's financial woes and everyone seemed to be toeing the Franco-G...
Read full storyOde's to Famous Dead People: Book 3
Seve Balleisteros: You've played your last eighteen. Strolled your last green. If there is a golf course in heaven. Will you use the number seven. By Arnold Mitercrump. Florida Osama Bin Laden: You ugly bearded bastard. Copt it from the Yanks. Did you hear the missile. Before it hit you on the head. By Col. Percy Pummel. Saffron Waldon Dom DeLuise: You mad...
Read full storyMonica Lewinsky States For The Record That She Has Never Met Herman Cain
YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK - Monica Lewinsky, one of the most famous White House interns in the history of White House interns, was vacationing with a girlfriend in California's Yosemite National Park when she was approached by an entertainment news repo...
Read full storyKris Humphries and Zooey Deschanel Hook Up After Mutual Break Up
Kim Kardashian's throw-away husband Kris Humphries, apparently didn't mind his separation and freedom having been recently linked to an almost divorced Zooey Deschanel, star of the Fox hit series "New Girl" and ex-partner to Death Cab for Cutie lead...
Read full storySpider-man To Be Remade Again In Wingdings
Targeting a Winter 2016 opening date, 20th Century Fox has announced preliminary plans to reproduce the Spider-man series in Wingdings font. The film will be independent of the 2002 version as well as the upcoming 2012 version with the guy who plays...
Read full story1% of the 99% Bored, Leaves, Forms Occupy Occupy Wall Street
Fox and Friends heartthrob Gretchen Carlson had it correct when she said, "Looks like the Occupy Wall Street days are numbered." Indeed, it seems Occupy Wall Street is facing some internal strife. In what looks like to be a game changer, 1% o...
Read full storyRoyal Navy Insists Britain's Seas Are Safe
The Royal Navy has scoffed at media accusations that recent defence cuts have left the Home Fleet depleted, to the point of leaving Britain without a single fighting vessel to protect its territorial waters. The First Sea Lord, Admiral of The Flee...
Read full storyThe Sparks Fly In The Christina Aguilera Vs. Kelly Osbourne Feud
LOS ANGELES - Kelly Osbourne has been hanging around Joan Rivers for too long. The little pixie haired daughter of Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne has really fired off some angry remarks at Christina Aguilera. Kelly recently told Vodka Vermicelli of iRum...
Read full storyLocal Man Abused Yet Again - This Time On A Monday!
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, has revealed that he was subjected to unwarranted abuse, yet again, but this time, unusually, it was on a Monday. The incident occurred as Shuttlecock was en-route to work on his bicycle, and as he stopped off at a cash...
Read full storyAn Interview with iPhone 4S Siri
My friend walked in with a spring in his step and a look of pure excitement. He was holding a new phone and told me he just got the new iPhone4S. "You can talk to it," my friend said. He lovingly told me her name was Siri. I asked my friend if I could interview Siri, and she granted me an exclusive. EJ: So, Siri. You're kind of like C-3PO aren't you? Siri: No. I am not fluent in ove...
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