Written by Buck E Filbert

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

image for Lindsay Lohan 5th Time Is A Charm
Lindsay's Still Sexy Though

Lindsay Lohan was sentienced to 30 days incarceration for breaking the rules of her probation. The original charges stemmed from an incoident where Lohan walked out of a Beverly Hills jewelry store wearing a neckless she neglected to pay for. Lohan claimed she was doing research for a new movie roll and t was all a big misunderstanding.

This is the 5th time Lindsay has been thrown in the clinker. Her record of late is a bit daunting to say the least.

In May 2010, Lohan did not appear for a scheduled DUI progress report hearing. The judge issued a bench warrant for Lohan's arrest, but rescinded the warrant after Lohan's representatives posted bail. Lohan's lawyer said her passport was stolen while she attended the Cannes Film Festival in France. At a rescheduled hearing on May 24, 2010 Lohan was ordered to attend weekly alcohol education classes, wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet, refrain from drinking alcohol, and undergo random weekly drug tests to remain free on bail. Lohan claimes it was all research for a new movie roll amd it was all a big misunderstanding.

At a July 6 probation revocation hearing, the judge determined that Lohan had violated the terms of her probation and sentenced her to 90 days in jail, starting July 20; in addition, the judge ordered Lohan to check into an inpatient rehab program for three months after her release from jail. On July 20, Lohan appeared in court and was taken into custody to begin her jail term. She was released on August 2 after serving 14 days of the sentence. The short term served was due to a policy of early release of non-violent offenders to reduce jail overcrowding. She was immediately taken to an inpatient rehabilitation facility where she was expected to stay another 90 days. However, on August 24 Lohan was released after only 23 days. Her lawyer stated that "the treating doctors at UCLA felt she had done everything required of her there."Lohan continued with mandatory outpatient therapy but was able to resume work. She was ordered to submit to random drug and alcohol screenings and attend psychotherapy and behavior therapy twice a week, as well as five 12-step sessions a week. The judge said that any failure to attend the sessions or to pass the drug tests could result in a 30-day jail sentence. A new hearing was scheduled for November 1, until which time Lohan was required to remain in Los Angeles. Lohan claimes it was just research for a new movie roll and it was all a big misunderstanding.

On September 24 Lohan's probation was revoked following a failed drug test. She spent part of the day in jail before being released on bail. A few days later she entered the Betty Ford Center, a drug and alcohol treatment center, where she remained on court order for three months until early January 2011. Lohan claimes it was just research for a new movie roll and it was all a big misunderstanding.

On February 9, 2011, Lohan was charged with the theft of a necklace reported stolen from a jewelry store in January. She was sentenced to 120 days in jail, 360 hours of community service at the Downtown Women's Center, and 120 hours at the L.A. County morgue for misdemeanor theft and probation violation, to which she pled no contest. Due to jail overcrowding, Lohan served the sentence under house arrest, wearing a tracking ankle monitor, for 35 days between May 26 and June 29. While under house arrest, Lohan failed a random alcohol test. A judge decided it did not constitute a probation violation and Lohan would receive no additional punishment. Lohan claimes it was just research for a new movie roll and it was all a big misunderstanding.

On October 19, 2011, Judge Stephanie Sautner revoked Lohan's probation, sent her to jail, and set bail at $100,000. Sautner told Lohan that if she wanted to avoid any further punishment, she must complete 16 hours of community service at the morgue before her next hearing. Lohan posted bail a short time later and was released. At a hearing on November 2 Lohan was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 400 hours of community service. If she fails to complete the community service she will receive another 270 days in jail. Lohan claimes it was just research for a new movie roll and it was all a big misunderstanding.

End result? The Sheriffs department is not incarcerating people with mistermeaner charges 90 days and under. Lindsay will be processed in and then be immediately processed out. Round trip 48 hrs of bench sitting floor riding funnnn!!! Lohan claimes it was just research for a new movie roll and it was all a big misunderstanding.

I want to thank wik for letting me shamefully rip them off for all this droll info.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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