Outstanding anti-wrinkle formula discovered hiding in British kitchens
It is present in most British kitchens either in ready to use format, pre-prepared format or totally DIY format. Regardless of how it starts off, it has been discovered that custard is the most effective anti-wrinkle formulation on the market. "Or...
Read full storyHorseradish Sauce comes under scrutiny
Horseradish sauce, the white sauce that is twenty percent vegetable and eighty percent concentrated sulphuric acid with a dash of chilli to cool down the acid. However, it has come under fire by the Naming Convention Society as the unpopular condimen...
Read full storyFatima Whitbread tipped to win willy waving contest
Fatima Whitbread is being tipped to win I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here by an Australian bookie. "The Aborigine is the only fair dinkum bloke left in the programme since the scouser Freddie Starr chucked a sickie", claimed Crocodile Ocker.
Read full storyBenetton are not homophobics, they just like "big men" kissing each other!
Benetton's latest shock advertising campaign has caused quite a stir amongst the most powerful men on the planet, it depicts them all having a snog with each other. President Obama is depicted as having a sloshy snog with his favourite PM, David C...
Read full storyMartin Johnson quits role as ambassador for managerial return of Sir Clive Woodward
Martin Johnson has effectively quit his post as full-time ambassador for the managerial return of Sir Clive Woodward after resigning from his position as manager of the England Rugby Union team. Johnson, who in 2008 began his sustained campaign fo...
Read full storyRebecca Brooks expecting 'alien' surrogate baby
London - The flame haired media hasbeen and her husband Charlie are to become parents in February after hiring a surrogate to gestate the sprog. Reports today said the embryo had been implanted in a secret fertility facility close to the Wiltshire...
Read full storyWant to occupy a city? There's an app for that
Occupy Wall Street, Occupy London, Occupy Berlin, the group coming to be known as Occupy [Insert Place Name Here] are springing up in cities faster than Manchester City fans who were at the Manchester derby. Finding a place to occupy that isn't al...
Read full storyRacism? Football? You're Having a Laugh!
At a press conference celebrating the impact of pay per view viewing on football Sepp Blatter sensationally claimed today that there was no such thing as racism in football and he had no idea what the "dark skinned races" were complaining about.
Read full story'Two sentient beings' aboard as China's unmanned Shenzhou 8 capsule returns to Earth
Gobi Desert - Two humanoid beings are reported to have returned in the 'unmanned' capsule following its successful docking with the mini spacelab Tiangong-1. Chinese Space Agency officials are denying their existence despite a flurry of internet...
Read full storyNo more pane for Ford
Car giants Ford are to replace glass windows in cars with cling film. They realize now that with all the traffic in the inner cities its not worth the expense of putting windows in. "We'll pass the savings on to the customer and it will enable us...
Read full storyMcLaren pit crew rushed to hospital
Neil Downs, from the McLaren pit crew was rushed to Sao Paulo hospital this weekend ahead of the next Grand Prix in Brazil following an horrific accident in the McLaren pit area. "Neil was using the pneumatic tire remover," said Pit boss, Tyrone M...
Read full story"Labia!? I TOLD you, I won't go there!" Cain yells at editorial board interview
Herman Cain attended an editorial board interview yesterday at the Milwaukee Journal. The interview was taped. It did not go well. One of the first questions from a board member was, "Mr. Cain, will you give us your views on Libya?" Cain expl...
Read full storyFacebook uses high-tech to solve porn spammer case: they read statuses
HARFOLD, Vt.--Facebook released a statement saying that they were able to identify the spammer who flooded Facebook's newsfeed with pornographic and disturbing images. Harfold resident Cyril Lewis is currently in custody at Harfold County Jail. Fa...
Read full storyBloomberg Cancels the Thanksgiving Day Parade
New York - Mayor Michael Bloomberg has called off the Thanksgiving Day Parade, charging that the event is a public health and safety hazard. Following a strategy he developed in evicting Occupy Wall Street from the financial district, Bloomberg th...
Read full storyNina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Seen At The Opening of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
VENICE BEACH - The two stars of the hit television series The Vampire Diaries, Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder were spotted standing in line at the opening of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 at The Big Kahuna Movie Theater Complex in Venice...
Read full story18 Indications that the UK Economy is Dodgy!
18. When you start getting less than 25 take-away leaflets through your door each day. 17. When the rioters torch police stations, without using petrol, just wood and old newspapers. 16. When William Hague cuts down his posh hotel room weekend rendezvous to with only one male assistant. 15. Shop assistants start to say please, and thank you. 14. Suicide is made legal, pills available @...
Read full storyThe Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1, Starring Rob Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner Opens To Record Breaking Crowds!
WEST HOLLYWOOD - The Gladiator 24 Movie Complex in West Hollywood had the latest Twilight Saga series film The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1, showing in 14 of the 24 theater auditorium screens. Theater manager Cumberland "Captain Popcorn"...
Read full storyTheresa May To Replace Freddie Starr In 'I'm A Celeb - Get Me Out Of Here!'
Just in - like a man with a button mushroom penis - the ent and goss rumour mill is insistent that Home Secretary, Theresa May, is to fly out to join Ant and Dec in the jungle as a hurried replacement for allergy challenged, short arsed, pot-bellied,...
Read full storyBuff Taylor Lautner Rips His Shirt Off 0.0 Seconds Into Breaking Dawn - Director Blames TSA Patdowns
Previews have revealed that buff hunk Taylor Lautner wastes no time in tearing his shirt off in the latest instalment of the Twilight franchise, Breaking Dawn, Part One. Revealing his superbly toned torso. The movie's director, Bill Condon, mad...
Read full storyThe Night We Almost Burned Grandma's Farm Down
Back in the day during the summer after my first two semesters of college, I came across a high school friend who was taking summer school college courses as was I. Why anyone would ever want to be associated with any college I went to was beyond me. He introduced me to the sport of racquet ball and after the second set of summer courses he invited me to go on his annual two week trip to Nor...
Read full storyTwilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 - Probably The Greatest Movie Ever Made
Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner must have been celebrating last night, as Twilight Breaking Dawn Part One was lauded by international media critics as 'probably the greatest movie ever made, and certainly the best story over told...
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