White House Purchased by Donald Trump
A sluggish economic recovery and stratospheric gasoline prices have impacted the lifestye of President Barrack Obama and his family. The presidential mansion was recently sold to billionaire Donald Trump for an undisclosed price. Trump and O...
Read full story$$$s & phone nos found sewn inside Bin Laden corset
Rawalpindi - The $500 note was found tucked inside a surgical support garment along with Pizza Hut and Spearmint Rhino phone numbers, Our Man in Kabulshit said today. The Victoria's Secret satin-lined truss had kept Old Binny's back upright for ne...
Read full storyIt's Trump v Sugar And The Gloves Are Off
Weetabix wig-wearing megalomaniac, Donald Trump, has upped the ante, thrown down the gauntlet, stepped up to the plate and 'called out' his UK counterpart, Lord Alan Sugar, in a no holds barred bitter war of words over just which version of global te...
Read full storyBin Laden Still Causing Terror From Beyond The Grave
Marine biologists have expressed deep concern over terror chief Osama Bin Laden being buried at sea. The body of the Al Qaeda leader was dumped in the Arabian Sea last week, after he was shot in the head by the A-Team. But since the burial, mem...
Read full storyCrack Whore-O-Scopes: Summer 2011
Just in time for Spring and Summer, the Astrological Star Society based in Jackson Hole, Wyoming has expanded its customized translations for the workforce by including specialized astrology readings for working class women and men in the Crack Whore profession. Starting in May, the A.S.S. will publish new insight gleaned from the stars to guide your personal and professional lives. The stars are...
Read full storyWhite House Releases Transcript of bin Laden's 911 Call
What did Osama bin Laden do when he heard the sound of helicopters? He called 911 of course. The White House has released a transcript of the terrorist's last call: Bin Laden Hello 9-1-1. I have an emergency to report. Someone is flying helicopters too close to my headquart... too close to my house. Operator That sounds like a noise complaint, sir. You need to hang up and call your local...
Read full storyMany Chicken Restaurants In America Close To Honor International Respect For Chicken Day
ONXARD, California - Eastley P. Dinwiddie, spokesperson for The Southern California Chicken Farmers Coalition has stated that many nationally well known chicken restaurants are closing in honor of International Respect For Chicken Day. The holiday...
Read full storySexuality and Biscuits?
For all you readers reading this, be prepared to be astounded by the fantastic truth of sexuality, that will answer all questions you or your confused siplings have on homosexuality, bisexuailty etc. The truth is sexuality, when thought about, is almost completely based on a biscuit table. You may be sceptic about this theory, but consider this. You approach the biscuit table, the main choices...
Read full storyMan with three buttocks denies having an advantage in Arse Kicking Competition
This year's district games were once again held at the Sir Oswald Mosely Memorial Playing Fields, and the fine weather helped to attract a record number of visitors. Alongside the staging of all of the traditional local sports, there was also more trade stalls and side-shows than ever before, including those of Mick's Spliffs, The Department of Health and Social Security, Legal Aid Solicitors,...
Read full story"Bin Laden killing was illegal" whine Guardian readers
A new protest group was formed today, called Guardian Readers Against the Bin Laden Assassination By Illegal Action (GRABLABIA). The group gathered in central London today and made some rather passionate if misguided speeches. They came bearing smug...
Read full storyWedding Of The Century Takes Terrible Toll On Royal Watchers
Sensational news that Royal Correspondents across all networks and all sections of the media are tonight saying that they've "Had enough" in the wake of the Royal Wedding. Sir Findlay Fotheringay- Phipps, Convener and Shop Steward for the National As...
Read full story"The Special One" begs Sir Alex, "can I be your assistant even without pay!"
José Mourinho has cocked it up at Real Madrid and even their ex- Presidenti, Ramon Calderon, has diplomatically told him to leave, José promptly told him to f++k off, after all he is the "Special One!" After last nights boot out of the "Chumpions...
Read full storyIn Honor of National Star Wars Day Lucasfilm Releases "Star Wars Holiday Special" Blu Ray Special Edition
A few weeks ago in a galaxy far, far, away a marketing genius inside the Lucas camp realized that "May the 4th" sounds very similar to "may the force" and so in 2011 International Star Wars Day was born. To celebrate this momentous occasion Lucasfil...
Read full storyOsama spent retirement tending his skunk crop
Abbottabad - The medicinal marijuana licence was personally issued by the High Province Governor to help Old Bin Bag deal with a congenital deficiency. "Yep, Old Binnie - as we called him round here - was a typical stoner," Tory Bora resident Oma...
Read full storyObama Creates Department of Home Quote Security to Restore Confidence of Facebook Users
The viral distribution of a fabricated quote, falsely attributed to the late Dr. Martin Luther King, has led to the establishment of a new federal agency. Starting next month, the Department Of Home Quote Security will screen every newsfeed entry...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Bubblegum Trading Cards Taken Off Of The Market
CHICAGO - The leader in the bubblegum trading card industry has decided that it will honor the request of its thousands of card buying customers and fans and remove all Osama Bin Laden Bubblegum Trading Cards from their store displays. A spokesper...
Read full storyYou'll never be King of anything President Obama tells Charles
Washington - A CIA briefing has laid bare the fetid fucts - er...facts!: Charles is General Pinochet's son and owes the US taxman billions of dollars in unpaid war crime fines. Still hyperventilating at Bin Laden's death the Pretender slithered i...
Read full storyBin Laden Death Pictures Released As Conspiracy Theories Mount
The US Government are under increasing pressure to publish the rumoured photographs of recently killed Al-Qaeda kingpin Osama Bin Laden, as suspicions grow over the true nature of his death. Molly Bridgend, 57, a local landlady, told us "we want e...
Read full storyOsama Burial Spotted on Google Earth
Osama bin Laden's burial at sea is believed, by many, to be an attempt by the US government to deny his followers a shrine. Allowing his body to sink to the bottom of the ocean at an unknown location would allow his remains to be left undiscovere...
Read full storyNavy SEAL receives counselling following death of Osama bin Laden
US military insiders have today given indications that the Navy SEAL officer, responsible for the death of Osama bin Laden at the weekend, had actually been working undercover at the safe-house in Abbottabad, Pakistan, for some months beforehand.
Read full storyO'Reilly's fish and chip shop in Bridlington claim Osama Bin Laden alive and well
The proprietor of O'Reilly's, Bridlington's premier fish and chip takeaway, who strangely enough is called Mr O'Reilly, claims that famous Saudi prince of darkness and bomb-making equipment, Osama Bin Laden, is not in fact dead, but has been spirited...
Read full storyGaddafi Calls Obama: "Hey Bro, Want to Catch a Nationals Game?"
The news services are reporting today that Muammar Gaddafi called President Obama yesterday in the wake of the killing of Osama Bin Laden. The White House staff was skeptical at first but when it was confirmed, they put the call through to the President. He switched on his speaker phone speaker phone so his staff could listen. First reports state that the conversation was as follows: Obama:...
Read full storyRonaldo Better Than Messi - So Says Mourinho
Despite his side going out of the Champions League semi final at the hands of a Lionel Messi inspired Barelona side, Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho declared his temperamental forward Christiano Ronaldo to be "the complete 21st century player and s...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo Magnanimous In Defeat
Following Real Madrid's elimination from the Champions League at the hands of bitter rivals Barcelona, following a 0-2 in the Bernabeu and a 1-1 second leg at the Nou Camp, Real's Cristiano Ronaldo left sports reporters purring in a post match press...
Read full storyShocked Hillary Clinton's Comment that Bin Laden 'Now in Hog Heaven' Puts Arkansas On Mid East Pilgrimage Route!
Feigning shock, horror, and a distaste for violence, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton reacted after watching, in real time, the military attack which finally took out world terrorist Osama bin Laden by uttering "he's in Hog Heaven Now' as his body...
Read full storyGovernment Orchestra to be formed
The HRH Government Fiddleharmonic Orchestra The idea was put forward and accepted, at a meeting of David Cameron, William Hague, Kenneth Clarke and other drunken members of the government at the Crooked Member Inn last month. After much bitching, foot-stamping, and wailing, it was decided the formation of the orchestra would be as follows. Conducted by: David Cameron Lecturn supported...
Read full storyUnknown Herbert sends his thought on MPs to Parliament!
The fifth secretary to the secretary of the secretary of David Cameron's third secretary, has disclosed the contents of a communication received this month from a proletriat voter in Nottingham. There will be a collection for payment in the near future. Here is the critical ode that was sent. Our beloved crooked MP's, got elected using lies, nepotism, and audacity, Along with astucity,...
Read full storyPsychologists discover goals are vaginas and soccer is sex
Top Psychologist Doctor Simon Kich has finally completed a twelve year study into the appeal of Soccer (football to the English), and has come to the conclusion that it is all about sex. "The way I see it," said Kich, "this is a battle between dom...
Read full storyAnimal rights dog spokesman "Rusty Obama" expresses disgust at canine suicide bombing
Spokesman for the US Animal Rights Team, Rusty B. Obama, the black American Pit Bull Terrier and canine leader at Wooftown's Whitehouse Pound, has expressed his utter dismay at the loss of several of the inmates in a revenge suicide bombing attack at...
Read full storyExpelled Pupils Allowed Back To Class
Teaching union representatives are furious that pupils expelled for carrying weapons, using a drugs and attacking teachers are being allowed back into the classroom. Figures reveal that almost 500 pupils barred from lessons for serious incidents i...
Read full storyNational Trust Needs Virtual Food Producers
The National Trust wants to persuade 10,000 consumers to become "virtual farmers." The organisation wants them to run a 1,200-acre site via the internet in a bid to teach families more about where their food comes from. It has turned over Wimpo...
Read full storyO Sama O Bama
On Monday, 2 June 2008 under 'A Prize for Being Touched', Spoof, I wrote on Osama, rhyme it with Obama. Now that, willy-nilly, Osama is technically dead, and the sponsors might accept the advice that 'enough is enough' the world surely requires another big 'Breaking the News', of course, after the big Kiss on the Balcony' and Osama. However, many questions still linger about and authorities wil...
Read full storyObama to play Osama in movie
Steven Spielberg has offered President Obama the role of Osama Bin Laden in a movie to be shot later this year. President Obama has accepted Spielberg's offer, and, as we have learned, the White House has already started to reschedule the presiden...
Read full storyPakistan Department Stores Report That They Have Run Out of Osama Bin Laden Bobblehead Dolls
KARACHI, Pakistan - A spokesperson for Hasbeen Toys, manufacturers of The Osama Bin Laden Bobblehead Doll have said that they have completely sold out of the Al-Qaeda leader dolls. Tando Diggy Kanjikot, a spokesperson for the largest retail chain...
Read full storyAndy Murray Hails Return To Form
Tennis world Number 4 Andy Murray has hailed his continued return to form with the news that he's received a bye in the first round of the Madrid Open this week. Last month's lighter than expected defeat at the hands of Rafael Nadal in the Monte C...
Read full storyPakistan Admits Bin Laden Mistakes
The ISI, Pakistan's main intelligence agency, has admitted major failings in allowing Osama Bin Laden to stay in a multi million pound compound in a leafy suburb of scenic Abbottabad. An ISI source confessed that the agency had visited the three s...
Read full storyScientific Study V - Does the sun shine on a dog's ass some days? (American cliche;Even the sun shines on a dogs ass some days.)
A recent study completed by an expert panel on climate changes and global warming has concluded that the number of days the sun shines on a dog's ass declining every year. It is projected that by the year 2014 a dog's ass will feel the heat from...
Read full storyFormer Playboy Playmate Kendra Wilkinson's Beautiful Booty Sent Dancing Home On 'Dancing With The Stars'
HOLLYWOOD - The sensuously erotic woman who called herself just a plain old tomboy at heart was the sixth contestant to be sent home on this years edition of Dancing With The Stars. Kendra Wilkinson, 25, a former Playboy playmate literally danced...
Read full storyObama to target John Wilkes Booth
Washington D.C. - Intelligence sources have indicated, through covert contacts, Obama will send a team to capture or kill John Wilkes Booth. Recent videos have surfaced on the internet that show a man who appears to be Booth ranting about the Federa...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden's Video Recorder Placed On eBay
ABBOTTABAD, Pakistan - The owner of the multi-million dollar compound where Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden was gunned down has taken Bin Laden's infamous video recorder and placed it on eBay. Multanna Rawalpindi, 51, owner of the compound said th...
Read full storyStar Jones Calls NeNe Leaks An Animal and Leaks Responds By Saying That The First Chance She Gets She Biting "Da Bitch"
LOS ANGELES - Celebrity Apprentice contestant Star Jones talks a mean game when fellow contestant and teammate NeNe Leaks isn't around. Jones recently confided to The Tinsel Town Times Tribune that Leaks, who appears in the reality show The Real H...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden's Estate To Hold Yard Sale
Pakistan - Relatives at Osama Bin Laden's compound in Abbottabad,were busy setting up tables outside the compounds walls to have a large yard sale. Already on display were several of his favorite rifles, military shirts, pants and shoes, but then the...
Read full storyPresident Obama orders SEAL team attack!
Washington D.C. - It was revealed today that President Obama ordered a raid on a terrorist compound this afternoon. Three helicopters were launched filled with 70 commandos, 25 members of an elite SEAL team, and a plethora of high-tech equipment. Th...
Read full storyFast 5 Dominates at Box Office; Vin Diesel Still Crying Over The Rock Stealing His Career
The entertainment world was shocked this weekend as the film "Fast 5" dominated the box office raking in $86.2 million in it's debut weekend and taking the number one spot by a landslide. The opening was the largest in Universal Pictures history...
Read full storyTexas to Secede from the United States…Maybe
Austin - The protests around Texas have become quite intense lately as the Separationists continue their propaganda and protests demanding Texas secede from the Union. In recent months, it has become quite clear that Governor Rick Perry of Tex...
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