Fast 5 Dominates at Box Office; Vin Diesel Still Crying Over The Rock Stealing His Career

Funny story written by Ryan Inverso

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

image for Fast 5 Dominates at Box Office; Vin Diesel Still Crying Over The Rock Stealing His Career
Vin Diesel

The entertainment world was shocked this weekend as the film "Fast 5" dominated the box office raking in $86.2 million in it's debut weekend and taking the number one spot by a landslide.

The opening was the largest in Universal Pictures history; a whopping $15 million in front of the previous leader "The Lost World".

The film stars acting juggernauts and long time rivals Vin Diesel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

We recently caught up with Vin Diesel in his 2 bedroom shack in LA to get his reaction to the movie's success.

"Well the flick made a ton of dough and broke records, you would think I would be happy about that wouldn't you? Well everyone keeps saying the only reason this movie is so much more successful than the previous "Fast" films is The Rock. It's always The Rock, The Rock, The Rock. I am so f%#king sick of The Rock. You know that SOB stole every role I was up for since XXX. I was stuck doing crappy sequels ever since. "Walking Tall" should have been me, "The Rundown", "The Tooth Fairy", I could have acted circles around him in that one. He's a wrestler, I'm a bone fide actor, a thespian if you will. I WAS IN SAVING PRIVATE RYAN DAMMIT, DOESN'T ANYONE REMEMBER THAT??"

We also found The Rock, outside a Philadelphia area movie theater, buying up all of the tickets for all of the showings of "Fast 5" that day. When asked for a rebuttal he had this to say:

"Finally, The Rock has come Philadelphia! So Vin Diesel thinks I stole his career? Well you bet your ass I did. There is only room in Hollywood for two bald musclebound actors and Micheal Chiklis is one of them, The Rock is the other. Do you like Pancakes Son? It doesn't matter if you like pancakes, because The Rock is going to lay the smackdown on that jabroni's candy ass. If you Smell-l-l-l-l-l-l-low.....what The"

The Rock then walked backwards to his car mouthing non-words and pointing at me for no reason.

In a totally random and unsolicited quote on the whole rivalry, Philadelphia morning radio show host Preston Elliot had this to say "Jabroni, cool word"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more