Christine Bleakely auditions for the role of 'The Joker' in new Batman movie
Joker faced, poker faced TV personality Christine Bleakely has auditioned to play 'The Joker' in the new Batman film entitled 'Confessions of a Superhero.' The movie sees the caped crusader taking a Robin Askwith style approach to crime fighting...
Read full storyFOX News Is Alleging That Al-Qaeda Is Behind The Union Strike In Wisconsin
NEW YORK CITY - A spokesperson for the "Fair and Balanced" network known as FOX has stated that according to two supermarket tabloids Just Saying and Say What? his network feels that Al-Qaeda could possibly be behind the Wisconsin teachers union stri...
Read full storyCould feminism molest Britain's swans?
Here at the Mail, we ask the questions that nobody wants answered. Today we look at a problem that some scientists say, may or may not exist - Could Feminism be molesting Britain's Swans? Feminists - When they are not busy bringing about the destruction of the family unit or turning the male population into eunuchs, they are now turning their malicious harridan claws on Britain's much cherishe...
Read full storyEveryone Wants To Know About Ke$ha's Awfully Horrible Looking Upper Thigh Bruises
PERTH, Australia - The punk rocker known as Ke$ha, with the dollar $ign, performed in Perth and literally rocked the house. She ended up singing her big hit "Tik Tok" a total of six times as the Australian audience kept insisting that they wanted to hear it. Ke$ha dressed in a pair of fishnet stockings, halter top, wash-away tattoos, and no shoes, which has become her signature concert outf...
Read full storyNick Clegg Fails to Start a Mexican Wave in Parliament
It's not a good time to be a Lib-Dem at the moment. The humiliating bi-election defeat, and the embarrassing reversal on tuition fees, have all served to weaken the party's position in the polls. As if this wasn't bad enough, further humiliation was...
Read full storyPrince William has invited Charlie Sheen to his Bachelor Night
Charlie Sheen sent an invitation to Charlie Sheen to invite himself to Prince William's Bachelor Party. When Charlie was asked by one of our 'shaplier' Spoof Writers, if he would be attending the 'party' he answered, "Dark Blue with white strip...
Read full storyArsenal Keeper Szczesny Replaced Mid Game Through Injury
Arsenal goal keeper, and officially world's most difficult name to spell, Wojciech Szczesny was substituted mid way through the first half of their crucial Champion's League game with Barcelona. The keeper saved a shot on goal from the Spanish att...
Read full storyLos Angeles Laker Ron Artest and "Coffee Bob" To Film A Commercial For Starbucks
SAN ANTONIO - Los Angeles Lakers forward Ron Artest looked like a runaway freight train as he slammed into two fans sitting in the front row of San Antonio's ATT Center during the recent Los Angeles Lakers vs. San Antonio Spurs game. One of the fa...
Read full storyDanny Jones McFlying solo
McFly Hearthrob Danny jones has stunned their fans by announcing plans to start a solo career. Danny, the popular cute Northern one who sings a bit in most songs and plays guitar is the one most Mums like from the band. He said at the Opening Of A...
Read full storyPete Doherty In Bavarian Burglary Shambles
Mad Rocker Pete Doherty has been arrested after breaking into a record shop in the Bavarian town of Regensburg in Germany. The former Libertines & Babyshambles frontman was caught stealing a bundle of records and also a guitar. An eye-witness...
Read full storyBritish Scientists Warn Of Using GPS To Find Erogenous Zone
Britain's Royal Academy of Engineering warned of the danger of using GPS based satelite navigation systems to find one's own or partner's erogenous zone. "Society is becoming dangerously over reliant on GPS systems to navigate uncharted areas r...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Hires Make-Up Artist to Give him "Crazy" Look
Many folks these days are calling Charlie Sheen crazy and with good cause. But there are a few folks keeping an eye on Sheen. Some say he's crazy alright, crazy like a fox. The latest conspiracy theory out there is that all the nutty things Sheen...
Read full storyFascinating. . .Nests
Never let boredom destroy your FASCINATION. Let us go on a journey to a world where nests are incredibly FASCINATING. . . FASCINATING Nest related facts . . We usually associate nests with birds, but prehistoric birds probably buried their eggs in the sand, as some lizards and turtles do today. Then again, we know fuck all about the olden days so its probably just a load of bollox g...
Read full storyObama Lowers National Speed Limit to 45 MPH, Adds Speed Bumps to Freeways
In an effort to make Americans conserve gasoline in this latest oil crisis, President Barack Obama has signed an emergency bill lowering the national speed limit a full 10 miles per hour, from 55 to 45. In addition, the President is asking the Depart...
Read full storyGhost of Che Guevara Appears at Wisconsin Protest Site
Protesters in Madison, Wisconsin are reporting numerous sightings of Che Guevara, the Latin American hero who fought, during his entire adult life, against economic inequities both in his home country of Argentina and abroad. One protester carryin...
Read full storyPolice ready for Protest
Police Forces throughout the country are preparing for Protest. But this time they will be the ones protesting! Tactics being discussed are 'temporary blindness' being suffered by the Police who fail to see demonstrators entering the Bank of Engla...
Read full storyPlymouth Argyle Green Kit Blamed For Woes
Latest football casualties, League One side Plymouth Argyle, have issued a statement saying that their current financial situation has come about as a direct result of their weird green kit. A spokesman for the club, which has played in green sinc...
Read full storySarah Palin Furious Over The Remarks That Kathy Griffin Made About Her Chubby, Quasi-Cute Daughter Bristol "The Pistol" Palin
WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Louise Palin, the former governor of Alaska who resigned after the citizens of "The Iceberg State" took the time from their busy routines of hunting, fishing, and shoveling snow, to elect her governor is fuming at the mouth.
Read full storyMacclesfield Town Fine Players, Manager And Fans After Brawl
League Two outfit, Macclesfield Town, have fined every player, their manager, assistant manager and all fans who attended the fixture against Wycombe Wanderers on February 26, after an injury-time brawl which resulted in much laughter. Town chairm...
Read full storyForeign Secretary's Reputation Restored
William Hague addressed the commons yesterday in a bid to restore any semblance of his true character with the public. The Foreign Secretary was over-joyed that he could admit culpability for sanctioning the botched Special Forces mission in Libya.
Read full storyCongressman Peter King to Investigate Radicalization of Jews, Brownie Scouts,& MADD!
Congressman Peter King of NY announced today that he will start hearings to investigate the radicalization of Jews, Brownie Scouts, and members of MADD, Mothers against Drunk Driving. "It's not a pretty picture," said King. "But first of all, let me say that some of my best friends are Jews and I know there are some fine Brownie Scouts out there and no doubt many MADD members that are perfectly...
Read full storyBarry Manilow's Nose Creates Gridlock Havoc In New York
Musician Barry Manilow, famous for such hits as 'Copacabana' and other stuff, was being held responsible for causing huge tailbacks in downtown Brooklyn yesterday. The star, who was appearing in Las Vegas at the time, was being honoured by his hom...
Read full storyStuart Downing should have read the small print
Stuart Downing really should have taken a bit of time away from kicking the ball around, to read the small print on contracts etc. he was signing, pushed under his nose by his greedy, money-grabbing agent. Let this be a lesson to us all. Don't trust anyone but yourself and even then, be careful. Downing's agent is going on trial for siphoning thousands of pounds over the years from Downing'...
Read full storyTwo Romans Make a Write
The history of writing the spoken word is a scientific discipline all to itself. It is widely agreed that the Egyptians and Chinese writing systems arose together through trade, and gave rise to two independent systems. The Phoenicians carried Egypti...
Read full storyMr Sheen to sue
Mr Sheen, well known for "shining umpteen things clean" is taking actor Charlie Sheen to court. The professional cleaner, often seen sporting a handlebar moustache, leather flying jacket, flowing scarf (get on with it!) and pilot's cap is said to...
Read full storyQueen orders No-Fly Zone around Prince Andrew's trouser zippers
London - The Duke of York has had to cancel a 'Big Bang: UK Young Scientists Fair' trip this Friday over 'unfortunate connotations'. The Max Mosley-lookalike freeloader has been told he'll have to keep those adolf-esecent Big Bang theories to hims...
Read full storyIsle of Wight Citizens given Diplomatic Immunity
Following a debate that ran into the early hours of this morning, the Isle of Wight Council has narrowly voted in favour of granting all residents of the Island diplomatic immunity. The surprise move comes after a recent report by the Association of...
Read full storyTen Commandments have at last been updated
The town of Devil's Advocate in Cornwall was the venue for the log-awaited re-launch of the Ten Commandments. At the press reception held in the Heaven and Hell Bar to make the announcement, the Permanent Secretary of CUC (Commandments Updating Committee), Mr G. Odd, set out the government's timetable for the proposed changeover in all houses of worship throughout the land. Launching the upd...
Read full story"Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime!", the legacy of the 'Noolabour Society'.
London, England: During the run up to the 1997 elections and after the few tedious years of Grey man John Major, many citizens of the United Kingdom were in a vulnerable enough state to want change in their Country. bLIAR looked fresh and somewha...
Read full storyBrian Cox warns against Bieber appearing in Twilight franchise
Fans of pop music and vampire fantasy films are to be disappointed today, as rumours of Justin Bieber appearing in the Twilight saga are announced to be untrue. Catherine Hardwicke, speaking at a press conference today, told journalists that "Jus...
Read full storyFirst Annual BNP Movie Awards, Mel Gibson Wins Big
In a night of massive drama at the first annual British National Party movie awards, Mel Gibson scooped several awards including Best Actor, Best Director and Best Adapted Screenplay. Gibson, 55, made a rare public appearance and collected all of...
Read full storyKerry Katona Ready To Date - Male Population In Hiding!
The streets of major population centres were strangely empty of men today following the latest news from the Kerry Katona kamp. Writing in a her column in national celebrity/gossip magazine, OK!, the perpetual self-publicist announced that she was...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen is My Favorite Martian
CBS announced today that they've cast Charlie Sheen in a remake of the popular television series My Favorite Martian. Sources inside the network say they've been quietly negotiating the deal with Sheen's lawyers for the past several days, but didn't...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Mocks Warner Bros.; Makes Goddesses Wear Pink Slips
It was official Monday, Charlie Sheen no longer works for Warner Bros. The entertainment giant canned Sheen referencing his continuing erratic behavior and outspoken rants as the reason. Not one to take things lying down, unless of course it's wit...
Read full storyInside The Egyptian Torture Chamber
Egyptian patriots have recently broken through the cemented entrance of the Mubarak Secret Police Torture Chamber. Besides a collection of thumb screws, racks, and Iron Maidens other items were discovered that would make even the Sphinx cringe: * A Silvio Berlusconi sex video * A 455-pound man making love to a 365-pound woman * Susan Boyle at 6AM * Taylor Swift singing the Nati...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Explains Why She Is Moving From 'Hard Core Porn Movies' To 'Soft Core Porn Movies'
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Pamela Anderson who has appeared in Playboy Magazine more than any other woman recently sat down with Left Coast Mirror Magazine's Tequila Tallyho and cleared up some things she felt needed clearing up. Pam pointed out that she was born in Canada and not in Laos like so many supermarket tabloids have erroneously reported. She also wanted to set the record straight by saying...
Read full storyGay Man Honks His Horn And Scares Children
An overtly gay motorist was in trouble with police last week after driving repeatedly past a school in Manchester, and frightening children by indiscriminately sounding his car horn in their vicinity. Larry Sabu, 20, even after his birthday, incur...
Read full storyGeorge Michael Thanks Karma For Jail Time
Rock superstar George Michael says it was Lord Justice Emmanuel Karma who sent him to prison last year after he crashed his car while under the influence of drugs. The ex Wham star spent 8 weeks in Pentonville Prison in 2010 for his second drug-dr...
Read full storyPrince Andrew Resignation Confirmed
Prince Andrew has bowed to mounting pressure and resigned from his post as the U.K's Special Representative for International Trade and Investment. The decision had looked increasingly inevitable over the last few days after it emerged that the Pr...
Read full storyBerlusconi Has Face Surgery
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has undergone a triple operation in Milan's Raffaele Hospital and is convalescing for the next few days at his holiday home in the Istrian mountains. The under fire Premier, who's currently facing a number...
Read full storyUN Sends Envoy To Glasgow
A summit between Rangers chief executive Martin Bain and Celtic's Peter Lawwell was held today at Hampden Par but the meeting ,chaired by the SFA, descended into chaos after Bain threw a packet of crisps at Lawwell, claiming they were "you lot's stap...
Read full storyHague Received Backing From Gaddafi
Foreign Secretary William Hague, already under fire after the botched diplomatic mission to Libya, is facing increased pressure to resign after it emerged that he received backing from Colonel Gaddafi only 2 weeks before civil unrest hit the oil rich...
Read full storyCBS Finally Fires Charlie Sheen - The Star of "Two and A Half Men" Kisses $1.8 Million Per Show Bye-Bye
HOLLYWOOD - Saying that they are finished playing 'Day Care Center' the top brass at the CBS Network have just informed Charlie Sheen, the star of the number one rated sit-com on television Two and A Half Men that his services are no longer needed.
Read full storyAstrologer Charts Optimum Time and Date for Royal Couple to Wed
Famous international astrologer, Morning Starshine claims that she recently created a love chart for Kate Middleton and Prince William to determine just how successful their marriage will be if they marry as planned on Friday, April 29, 2011. Acc...
Read full storyTop Ten Reasons Why I Do Not Celebrate St. Patrick's Day
Cutest profile picture writer and goofiest avatar writer at present signing on for duty. Top Ten Reasons Why I Do Not Celebrate St. Patrick's Day 10. I hate green beer 9. I don't believe in leprauchans 8. I don't NEED an excuse for a party 7. I'm English 8. No-one where I work is Irish 6. Most of my colleagues have English roots but don't even KNOW that St.
Read full storyPope Benedict to bless Stephen Ireland's fish tank on Papal visit
Pope Benedict XVI may be granted the opportunity to undertake an official visit to Stephen Ireland as early as 2012 according to sources in Rome. The Vatican has made no announcement about a trip to Stephen Ireland, but Ireland officials have indi...
Read full storyIrish People - "Unreliable, Too Stroppy And Generally Bastards" Says Hampshire HR Manager
"You never know where you stand with them," HR Manager Leslie Behan told Skoob News. "They're just bastards who screw you uphill and down dale when you can't keep up with their whimsical meanderings." Wondering what had prompted such a racist outburst, Skoob News sent cub reporter Dermot O'Malley to investigate. Following a lengthy conversation with Ms Behan, who isn't even Irish, O'Malley conc...
Read full storyGoogle Denies Its New Algorithim Sucks
LAX - In a rare show of pique, Google executives today came out in force to deny their new algorithm sucks big wads. "All we are after is quality, we are sorry if the rest of the world doesn't agree with our definition, but that is just to f-ing...
Read full storySecret Of Kate Middleton's Royal Wedding Shoes Revealed
Kate Middleton, next in line to be Queen of Hearts, has been causing quite a stir of late with talk of her proposed marriage to Prince William. Rumours abound as to who is designing parts of her planned wedding attire. And fans and pundits alike,...
Read full story'Too disruptive' Fergie and Andy denied exile in Libya
Royal shock machines Sorry, Doshless of York, and Andrew, Duke of Hopeless, are set to be exiled as soon as an unsuitable country can be found to accept them. But apparently even the worst places on earth have their limits. Given her fondness f...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News: Business As Usual At Snoods Galore! Despite International Snood Ban
Ryde niche boutique Snoods Galore! has gone from strength to strength since opening last Summer, writes Fashion, War, Dominoes, Pargeting, Philately, Music, Medicine, Agriculture and Medieval Torture Correspondent, Len D'Meaneer. Island entreprene...
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