Everyone Wants To Know About Ke$ha's Awfully Horrible Looking Upper Thigh Bruises

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

image for Everyone Wants To Know About Ke$ha's Awfully Horrible Looking Upper Thigh Bruises
This is a photo of a kangaroo that hopped up on stage as Ke$ha was performing in Perth, Australia.

PERTH, Australia - The punk rocker known as Ke$ha, with the dollar $ign, performed in Perth and literally rocked the house.

She ended up singing her big hit "Tik Tok" a total of six times as the Australian audience kept insisting that they wanted to hear it.

Ke$ha dressed in a pair of fishnet stockings, halter top, wash-away tattoos, and no shoes, which has become her signature concert outfit, pranced and danced on stage for three hours and five minutes.

A reporter for Cowbell Notes Magazine, Chipper Caruso asked her backstage about her addiction to blue M&M's and the horribly awful looking bruises on her upper thighs.

Ke$ha said that she will be seeking therapy regarding the fact that she consumes about 17 packets of blue M&M's daily.

She then looked down and said that she had forgotten all about the bruises. When Caruso asked where she got them she paused for a moment and said that three weeks ago her and Boo Boo Stewart caught a Los Angeles Lakers game and afterwards they drove to a Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos in Montecito Heights.

Ke$ha who is known as "The Queen of Glitter" said that eating as she was getting back into her friend Boo Boo Stewart's Lamborghini she lost her balance after slipping on an empty Corona Light Beer can.

She said that she dropped her purse, which was filled with about nine packets of blue M&M's, a box of Joan of Arc Condoms, and her tambourine and that she vaguely remembers falling against a Harley-Davidson motorcycle and banging up both of her thighs pretty bad.

Caruso told her that he remembers reading about that in The Tinsel Town Times Tribune but he quickly added that, that incident had taken place around Valentine's day, which was three weeks ago.

Ke$ha looked at him and asked, "Meaning what Chipster?"

And Caruso remarked that those bruises should have been long gone by now.

Ke$ha became extremely upset and asked Caruso if he was Dr. Caruso now.

She told him that the female members of her family have a history of having bruises remain on their thighs for as long as two months.

She then told Caruso that she had heard rumors that John Mayer had put the bruises there after he became tremendously upset with her when she had told him that he was not really that good of a singer and that Bristol "The Pistol" Palin who does not sing worth a tinker's damn could probably carry a tune better than him.

And so the mystery of the awfully horrible bruises on the upper thighs of Ke$ha still remains.

Cowbell Notes Magazine will stay on top of the story and bring you any new bruises as they develop.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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