Irish farmer announces "Robot Chicken"
Continuing the pioneering work of legendary turkey farmer extraordinaire Bernard Matthews, Irish chicken breeder Patrick O'Feckit has come up with an ingenious scheme which may answer the ever-increasing demand for chicken. For many years he has...
Read full storySir Alan Signs Cereal Deal
Super Businessman and inventor of TV's 'The Apprentice' Sir Alan has teamed up with those loveable rascals Jedward to launch a new cereal to get Britain's kids eating healthily. Twins Noel and Keith Jedward were only too keen to make even more mon...
Read full storyEmoticons become English
The Oxford English dictionary has made the remarkable step of allowing some so-called emoticons into the dictionary complete with full definitions. Emoticons are the punctuation marks that display emotional responses, such as the traditional smile...
Read full storyLocal Man Puts Out Bins On Wrong Night - Wife Complains
Local man, Terry Gorman, of Sandwich Street, Norwich, has admitted to accidentally putting the bins out on the wrong day. Terry explains: "Our bins are usually put out on a Wednesday night, for collection on a Thursday morning, but for some reason...
Read full storyAstronauts Receive Wake Up Call From James T Kirk
The astronauts of the Space Station Discovery received a wake up call from James T Kirk and the recorded music from Star Trek which was beamed to their ship before entering Earth's atmosphere. The theme music of Star Trek was chosen by a poll held...
Read full storySpooferheroes: Lanitus Salvator
I still have to study. I called my friend, Lady Godiva. Apparently, she was in hospital. "Don't worry," she said over the phone. "You'll do fine in your French writing exam!" When I asked her why she thought so, she then replied. "I can read the minds of people and their thoughts of the future! I know the examiner will give your work an 'A'!" I was shocked. How did... what the...? "I hav...
Read full storyDonald Trump Offers To Buy The White House For $27 Million - And Then Rent It To The United States Government For One Dollar Per Month
NEW YORK CITY - Donald "Moneybags" Trump, one of the richest persons in America, next to Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Oprah Winfrey, and Charlie "Showless" Sheen recently spoke with retired CNN talk show host Larry King about ways to help the United S...
Read full storySuBo fanatics set to break world record!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies look set to break a world record, after presenting a quilt they had made to SuBo over the weekend. The quilt, so large it covers four ZIP codes, has the names of several million fanatics machine-stit...
Read full storyBurnley MP's pedal power message
BURNLEY MP Gordon Birtwistle took advantage of a photo opportunity and used pedal power to support an energy saving campaign. He is backing "Earth Hour", when people across the world will switch off their lights on March 26 between 8.30pm and 9.3...
Read full storyPresident Barack Obama Has Decided To Send The Entire National Guard Units of Arizona, Wisconsin, and Alaska To Libya (Hmmm)
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - President Barack "NCAA" Obama has instructed Vice-President Joe Biden to call up the commanders of the Arizona, Wisconsin, and Alaska National Guards and inform them that their National Guard units are to report to Tripoli, L...
Read full storyWhy Gaddhafi Should Be Made The President Of The United States
With all the problems we have in the U.S. today, it is truly astounding that a simple answer to them exists already and no one has thought of it. Simply make Muammar Gaddhafi the President of the U.S.! The logic of this escapes you? Let me enlighten you- Why Gaddhafi should be made President of the U.S.: There would be less money wasted on campaigning and voting- all the other political...
Read full storyTots R Us planning to produce and sell miniature Royal Wedding Dresses
Tots R Us are planning to produce and sell many thousands of Kate Middleton's wedding dress, in miniature sizes, as soon as it is SEEN in public. The idea is to market them as Christening Gowns. Even parents interviewed, who were not planning on having their children christened, are beginning to change their minds just so that they can dress up their little ones as mini-Kates. The world will...
Read full storyWoman Gets Shit Kicked Out of Her By Cows
A woman from a shady valley somewhere in Devon got seven shades of shit kicked out of her after mistakenly parading around in 18th Century frilly clothes. Miss Dorothy Danube, a foxy lady who hides beneath an outward spinster librarian appearance,...
Read full storyNevada Chicken Ranch Offers Charlie Sheen Lifetime Membership
Charlie Sheen is so popular these days that everyone is crawling over each other to associate themselves with him, and the Chicken Ranch in Nevada is no exception. This past weekend, Sheen received a gold-lettered invitation to become a lifetime m...
Read full storyThe Reason Derek Hough and Julianne Hough Are Not Participating In This Year's "Dancing With The Stars"
HOLLYWOOD - The twelfth season of Dancing With The Stars has kicked off and all the front line regulars are back. Tom "The Quick Wit" Bergeron is back as is his co-host Brooke "You All Know I'm Sexy" Burke. And sitting at the judges table are...
Read full storyLady Gaga going bald and losing her pubes too!
Lady Gaga has admitted; "I'm going bald" and in desperation has asked Elton John the name of his hair designer and how much it costs to have a woven mop just like his. The reason for Lady Gaga announcing this fact is a slight dichotomy of the trut...
Read full storyBBC angers atheist fanatics!
Following on from yesterdays expose which showed that the BBC, generously funded by the public, is manically anti-religion, it seems that good old auntie beeb has upset the very people they were pandering to, the atheists. Atheists do not believe...
Read full storyOil Industry Aplauds Fukushima Dai-ichi
In the midst of Japan's worst tragedy of modern times, the oil industry will release a statement and several ad spots in an attempt to throw the focus of oils spills off, hoping to relieve tensions amid higher gas prices. The ad campaign, "At lea...
Read full storyMichaele Salahi Snorts Heroin to Get Back on Celebrity Rehab
Michaele Salahi was recently kicked off the reality show Celebrity Rehab due to the fact that she couldn't produce a discernable addiction. Now, her husband Tareq has threatened to sue if they don't take her back. The Salahis claim that Michaele...
Read full storyGlobal economy "in the red"
Governments around the world were in shock today when it was announced that the global economy - made up of the imports and exports of all countries on Earth - actually made a loss this year. Despite some individual countries such as China having...
Read full story'Plot to assassinate Colonel Gaddafi' vindicated says cock-a-hoop ex-MI5 spook
London - The disgraced former renegade spy has said his 1999 claims were bang on the money as UN forces pounded the Libyan capital this weekend. "I was prescient, ahead of my time," the former intelligence officer told reporters, "where's my godda...
Read full storyI Love People…and The Little Things They Say…However…
I love people, I love meeting people, I love talking to people and I love listening to people, I love hearing about the absurdities that make up all our lives. I love the colourful tapestry of a good story rather then the dullness of the truth. However, from time to time there are things people say that really put me off. Here are a few "I'm very honest; I'll always tell you what I'm thinking"...
Read full storyBoss Grab Marketing Opportunity Offered By Libyan Freedom Fighter
Fashion house, Victor Boss, has been handed a gift-wrapped marketing opportunity by Libyan freedom fighters. Pictures in newspapers around world yesterday showed a group of triumphant rebels celebrating the capture of a government forces tank.
Read full storyMoyles Marathon Broadcast Shambles
Chris Moyles, the self-proclaimed 'smelly fat bloke of Radio 1', broke the record for the amount of time broadcasting a Radio 1 show along with his sidekick "Comedy" Dave Vitty. The prankish pair broadcast for 52 hours, smashing the previous rec...
Read full storySpielberg & Lucas Team Up for Star Wars VII
Putting more than five years of rumors and speculation to rest, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg announced yesterday that production of the seventh part of the Star Wars series had already begun filming at a secret location in the Swiss Alps. Tenta...
Read full storyCRB Check now required to rent videos
Not content with requiring three different bills with an address, a passport, driving licence, birth certificate, marriage certificate, a letter from your mum and a valid credit card, the big two video rental agencies are now going to require a Crimi...
Read full storyWaking The Dead Fans Fear Direction Change
Fans of BBC's Waking The Dead are ready to complain in their thousands if proposed changes to the cold case drama go ahead. The popular show - each episode now showing over Sunday and Monday evenings - was thought to be in its last series. But it...
Read full storyElderly Man Gives Birth To Gerbil Twins in Hernia Operation!
An elderly man in Louisburg, NC gave birth on Friday to gerbil twins in what was thought to be a routine double hernia operation! Due to the the prominence of the patient involved, the local hospital refused to release the name of the patient. A...
Read full storyColonel G'Daffy Duck 'just a harmless cartoon character'
Benghazi-by-the-Kazi - Cold War intelligence files released today describe the Mad Colonel as modelled on a 'screwball' cartoon character from the 1930s. "We've been examining the original G'Daffy Duck profile," an MI6 analyst said today, "profili...
Read full storyBorn-again Christian? Don't take the piss mate cos it ain't funny...
First of all, before I even start to write this piece, I want to make it clear that this is not so much a "spoof" piece as a personal and very heartfelt condemnation of a household name. Everything in this piece is written as a tribute of a sort to a fine musician who battled alcoholism and later throat cancer and who died only last Friday at the age of 71. Bass player Jet Harris was a founder...
Read full story"You Tube" Parody Song "Winning" Is A Hit For Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen fans can see a re-mix of his sound-bites set to a catchy hip hop beat on "You Tube" which has become an overnight sensation. In the spoof song the sound-bites of Sheen are set to the hip-hop tune "Winning" and clips of his interview...
Read full storyThatcher Worried Over "Wasted Year"
Personal papers and notes from the 1980's reveal that the then Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher regarded 1980 as a "wasted year". Briefing notes passed between Thatcher and her personal advisors show that, contrary to the public persona, the new P...
Read full storySenna and Button Discuss Rivalry
Senna - "O.K. I'll go first. I think I'm the best because I can be used by landscape gardeners in ornamental gardens and can survive in most climates". Button - "Now my turn. Not only am I used to keep disparate articles of clothing together, but I can also be put on bags, hats and wallets as a form of decoration". Senna - "I can also be u...
Read full storyBeatles Weekend In Raploch
Raploch, Stirling is hosting its first ever Beatles Weekend in September 2011, when tribute bands from all over Europe will be descending on the troubled estate for 2 days of nostalgia. To celebrate the occasion, local group The Buckfast Five are releasing their own takes on Fab Four classics. Tracklisting is - I Want To Hold Your Jacket Please Mr Postman (Geez Ma Giro) Can...
Read full storyOlympics and Eastenders Link
The Royal Mail has revealed that the Olympic Park has been given the same postcode as the BBC soap opera Eastenders. The Olympic Park, which many see as the main focal point of London 2012, will provide a massive green space full of riverside gard...
Read full storyScots Tory Conference - "A Great Success"
Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie has described as this year's conference in Perth as "the best one yet". A beaming Goldie addressed the press outside the Dewars Centre immediately after the 2011 Conference had drawn to a close: This year's conference has been a resounding success. Only 10% of our older delegates had to be given artificial resuscitation this year, which represents a 50%...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens Says Her "Tramp Stamp" Tattoo With The Initials "K.S." Is Not Permanent
SANTA ANA, California - The star of the Twilight series was in Santa Ana, home of the dreaded Santa Ana Winds, visiting her former high school geography teacher Mr. Humboldt Puckerfield, 72. As soon as she stepped outside of Mr. Puckerfield's double-wide trailer she was met by a reporter for Bedroom Pillow Talk Summersetter Faxx. Vanessa was asked about the rumor that she had gone down to Ve...
Read full storyLeAnn Rimes Reveals The "Shocking" Secret To Her Brand New Skinny-As-Hell Look
NASHVILLE - LeAnn Rimes was in town to receive the prestigious Holly F. Dipplequist Honorary Award which is presented annually to the country music female singer who has weathered the most gossip and rumors in the past year. Rimes was asked by Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine about her recent tremendous weight loss. She simply smiled. Grilletta Brewburger, with YKYM, asked her again about the fact th...
Read full storyPresident Obama Links His Rio Trip, "March Madness," and The St. Patrick's Day White House Barbecue Picnic To More Jobs
WASHINGTON - President Obama has responded to the venomous assaults leveled at him by GOPicky Magazine. The president informed GOPM's Amos Soursuckle, 59, that he did not appreciate him pointing out all that BS about him and his family flying down to Rio De Janeiro, Brazil to get away from the heat that he has been receiving for filling out an NCAA "March Madness" Tournament bracket card. Pr...
Read full storyBristol "The Pistol" Palin Is Reportedly Jealous of Former "Dancing With The Stars" Dance Partner Mark Ballas' New Dance Partner Chelsea Kane
MARICOPA, Arizona - Todd and Sarah Palin's little girl, 20-year-old Bristol Palin is reportedly not a happy camper these days. Bristol "The Pistol" who finished in third place in last years edition of Dancing With The Stars reportedly told Tittle...
Read full storySpoof Writer Cuts Stratospheric Internet Hit - 'I Need A Dump'
Spoof writer, Reddon, AKA Skoob was celebrating this morning as the postman turned up with a wheelbarrow full of cash following the idiot's surprise internet megasmash hit - 'I Need A Dump.' As he rolled around on the hearthrug throwing fistfuls of cash about the sitting room, Reddon was heard to shout: "Ohhh yessss! GET IN!" It transpires that Reddon, AKA Skoob, AKA Martin Shuttlecock, i...
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