An elderly man in Louisburg, NC gave birth on Friday to gerbil twins in what was thought to be a routine double hernia operation! Due to the the prominence of the patient involved, the local hospital refused to release the name of the patient.
A hospital technician leaked the story to Raleigh News & Observer, the wire services picked up the story, and it quickly became a national headline, eclipsing the troubles in Libya and the national economy. Was it a miracle or a hoax?
It seems the patient is a pastor of a local church and a leading advocate for the Right to Life movement. Although his name has not been officially released, it is widely known that he is the Reverend T. J. McCorkle
When the media tracked him down at his home, he and Mrs. McCorkle admitted that he was the parent of the newborns. Mrs. McCorkle stated:
"I knew something was wrong. Our daughter asked us to gerbil sit for her one night when she was out on the town and we were happy to take care of the little fellow. Well" she hesitated, "My T. J. is the victim of date rape!
"On the eventful night, T.J. was having more than a little of his hard cider he makes in the barn, and we was going to bed. He said he would check on the little tike and I went to sleep. Later when I woke up he was asleep and mumbling, 'I loves you…I loves you. Well, he aint never said nothing romantic like that in our forty years of marriage. The best he ever done was to say, 'Top or bottom?' I should have known right then!"
As the journalists prepared to leave the McCorkle residence, a reporter from Hard Times magazine turned to the Reverend McCorkle and asked, "Are you intending to breast feed?"
According to other journalists at the scene, the Reverend McCorkle hit the man with an axe handle and unleashed his pit bull.
In related news, the McCorkle's say they are planning to enter the twins (Richard & Gere) in the fourth grade of the local grammar school in the fall.