Fuel Price Rises Blamed On Rooney And Giggs Hair Transplants
Britain's leading energy suppliers have warned consumers to expect steep price increases from August this year, possibly by as much as 19% The energy providers have attributed the rises to Wayne Rooney's hair transplant, a situation being further exa...
Read full storyBritish tourist board issue a warning to travellers to Europe
The British tourist board have finally issued a warning to all holiday makers heading for Europe in the next few weeks, especially those thinking of journeying to the Rhine Valley, a tour of the war memorials or a city break to a broken city. "Bas...
Read full storyWoolly Jumpers to be Deployed in New Battle Against the Evil Gas Barons of Scotland
Evil gas Barons in Scotland have just enraged the wrong person with their 20% gas price hike. That person is the multi-billion pound Woolly Jumper Philanthropist Donald McDonald. Donald was so enraged by the news that Gas prices are to rise for...
Read full storyGovernor Jan Brewer Is Blaming The Arizona Wildfires On Space Aliens
PHOENIX - The governor of Arizona was asked by the news media if she as governor is doing everything within her power to try and contain the massive wildfires that have already destroyed over 250,000 acres of land. The governor, who lately has bee...
Read full storyBritish "racist" stuffs ham sandwiches in Muslims shoes then he got "pork chopped!"
A drunken British racist (not proven), Jamie Whitepower (named changed for legal reasons), was dared by his drinking mates to go and anger Muslims praying in a mosque down the road. Jamie, a bit of a lad and not particularly happy with Muslims pra...
Read full storyMan Utd Face Major Fan Revolt
Premiership title holders are facing a major crisis as the club starts preparing for the new season. In the wake of the allegations about Ryan Giggs' personal life, thousands of disillusioned middle age women are threatening to dump the club after...
Read full storyJohn Terry Happy With Hughes or Hiddink
John Terry has told a press conference that he would be quite happy if either Guus Hiddink or Mark Hughes replaced Carlo Ancelotti as the Blues boss after the latter was released prematurely from his Stamford Bridge contract. " Guus Hiddink, Mark...
Read full storyWeiner Doctor Who Did Circumcision Still Proud Of His Weiner Work After Seeing Pictures
Dr. Isadore Blumenthal, the pediatric weiner whopper who circumcised young Anthony's weiner when he was just an infant, still recalls the mandatory operation that is a rite of passage for all Jewish boys. "Never in my wildest dream did I ever t...
Read full storyNew website to ensure sweat shop workers efforts don't go to waste
A new website is being launched to ensure the many thousands of sweat shop workers whose efforts in subsidising the profits of multi-national corporations around the globe, are not wasted in a blither of fake goods. The website, called Brand-i, a...
Read full storyBristol hippies protest against Tesco
A group calling themselves the People's Republic of Stokes Croft are continuing to protest against the opening of a Tesco's shop in Bristol. The group are named after the totalitarian regime which seized power in China in the 1950s, and the Bristol g...
Read full storyInvestigation of Deadly Virus Now Focuses on White House Victory Garden after Obama's European Jaunt!
Shortly after the Obamas' European tour where the first lady bestowed presents of her home grown vegetables on the French, the Germans and the British, an outbreak of a deadly E-Coli virus spread rapidly through the continent leading investigators to...
Read full storyWhat's In My Urine Is Between Me And My Porcelain God
A lot of people are upset over the recently passed law in Florida to drug test welfare recipients. The law requires applicants for welfare to pass a drug screening before they can start receiving benefits. The law caused an uproar amongst ACLU memb...
Read full storyQueen's 'Royal Wave' to be phased out
The Queen's famous royal wave is to be phased out. The announcement from Buckingham Palace by royal spokesman Sir Henry Brunzeln yesterday follows reports that the eighty-five year old Queen had found the chore particularly tiring when attending las...
Read full storyAliens Land on Earth - to save 'at-risk' species
It can now be revealed - that Aliens have indeed landed on earth on the 7th June 2011, at Little Crumpet Village, in Nottinghamshire, UK. The aliens, friendly in nature, declared their intention of saving earth species at risk of extermination. Al...
Read full storyBavarian Illuminati blamed as E.Coli mutant traced to Plutonium-210 lab
Munich - The secret society's Germ(an) warfare wing has been caught cooking up a lethal new recipe to deal with Euroseptics (sick). Traces of the homegrown genetically modified Eco Lie bacteria have been sourced to a new batch of Plutonium-210, co...
Read full storyCarlos Tevez calls Coronation Street shit
Carlos Tevez can never set foot in Manchester again. Reports are coming in that the Argentinian has appeared on a TV chat show in Buenos Aires and has called Coronation Street "mierda". He claims the bacon sarnies in Roy's Rolls are "mierda" t...
Read full storyPremier League Club Seeks To Obtain Restraining Order on Rafa Benitez
Aston Villa have taken court action against Rafa Benitez following a series of desperate attempts by the former Liverpool boss to find a new job. Rafa, who still lives in the UK, has been unemployed since being sacked by Inter Milan in December.
Read full storyLily Allen 'Confused' Says Semiotics Expert
New outbursts by former singer Lily Allen have prompted fears for her sanity. The Smile singer famously declared that she was shunning the limelight, ooh, ages ago. But since then she has maintained a strong media presence by Tweeting or allowing...
Read full storyDesperate to get Money out of the Off Shore Drilling Craze": Land locked Belarus builds its Own Sea
The president of landlocked, Belarus, whose name is spelled with some fucking really weird characters that you will never see on a PS2 Playstation… well, that is if you are not shooting the fuck out those weird things with some really fucking weird n...
Read full storyEasy Does it
Man, in order to foretell or control the future, uses many tools and ways: talismans, sorcery, astrology, numerology, palmistry, astrolabe, beads, sneezing… Palmistry, dating back to the time of Aristotle, (384-322 B.C.E.), is still practiced to foretell the future. For instance: "Well, sir", said Colonel Hllandate, "first I have to give you a background. The key to Sarkhan-and several...
Read full storyAnother Wronged Woman Hits Out At Ryan Giggs
Shamed Man Utd player Ryan Giggs is facing more criticism in the media after his second cousin's wife Rhondda Evans told a tabloid that she had been forced to undertake intensive counselling after realising that she was one of the few female relation...
Read full storyNew York Hot Dog Unveiled; 'The Anthony Smothered in Underwear'
In an insane craze to take advantage of the tweet of Anthony Weiner's snake trying to free himself from the bulge so it can indulge; a slew of New York City's finest café's and sidewalk venders are cashing in on the incident. While there have been...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Dropped By X-Factor, Dumped By Derek Hough, Divulges She'll Now Be Managed By will.i.am
LOS ANGELES - Cheryl Cole has been through quite a bit the past year. She was cheated on by her husband Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole. And she finally ended up divorcing the 'what was he thinking' womanizer. She then fell into the arms of her BFF...
Read full storyWhiny Weiner Now Blames Wife Huma for Lack of Hummers and Public Penile Problems!
In his latest twitter defense, confessed liar, closet wanker, and Democrat Congressman Anthony 'the schemer' Weiner is now blaming his 'personal sexual problems' on his wife of less than a year, Huma, who he now hints wasn't into giving him "hummers!...
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