'Who were you?' tops TV ratings war
Ant and Dec's return to the public eye, 'Who were you?' is a ratings smash, and is now the most popular programme in ITV's entire history. In the epoch changing show, people who have been famous come in, and members of the audience have to guess w...
Read full storySunday Driver Oversleeps
Delbert Gilbert O'Sullivan, a Sunday Driver from Muck on the Water, near London has revealed that his weekly drive in his Austen Allegro G reg had to be put on hold this week, as he over slept for four hours. 'It is not normally like me' said Mr G...
Read full storySteven Spielberg reveals that ET never phones him these days
Bearded multi-millionaire and film maker Steven Spielberg has revealed that it has been years since his former work colleague ET phoned him. 'I made him a star' said the bewildered man of a thousand visions 'and he never phones. Other people who I...
Read full storyNews Corporation to buy the insides of Cereal Boxes
Beleaguered News monopoly News Corporation has revealed that following the recent business based closure of News of the World it is too start buying the insides of cereal boxes. Speaking from his nuclear bunker, Mr Burns, sorry, Rupert Murdoch sa...
Read full storyMy Dinner Guest top tips by David Cameron
Well, Hello there. I am David Cameron. Some of you may have voted for me. It is a mystery. Like Chris De Burgh. You know people have done something to make him popular, but you never meet anyone who will publicly admit it. I have been asked to give you my opinion on whom to invite to your house for a dinner party, whilst avoiding any trace of hypocrisy of wrongdoing. Still, just between y...
Read full storyMy Family's Canned Laughter Machine sold off
Following its unlamented ending, sitcom favourite My Family will see its canned laughter machine sold off. The machine, seen as one of the hardest working canned laughter machines working today, has recently been employed on Miranda and In with t...
Read full storyLevels of Bile at all time high, due to closure of NOTW
Scientists have revealed that levels of bile and vitriol are at an all time high in this country, since the closure of the News of the World. According to his most recent research, Professor Heinz Fifty-Seven we are a generally a more unpleasant...
Read full storyThe Pie Toss At Rupert Murdoch's Face Was Not Staged
The outrageous rumor, suggesting that the pie toss event during Mr. Murdoch's testimony was staged, is completely false. True, a pie filled with shaving cream was tossed, but it was not planned, or executed to promote sympathy for Murdoch and to cut...
Read full storyGirls Aloud decide not to release a new album
Forgotten Popular girl group Girls Aloud have decided not to release a new album, which is good news for people who had forgotten that every single member used to be a singer. HMV spokesman Dave told us: 'Oh, that is a great pity. I was really l...
Read full story'Torchwood' revealed to be a typo
New details leaked from a Cardiff production studio have revealed that 'Torchwood' the popular Science Fiction programme, the spin of from Dr Who, with elements of Byker Grove should have had a different name and characters, but for a production assi...
Read full storyRadio White Noise is not a great hit with the listening public
Latest figures show that brand new radio station 'White Noise' is proving very unpopular with its intended demographic audience. The station, which broadcasts nothing but white noise, and the occasional burst of experimental German techno is aime...
Read full storyThe New Game Show "It's Worth What?" Misses The Mark
HOLLYWOOD - It was touted as a cross between The Price Is Right and Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, but in reality It's Worth What? is more like a cross between Lets Make A Deal and The Addams Family. The shows host is Cedric The Entertainer but ac...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Sues All Dark Haired Actresses with Ample Fannies
Following an announced lawsuit against Old Navy retail stores for featuring an actress with long dark hair and "ample" features that looks a bit like her, Kim Kardashian is now claiming that any advertiser using images of dark haired women with a pro...
Read full storyWindy Wendi Blows Jonnie Marbles Away
Shortly after winning a-one round knock-out over British top pranked contender Jonnie "I lost My" Marbles-, the pride of Shan dong, China, Wendi "the oriental gold-digger" Deng has signed a lucrative contract to fight the welterweight world champion...
Read full storyNorth Dakota Has Its Statehood Voided Due To Historic Errror- Canada Seizes It.
A recent disturbing discovery by a North Dakotan historian has revealed a disturbing fact about one of the least popular states in the union- the fact that it is not a state. John Rolczynski has discovered that the governor and the state deputies at...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent: The Piano-Playing Singer Daniel Joseph Baker Brings The House Down
HOLLYWOOD - It was certainly a night full of surprises on America's Got Talent as the second group of 12 acts proved to be as different as Donald Trump and Howie Mandel's hairdos. The judges and studio audiences favorite was definitely the piano p...
Read full storyDonald Trump's Daughter Ivanka Gives Birth To a Baby Girl - President Obama Says He Wants To See The Birth Certificate
NEW YORK CITY - Donald Trump is the proud grandfather of a baby girl that his daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner have named Arabella Rose, after the official Republican flower of Sarah Palin's Tea Bag Party. Little Arabella Rose Kushner...
Read full storyDoctor Who Fans Horrified by Glitzy New Torchwood
Dr Who fans have been left traumatized by the new Torchwood format. They say Torchwood's script writers have been corrupted by big cash and they are terrified the same thing will happen to Dr Who. The new series of Torchwood hit the air last Th...
Read full storyBeckhams Named Baby Harper After Future Star Trek Character
David and Victoria Beckham have revealed that they named their baby after a character from a Star Trek film that hasn't even been made yet. The character will be played by Tom Cruise, and the Beckham's got to hear about the name while they were a...
Read full storyMiserable (Not To Be Confused With Stephen King's 'Misery') Part 2
My first morning of being nursed by a raving lunatic. Blodwyn brought me breakfast in bed - not that I had the option of getting up. I had great difficulty moving my lips, let alone my legs. "Here you are Bach. I've brought yew yewer breakfast is nit," she cheerfully chirruped. She thrust a plate at me. I was in no position to refuse her 'hospitality.' "What is it?" I asked. I could...
Read full storyMurdoch testimony Colonel Klink redux. "I see nossing, I hear nossing, I say nossing!"
The world was riveted to their television sets yesterday to the testimony of James and Rupert Murdoch. Many were comparing it to the character Colonel Klink on the series, Hogan's Heroes. A reporter from The Guardian said in a faux German accent, "It...
Read full storyYao Ming Retires from the NBA, Launches a Big & Freakishly Tall Clothing Store
Yao Ming, the seven foot, six inch center for the Houston Rockets, announced his retirement from the NBA in Shanghai China yesterday, in addition to hawking the grand opening of his new big & tall clothing stores across the US and Europe. Whil...
Read full storyHacks suspected Queen knew 'Kate was already married'
London - A video published on the Royal YouBoob! channel shows the Queen 'giving away' grand-daughter Kate in a 2000 Hellfire Club Chapel wedding ceremony. The groom's full-face ID is a bit obscure 'but looks awfully similar' to one of David Camer...
Read full storyNational Hemp Foundation to Reveal Memory Loss Statistics but Misplaces Report
Bertrum Wallins from the National Hemp Foundation was scheduled for a 9:00AM press conference yesterday in Washington D.C., but cancelled the event at the last minute. Insiders at the NHF say that Wallins had lost the actual report. Apparently una...
Read full storyCanada Fears Cap & Trade Law Won't Work for a Nation That Doesn't Wear Hats
Inexperienced beat reporters from the Canada Press who were assigned to learn more about the U.S. Carbon Emission "Cap and Trade" law, had been authoring a series of feature stories about how the laws wouldn't work, if the bulk of Canadian residents...
Read full storyJersey Shore Stars Featured in Italy but Ignored by Italians
Hoping to capitalize on the modest U.S. success of the cable TV reality series, Jersey Shore, producers send the new series trailer along with a few of its stars to Italy in order to hype the next season. Their arrival was met with unexpected si...
Read full storySandra Bullock Says She Loves George Clooney's Sense of Humor, Clooney Says He Loves Bullock's Lips
SAN TROPEZ, France - George Clooney and Sandra Bullock have long been long time friends and that friendship now seems to be blossoming nicely into something seductively stronger. Sandra recently rushed to George's side after he ended his two year...
Read full storyBritain's Minister of Austerity Sacked!
Sir Peregrine Partridge-Greenwelly, who was made Britain's first ever Minister of Austerity just a few days ago has now been sensationally sacked by Prime Minister David Cameron after he was was summoned to number 10 last night to explain to the Prim...
Read full storyLocal Man Invades Poland
Henry Moston of Didsbury near Manchester has proved his teachers right by invading Poland. And it's not the first time he has done something like this. "He were told at school," said long suffering wife, Janice Moston, "that those who don't know h...
Read full storyNews Of The World phone hacker hacks mother-in-law to death
News Of The World reader Ted Snivel has hacked his mother-in-law to death in Bognor Regis. Mr Snivel, who boasted to neighbours that he worked for M15, claims to have been under massive stress after years of undercover surveillance work. Pol...
Read full storyBishops Stortford adjust to life in the North
Bishops Stortford, the Conference North's most southerly team are slowly adjusting to life being classed as 'Northern'. "There's been a few changes," said Bishops's chief executive, Mannie Handled. "For a start, the proposed sale of land adjacent...
Read full storyNewts - Food of the future
Biologists at Yeadon University Cloning Facility's Technology of Replication (YUCFacToR) have developed a solution to the world's protein shortage. Newts. "Newts are great," said Professor Emma Ritus who headed up the team. "You chop a leg off,...
Read full storyMarbles meets Murdoch with a custard pie
Rupert Murdoch escaped intense scrutiny from the Select Committee after being hit in the face by a custard pie thrown by 'artist' Johnny Marbles. All was not as it seemed, however. Under fairly light police interrogation, Marbles cracked. "W...
Read full storyBlackburn Rovers Postpone Trip To India Because Of Filthy State Of Country
Premier League Blackburn Rovers have postponed their pre-season friendly in India, claiming that the country is "too dirty". Rovers, owned by Indian poultry firm Venky's, were due to appear in Pune and become the first Premier League team to play...
Read full storyFORE! Elin Nordegren Tees off On New Boy Toy After Finding Out He Did Rachel TOO!
Reports are coming out of Orlando, Florida that Tiger Wood's former wife, Swedish Sex Siren Elin Nordegren, 36, is once again part of a threesome, and not on the links at Arnold Palmer's Bay Hill's prestige course! Soon after tabloids reported th...
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