Written by Ben Macnair

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

image for My Dinner Guest top tips by David Cameron
And then I said to the producer.....

Well, Hello there. I am David Cameron. Some of you may have voted for me.

It is a mystery. Like Chris De Burgh. You know people have done something to make him popular, but you never meet anyone who will publicly admit it.

I have been asked to give you my opinion on whom to invite to your house for a dinner party, whilst avoiding any trace of hypocrisy of wrongdoing. Still, just between you and me, asking me for advice on this is like asking Cliff Richard to give his opinion on what is happening in clubs these days.

My advice is:

1) Always ask your friends. You have to like the people you ask to your house.
2) Always ask people who you think may get along.
3) Never invite anyone who might bring your reputation into disrepute.
4) Have a decent butler. I always ask Boris Johnson. He is so accommodating of my ways.
5) Never let anyone see the guest list, especially people who work in the media.
6) Don't invite Hugh Grant. Good bloke and everything, but a bit of a buzz kill.
7) Always see if you can have it at someone else's house.
8) If you lead a Political party, invite rich people who will be willing to contribute to the cause.
9) Have a good time, and always make sure it is finished by 11.00pm.We all lead busy lives you know.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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