St Swithin's Day crop circle appears at Stonehenge
Wiltshire - As the crumbling Murdoch Empire teeters on collapse a 200ft barley field etching opposite Stonehenge warns of more disaster on Friday's full moon. The magnificent Capricorn lunation appears on the latest crop circle, thought by many t...
Read full storyRoyal Undies Rifled During Funeral
London, UK: Following weeks of shocking revelations regarding phone hacking and illegal payments to police officers, it has now emerged that a News of the World "journalist" broke into Buckingham Palace during the Queen Mother's funeral in 2002, and...
Read full storyDavid Cameron's "My Chums At Eton"
Here is an extract from David Cameron's book "My Chums At Eton", which describes his time at the famous public school. "What ho! It's me, your chum and Prime Minister. I've removed my top hat, loosened my braces, and asked my butler to leave me in peace for a while so I can get down to writing a spiffing whizz-bang story about all the japes I got up to in my schooldays. I bet you can't wait to...
Read full storyMystery Blonde eludes being photographed once more
John Smith, of Scarborough, England, had not quite finished his dessert in the revolving restaurant atop the Skylon Tower, overlooking the Horseshoe Falls at Niagara Falls, Canada, when he saw the Mystery Blonde stand to leave her table. He quickl...
Read full storySome Behind The Scenes Tidbits From "Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2:"
NEW YORK CITY - Daniel Radcliffe, the star of the Harry Potter series recently had lunch at The Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Restaurant in Queens where he spoke with a reporter from The Right Coast Illustrated Revue. Radcliffe first met Wasabi Ash...
Read full storyObama Mother-In-Law Accuses President: "He Be Stealin My Sosha Shurtee Check"
Inside The White House: President Obama's mother-in-law lived her entire life in Chicago, so when she was invited to move into the White House she was somewhat apprehensive. Try it for a few months, her son-in-law suggested. Mrs. Robinson has giv...
Read full storyYankees' Jeter to skip regular season games as well
The Bronx - Coming off his successful snubbing of Major League Baseball's All-Star Game, Yankees' shortstop Derek Jeter has announced he will not show up for anymore regular-season games this year. "The All-Star game gave me a chance to test o...
Read full storySaudi Arabia bans Flying Spaghetti Monster
Followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, also known as Pastafarians, are no longer welcome in Saudi Arabia after a new law was passed banning them. It is not known how many people in the deeply religious kingdom worship the noodly deity, but th...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent: The Little Alaskan Songstress Anna Graceman Moves On To The Semi-Finals
HOLLYWOOD - Only Nick Cannon, the host of America's Got Talent and who is married to the stunningly sexy Mariah Carey could get away with wearing a fancy pink suit. Even Cedric the Entertainer who was in the audience told him that he looked like h...
Read full storyWhitey Bulger's Gal Pal Claims he was a Compassionate Lover But Cheated at Scrabble!
During the 2nd day of her hearing to obtain bail, Catherine Grieg, the blonde dental hygienist who helped Killer Gang Leader Whitey Bulger escape capture for 16 years detailed her life on the run while also tearfully pleading that Whitey was 'misunde...
Read full storyObama, "Republican Caddy Not My Friend Anymore "
Washington--President Obama ended his three year friendship with his Republican caddy Eric Mussel today. "I was okay with Mr. Mussel questioning my choice of a nine iron instead of a seven iron on a long approach shot. But, when Mr. Mussel said t...
Read full storyMI6 cryptographer Gareth Williams' sim cards may hold mobile hacking clues
London - Sim cards found in the dead code-breaker's flat are to be scanned for signs of hacking a spooks' source claimed today. Neatly laid-out on a sideboard 'in a pentagonal pattern' their discovery at the cryptographer's flat caused widespread...
Read full storyObama Slams Brits Again: Ties Mushy Peas to Distasteful Debt Ceiling Debate!
If sending Churchill's bust back to England wasn't enough of an insult, President Obama continued his back handed slaps to the Island Realm by tying the country's signature dish of 'Mushy Peas' into his frustration at Congress's unwillingness to agr...
Read full storyMystery Blonde as elusive as ever in Niagara Falls, Canada
John Smith, of Scarborough, England, had not quite finished his dessert in the revolving restaurant atop the Skylon Tower, overlooking the Horseshoe Falls at Niagara Falls, Canada, when he saw the Mystery Blonde stand to leave her table. He had, e...
Read full storyMurdoch Spying on Spoof Writers
London-Rupert Murdoch admitted that he is spying on Spoof writers because he fears their journalist integrity is killing his bottom line. "I was disappointed when I discovered that most Spoof writers are so boring that my voyeuristic fantasies co...
Read full storyDaybreak Boss Quits Under TV Repair Man Pressure
Shadowy vigilante organisation, TV Repair Man, claimed a major victory today as it was announced that another high-profile production boss is to quit. Ian Rumsey has been editor of ITV's troubled Daybreak for less than a year. The announcement tha...
Read full storyBrian Little to take over Macedonian International Squad
After searching high and low for a good manager to take over the managing of the Macedonian International squad, the Macedonian FA are rumoured to have gone for Brian Little instead. "I can't help but feel this shows a complete lack of ambition by...
Read full storyLincolnshire vodka factory blast blamed on global warming
Boston - Genetically modified high-octane potatoes 'mutated by global warming emissions' were being blamed for the illicit still blast today. Firemen fought throughout the night as a 50,000-gallon distilling vat erupted close to Boston town centre...
Read full storyEric Cantor: "I am NOT a *Pissant!"
Congressman Eric Cantor called a press conference this morning, looked angrily at the assembled journalists and shouted, "I am NOT a Pissant!" As the journalists looked at each other in surprise and bewilderment, Cantor continued, "AND, I am not...
Read full storyEnglish Channel earthquake 'sees passengers bouncing in their Eurostar seats' - report
South Coast - Passengers likened the 8am tremor to 'Mile High Club fallout on steroids' as an earthquake struck the English Channel today. "It turned my skinny latte into a foaming frappé-cino," Eurotunnel traveller Mrs Doris Lump said. "The t...
Read full storyQPR star Adel Taarabt wanted by Paris St Germain and AC Milan
Paris St Germain are determined to lure Moroccan footballing genius Adel Taarabt away from QPR. After splashing the cash on French starlets Nicholas Douche and Pierre Putain, the French club PSG see the unpredictable Taarabt as the final piece in...
Read full storyMPs - What the Letters represent
We spoke with the author of this list, Inchcock Chambers, who only had time to tell us that he'd 'Tried to use only old/rare words for the letter definitions, and keep them applicable to MPs - he had to go home them, because they lock the cemetery gates early on a Thursday. M Mancation: (Maiming, Mutilating of hopes) E Exsibilation: (Collective hisses of disaproval M Modernicide: Killer of mo...
Read full storyA Guide to What you need to become a Politician!
Thanks to Mr H Ogwash, for giving his permission for us use his article 'What you need to become an MP!', originally published in the 'Upper Denture Gazette' last May. Created and written while under the influence of anaesthetics and medications, in a haze of half conciousness and nurses adjusting his dressings, it was his first effort after having Cardiac surgery. He was to have had brain surg...
Read full storyComments on the Coalition - in rhyme
The latest submission to the Upper Denture Gazette Ode competition, by Inchcock, presented for your perusal. Beloweth you will find an ode written, About the Coalition, with whom I'm not smitten, Found on the back of the Beano, handwritten, In the hope that someone will listen! The Coalition was formed, and austerity they did enforce, It didn't stop the MPs from going to Ascot racecour...
Read full storySecurity Guard required for work in the Nottingham area
Security Guard required for work in the Nottingham area Must be able to speak, and understand some English Have own transport (Bicycle Or bus pass) Be aged between 18 to 96 (Other ages considered) Ex-taxi drivers welcome It would be advantageous, if the applicant has the ability to be surly, sneer, spit, swear, and senticous (Prickly-thorny) Be prepared to work up to 110 hours a...
Read full story"What's it MATTer, SCOTT of the Guardian!" Hah! Hah! Hah!
TALKSPORT TOWERS, London: Review of the papers by "What's it MATTer, SCOTT of the Guardian!" Hah! Hah! Hah!, Thursday, 14th July 2011. MATT SCOTT: "Here is a story that I really like in the Daily Express, 'British sports stars could be forced to wear the EU flag on their kit in the latest bid by Brussels to impose its symbols on the UK.' What's it matter? Hah! Hah! Hah!" RAY STUBBS: "Hah...
Read full storyMan Admits Sexual Relations With Apartment
An unknown man from Wisconsin, yesterday admitted to rumors of having sexual relations with his apartment. The man, it is believed, committed the act, by placing his private part between a sliding door partition, in the middle of the apartment.
Read full storyEtiquette of Sneezing
When somebody sneezes, it is polite to respond with "Bless You". What do you do if they continue to sneeze, though? This handy guide will guide you through the minefield that is the Etiquette of Sneezing. For the first sneeze, respond with the traditional "Bless You", even if neither you nor the person sneezing has any religious inclination. The response no longer has any religious overtones...
Read full storyJulia Roberts Is Devastated That Her Movie "Larry Crowne" Is A Box-Office Bomb
ENSENADA, Mexico - Julia Roberts and her husband flew down to Ensenada, Mexico to get away from all of the horrible reviews of her and Tom Hanks latest motion picture Larry Crowne. Roberts, who is quite devastated at the fact that her latest movie...
Read full storyObama Walks out of Debt Meeting to Play in a Pickup Basketball Game
At a contentious meeting on solving the US debt crises which included members of both leading parties of Congress as well as some other members of some other parties that no one could give a crap about, US President, Barack Obama, abruptly left at th...
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