Olympic Committee Cancels Summer Games After Psychic Group Threatens to Post Results Online

Funny story written by Asheville Jack

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

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London, England - The 2012 Summer Olympic Games, scheduled to take place in London from 27 July to 12 August 2012 were officially canceled today after the International Olympic Committee was unable to comes to terms with Bert Poppins, head of the English Psychics Union.

Poppins, as Executive Director the EPU, instead blamed the IOC for their unwillingness to negotiate in good faith, adding that unless the IOC returned to the bargaining table soon, which he said he already knew they would, that the EPU might decertify.

Member of the EPU, who have in the past threatened to reveal the winners of Olympic games ahead of time unless paid tens millions of US dollars in one dollar bills, say they are simply trying to protect the integrity of the Olympic games.

"Can you possibly imagine," said Poppins, "the run on the English betting parlors if the results of the summer Olympic Games were to be released prematurely?"

It was for this very reason said Sally Sallyforth IV, head of the IOC, that they games were canceled. "We cannot allow the results of the upcoming summer games to be revealed ahead of time or held hostage by a group of psychics whose only motivation is greed.

In a press conference today in downtown London at the Stew and Brew Poppins responded by reminding the Olympic chairman that the IOC pockets a fortune every four years in licensing and broadcasting fees, none of which it shares with the athletes from around the world, many of whom train for years in abject poverty just to be part of the games.

"Look," said Poppins, "the IOC feeds at the trough of the athletes and we feed off the IOC." This was just further proof, he said, that in life as in the Olympics there are real winners and losers and that the EPU always knew who they were going to be ahead of time.

Poppins said that despite the temporary cancellation the 2012 Olympic Games would go as scheduled in London next summer. "They're going to cave," a smiling Poppins said in reference to the IOC, "on the 14th of the next month to be exact.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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