Comet Lovejoy is the Jesus Mothercraft first seen by Three Wise Men
Space - "WTF does this mean for Capricorns?" seems to be the frantic question in certain NASA quarters as news of Comet Lovejoy's 87,000 mile 'near miss' with the Sun goes viral on the net. Discovered by Australian star gazer Terry Lovejoy on 27 N...
Read full storyRon Paul Spelled Backwards: "Luap Nor" (Arabic For Nuke Israel)
SIOUX CITY, IOWA - In the debate last night, Congressman Ron Paul reached out to Iran President and fellow madman, Mahmoud Ahmadinejab. Looking like a troll dropping off the shoulders of a wire hanger, Paul defended the right of Iran to build a nucl...
Read full storySince Scarlett Johansson Hates The Nickname "ScarJo" How About A New One?
LOS ANGELES - Scarlett Johansson was recently on a promotional outing at the La Brea Tar Pits where she was promoting her brand new movie We Bought A Zoo. She informed the entertainment media that she loved the fact that she got to work with so ma...
Read full storyCharlotte the deer saved
Lake Geneva, Wis--Charlotte the deer is going to live. She won't be facing the death penalty that was the judgement the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources gave her. "We were going to be sneaky about it, but Marvin Graaf whined to the media...
Read full storyDappy from 'N'Dubz' - 'I am the love child of Demis Roussos' shocker!
Dappy, the bobble headed gonk and singer (that's a laugh - Ed.) of British hip-hop group, 'N-Dubz,' has sensationally revealed that he is the love child of greek 70's love God and human marquee, Demis Roussos. He was apparently conceived in the (e...
Read full storyHow the Royals celebrate Christmas
At Christmas time, ones thoughts often turn to Britain's second family, the Windsors. There are many connections between the Royal Family and Christmas - the Queen's speech; the fact that we lick the back of her head dozens of times in the weeks running up to Christmas; or that Jesus also had two birthdays. New member of the Royals, Kate Middleton, will be celebrating her first Christmas at Buc...
Read full storyUnnamed Media Wizard
The first signs of Altzeimers Disease are memory loss and confusion. One should therefore sympathise with the Chief Executive of a large media organisation who has shown these symptoms recently. Not wishing to attack this person in name I will not upset his father by naming him. Freedom of speech can only go so far and it cannot include an attack on the reputation of someone who has always c...
Read full storyIndia claim they have the smallest things in the world including women and condoms!
India are making claims that they possess the smallest things on the planet including the smallest female, the smallest man and the smallest male genitalia! The smallest female on the planet, who just happens to be Indian, has just been entered in...
Read full storyThe Hams of Death - A Christmas Story
The thin man with bruised knuckles had sprawled out across a vintage creaky green and yellow plaid La-Z-Boy with one knee slightly bent so his bare feet could avail themselves of every last square inch of fully extended footrest. Lounging in a wife beater tee and duck patterned boxers, the mid life crisis poster child was nothing more than an unlikely American tourist turned writer who found hims...
Read full storyX-Factor's Melanie Amaro, Josh Krajcik, and Chris Rene Make It To The X-Factor Finals
HOLLYWOOD - The cool cat singing Marcus Canty was eliminated from the semifinals of X-Factor. And it was good to see that there was no meltdown like the previous weeks when teens Drew Ryniewics, 14, and Rachel Crow, 13, were sent back home. Th...
Read full storyWaste not want not this year - scientific proof that cranberry sauce successfully treats piles.
After comprehensive research by scientists in Geneva, proof has been published that the popular festive condiment of cranberry sauce not only compliments turkey, but also combats the misery of piles. Over a duration of 6 months, experimental resea...
Read full storySarkozy to appear in Skegness Panto - 'Oh yes he is!'
Hot, hot, hot off the press today is confirmation that French President Nicolas Sarkozy is to make a much anticipated appearance on British shores to star in panto this year. He will be appearing as head dwarf, 'Smelly' in 'Snow White and the Seven D...
Read full storyFlying low? There's an app for that
There is nothing more embarrassing for a man than to go to the lavatory and discover that his zip has been undone all morning; and the reasons for the giggles and pointing becomes apparent. "Many a time I've thought I've said something witty," sai...
Read full storyDappy gives "ev-eh-dince innit" at Leveson inquiry
Dappy, a singer and member of suitably stupidly-spelled pointy and shouty pop group N-Dubz, has given evidence at the Leveson Inquiry into the News of the World phone tapping. Mr Dappy - whose real name is Costadinos Contostavlos Braindeadz - was...
Read full storyJesus wept! Japan authorities declare 'Fukushima stable' a holy birth shrine
Tokyo - Jesus was born inside a nuclear fast breeder reactor according to Japanese sources which have placed the Fukishima 'stable' on the conservation 'at risk' register. Fallout specialists said today some historical corrections may be needed to...
Read full storyBah Humbug! Local Man develops Man Flu and Yuppie Flu at the same time
Christmas may be a time of mistletoe and wine, but it is also a time of coughs and sniffles, and it seems that the long winter months are being blamed for a sharp rise in cases of combined Yuppie/Man Flu (or YuMF for short). Practitioners describe th...
Read full storyEpicentre of latest Winter Vomiting Virus outbreak identified as remote Northumberland village
As the end of the year approaches, the incidence of Winter Vomiting Virus inevitably increases. This year, scientists have traced the recent outbreak of the Norovirus back to the tiny village of Barhum in Northumberland, and have given it the code S...
Read full storySnow, and why it should be banned
If there's one thing that would have me praying for a global rise in temperature, it is snow. It's depressing. It's disruptive. I cannot conceive of a single good thing about it. Other people come out with lines like: "It makes everything look pretty." To which my answer is, why is a uniform colour pretty? I much prefer looking at a multifaceted multicolour landscape than WHITE! ev...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Thirty-Three
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 63 - Hospital ProcedureThis chapter shoots to the present day - in an effort to recall my short term memory quickly and record the events semi-accurately, before I return to my usual haze when the affects of the drugs wear off. I'd starved myself, taken the medications,...
Read full storyMitt Romney Bets Rick Perry $10,000 That Miley Cyrus Has Had A Boob Job
SIOUX CITY, Iowa - in a clear sign that all of the GOP political debates are starting to take a toll on Mitt Romney now comes word that he has bet Rick Perry $10,000 that Miley Cyrus got a boob job. Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo has r...
Read full storyIreland's Psycho Circus Clowns Strike Again
Ireland's notorious gang of psycho circus clowns struck again yesterday, in the small market town of Crossmafinngers, County Clare. The five strong gang, comprising of four men and a woman, all wearing clown suits. wigs, bizarre costumes and outsi...
Read full storyAl Qaeda to Change name to "Really Cool Dudes with Beards, Turbans and Weapons"
In order to remake its image and distance itself from the whole aspect of terrorism, Al Qaeda has announced that they have changed their name to Really Cool Dudes with Beards, Turbans and Weapons or RCDBTW. "We want everyone to know that we are re...
Read full storyRecording of Ancient Astronauts Found
Washington DC: Following in the footsteps of his famous father, Indiana Jones Jr. has completed an archeological dig to determine the origin of the large drawings of spiders and monkeys located in the Nazca Desert in southern Peru. UFO enthusiasts...
Read full story