X-Factor Is Becoming More About The Judges Than The Performers As Simon Cowell Takes On The Other Three Judges

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 1 December 2011

image for X-Factor Is Becoming More About The Judges Than The Performers As Simon Cowell Takes On The Other Three Judges
The winner of X-Factor will walk away with $5 million. (Photo courtesy of Simon Cowell).

HOLLYWOOD - Florida's Melanie Amaro sang "The Earth Song" and she received a tumultuous standing ovation as the last seven contestants on X-Factor performed the songs of Michael Jackson.

Rappers Chris Rene and Astro, alias "Little Kanye" added their own hip hop lyrics to the songs by the King of Pop and one wondered if Jackson would have really ever uttered the words bling bling bustin' bitch or I got your fa shizzle ma nizzle right here in the lower region of my yo yo yo yo ma ho.

But as Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" Cowell said the singers were allowed a little leeway just as long as they did not use words that Michael never would have used like soufflé, homerun, crumpets, Vermont, or Ke$ha.

Little bitty 15-year-old Rachel Crow sang her song while sitting down in a Walmart chair. She sang the song "Can You Feel It" which probably only 14 people in the audience had ever heard of before.

Paula Abdul and L.A. Reid both said that they had never heard the song and wondered if maybe Simon Cowell (Rachel's mentor) had gotten Micheal Jackson mixed up with Michael Buble or Michael Bolton, or perhaps Michael Nesmith.

The other little bitty female singer known simply as Drew sang the song "Billy Jean," which everyone had heard before.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Drew's last name is Ryniewicz, which is pronounced: RICK-SHAW.]

Sitting in the audience as the honored guests of X-Factor were Michael Jackson's family which included his mom Katherine and MJ's children Prince, Paris, and Blanket and yes, even Michael Jackson's chimp, "Bubbles."

Jocko's brothers were also present including Jackie, Marlon, Tito, and Socrates.

Taffeta Kixx of iRumors reported that when Drew started singing "Billy Jean" that Blanket Jackson turned to his sister Paris and asked, "Hey, why is Drew singing a song about a guy singing about a baby mama denial song when she's a girl?"

Paris whispered that it's just a singing show and not to think that it's really anything real like Dancing With The Stars, Cupcake Wars, or The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

One of the odds-on-favorites to win along with Melanie Amaro is Josh Krajcik. He sang the song "Dirty Diana" and although Josh is a great singer and performer, he looked extremely uncomfortable, kinda as if his pants were too tight, or as if he was wondering if he had put deodorant on or not.

Marcus Canty, who looks a lot like former Dallas Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin sang "P.Y.T." and after being in the bottom two last week he decided that he had to do something a little special so at the end of the song he did a back flip, 10 push ups, 15 sit ups, and the splits (twice).

But the highlight of the night is the ongoing fighting between the X-Factor judges. Simon Cowell who is not one to shy away from being confrontational, arrogant, sarcastic, and downright mean told L.A. (Reid) that he is really getting tired of his Herman Cain like attitude.

Cowell, The "Count of Criticism" remarked that if Reid keeps disrespecting him in front of the television audience that he is going to fire his butt and he'll see to it that the only show he'll possibly ever appear on will be the cable show The Swamp People.

He then turned his attention to Nicole Scherzinger who has repeatedly said that Cowell is being very disrespectful to the American audiences.

The long-legged beauty pointed out that when (Cowell) appears on the British version of X-Factor he dresses in a suit and tie and on American TV he dresses in jeans and a dingy old T-shirt.

The gorgeously sexy lead singer for The Pussycat Dolls went on to say that Simon apparently did not get the memo that crewcuts went out in the 60s.

"The Royal Rude Dude" told Nicky, as he calls her, that she really needs to back off of the tanning spray because it is starting to cloud her thinking, her reasoning, and is also starting to cause little pockets of cellulite to form on her extreme upper thigh region.

Meanwhile the little dynamo Paul Abdul who almost cries as much as Brett Favre, Glenn Beck, and John Boehner said that she has asked Cowell several times to please not put his hand on her legs during the commercial breaks.

She said that at first she did not mind it too much, but now that (Simon) has let his fingernails grow out she is noticing little scratches on her knees and thighs when she goes to her dressing room after the show.

Simon said that Paula is lucky that he rescued her from the Land of Obscurity because after she had been fired from American Idol, no one offered her a job, except for that Burger Bandit Restaurant in Tarzana who offered her an assistant manager's position.

And so the X-Factor saga will continue and hopefully the focus will shift back to the young singers on stage and not on the childish judges in the audience.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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