God not laughing at Bachmann's joke
Heaven--God isn't laughing about Michele Bachmann's joke about Him sending natural disasters to reign in government spending. God plans on punishing Michele Bachmann by making her appear crazy, and He also plans on sending her to the back of the...
Read full storyBritney Spears Rejects Lady Gaga's Alter-Ego Joe Calderone
HOLLYWOOD - Britney Spears said she was thrilled beyond belief to receive The Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at The 28th Annual MTV Music Video Awards Show. But the blonde "Oops I Did It Again" girl did confess to Pia Confetti of The El Lay...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Sarah Palin Does Not Want To Announce She Is Running For President
INDIANOLA, Iowa - Sarah Palin's One Nation Bus Tour seems to be going round and round in circles. In fact, Ling Chow Rangoon with iRumors said that if she did not know any better she would swear that nine-year-old Piper Palin is driving the tour b...
Read full storyA Pregnant Beyonce Shows She's Not Just Another Pretty Face
HOLLYWOOD - Beyonce danced a little and lip synced a lot, like most performers, and after her performance at The 28th Annual MTV Music Video Awards Show she picked up her blouse and showed her baby bump which really amounted to a little bump the size...
Read full storyDog With Two Assholes Puzzles Mueller and Comey
BILLINGSGATE POST: Former FBI Director James Comey, worried about his reputation for lying hurting his book sales, was seen at a Washington watering spot talking to his old friend Robert Mueller, to see if he had any ideas that might help him win...
Read full storyTeam wins football match by scoring more goals than the other team
Cranchester-On-Sea 3 Amplethrope Town 1 by Tony Whippersnapper A satisfying win for Cranchester as they punished a lacklustre Amplethorpe by scoring more goals than them by a ratio of 3 to 1. The Jouneymen, playing in an unusual 010110101110 b...
Read full storyLatest Cablegate Releases Not Juicy Enough, Say Conspiracy Theorists
WORLDWIDE - The Worldwide Institute of Deludeds Exposing Conspiracies, Uniting Nationally and Trekkies (WIDECUNTs) has issued a formal statement calling for the impeachment of Wikileaks found Julian Assange for crimes against their community. "All...
Read full storyUnderground river discovered under the Thames
London - Sports enthusiast reckon it's set to become the most popular subterranean whitewater freestyle kayaking/waterboarding site in all of Europe amid confirmation it dwarfs its surface counterpart from Boulters Lock at Maidenhead to Devil's Islan...
Read full storyHurricane Irene embarrassed by all this attention
NEW YORK, NY--Tropical storm Irene, formally known as Category 1 Hurricane Irene, took time to address reporters in-between rain showers today, saying that she felt the attention given to her was largely unwarranted, citing her largely manageable...
Read full storyHampshire Largely Ignores Hurricane Kevin
People in the south coast county of Hampshire were all rather nonchalant today as Hurricane Kevin made landfall at Portchester Castle. Residents largely ignored the unusual weather conditions and went about their usual bank holiday business of goi...
Read full story24% more Americans now believe in hurricanes, says national poll
New York -- Almost a quarter of the American population has shifted its views on the existence of hurricanes, according to a Harris poll conducted in the aftermath of hurricane Irene. The 24% rise brings the total of "hurricane believers" to ove...
Read full storyWenger Suicide Reports Unconfirmed
It seems that reports that Arsene Wenger has attempted suicide following his team's disastrous 8-2 dismantling by Manchester United's young assassins have been greatly exaggerated. An Arsenal spokesman told this organ, that reports that the beleag...
Read full storySelby Wives In Happy Slap Bonanza During John Wayne Movies
Selby's married women have gone on a 'happy slapping' rampage today during TV screenings of John Wayne movies. As we reported earlier today, Mr Barry Glimpse was attacked by his wife and sister-in-law while watching Rio Bravo. It transpired th...
Read full storyArsenal Fans Go Into Hiding
It seems that the reports stating that you can't find an Arsenal fan for love nor money, anywhere on the streets of Britain today appear to be true. For years now, Arsenal fans have been particularly vociferous about their team's achievements, cro...
Read full storyThe 2011 MTV Music Video Awards Show - The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly
LOS ANGELES - It was a night filled with lots of bling-bling, lip syncing, and more bleeps than Lindsay Lohan has freckles. The 28th Annual MTV Music Video Awards Show, took place at the Nokia Theater and was hostless. Beyonce showed her tummy, La...
Read full storyBeyonce Stops After 3 Months of Non-Stop Dancing to Have Pregnancy Test on MTV VMA's
Global superstar Beyonce was finally able to stop dancing for 30 seconds to accept a quick pregnancy test on the stage of MTV's VMA's. Jay Z her rapster husband has been desperate to confirm whether she is pregnant, having not able to get his wife to...
Read full storySelby Man Copy Cat Happy Slapped While Watching John Wayne
A Selby man was subject to a happy slap attack by his wife and sister-in-law today while watching the John Wayne western Rio Bravo. The incident appears to have been a copy cat version of a similar attack last month. Barry Glimpse, 47, of Ikea...
Read full storyNew Dinosaur Park To Open
The tyrannosaurus rex and the stegosaurus will once again walk the plains of planet Earth when a new theme park, Dinosaur World, opens its doors next month in Tibet. The creatures will actually be immense dinosaur costumes that will employ the sam...
Read full storyStarting Traps For The 2012 Olympic Games!
Following the false start and disqualification of Usain Bolt in the World Championships 100m athletics sprint final in Daegu the sports governing body the IAAF are to hold emergency talks with a view to changing the rules in time for the start of ne...
Read full storyTransfer deadline sensation: Scousers attempt to bring the prodigal son home; Rooney!
Liverpool's manager, Kenny "the Scot" Dalglish, has made an audacious bid to bring Liverpool's prodigal son back home by offering Man Utd everything they have! In the offer was the Anfield stadium, 100 million quid, the freedom of Liverpool for Si...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp blames Luka Modric's ear for defeat
Tottenham's 5-1 defeat to Manchester City has been blamed on Luka Modric's ear. "Some geezers got in Luka's ear and it's cost us the game" said manager 'Arry Redknapp. Redknapp also claims Modric is not "right in the head" amid reports of a new...
Read full storyPlant thine Seed
The women, of Roman Empire era, were much fond of elegant hair styles! On the other hand, as long as history remembers, females of the Greater Middle East countries (GME) have always worn various forms of burqa, now common in Afghanistan. In GME, burqa is mandatory. In 1970s, the beginning of world-wide turmoil, a president in GME publicly said women's head hair emitted a kind of beam that sexuall...
Read full storyMummy Dearest - Justin Bieber Sent to Bed Early at MTV VMAs
In a reality check for singing sensation, Justin Bieber was ordered by his mum to come home at 10pm the night of the MTV VMAs despite calls from a legion of stars to be easy on him for just one night. Even Russell Brand's sex charged conversation wit...
Read full storyNasty business as Charles serves up Destroying Angel mushroom bake supper
Scotland - 'Fun guy or fungi?' was the dilemma today after a back-to-nature weekend photo-op backfired horribly on the Prince, snapped in ridiculous tartan galoshes picking mushrooms near Loch Ness. This morning his locally foraged mushroom hotpot...
Read full storyNancy Pelosi's Face Victimized by 5.8 Earthquake
Besides the Washington Monument and the National Cathedral, there was another famous relic that sustained damages during the recent East Coast earthquake. According to Congressional sources who wish to remain anonymous, Congresswoman's Nancy Pel...
Read full storyNew York says Goodnight Irene!
As Irene's skirts blew in the wind New Yorkers failed to see what has excited so many people. They still don't know if Irene was wearing pants! Rumours that the whole story of Hurricane Irene was blown (get it?) out of all proportion in order to c...
Read full storyPolitical Ode Winner - August 2011
August's winner of the Inchcock Gazette Political Ode The Right Honourable William Hague MP (Referred to as WH in the ode) First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs. The richest MP in Parliament vs Inchcock Chambers RIP (Referred to as IC in the ode) Out of work lower grade elderly Spoofer Under Medical Care. Basic pension, in debt up to his ey...
Read full storyNottingham City Councillor looks on the bright side!
Nottingham Councillor Mr I. Likexpences, was interviewed last night by our ancient political reporter Inchcock Chambers. He asked the Councillor his opinions on the following topics: Inchock asked: "Your views on the rioting and attacks on 14 police stations in Nottingham?" Likepences replied: "Not all bad news you know, we have the highest unemployment rate in the country here in Notting...
Read full storyScottish Government Ministers offer to play bagpipes at Megrahi's wake
Alex Salmond and Kenny MacAskill, the architects of the early release of mass murderer Abdul Megrahi, have written to his wife following news that he may be dying, offering to play bagpipes at his wake. In a letter leaked to the Guardian, Salmond...
Read full storyBras for men are an unexpected hit for Sparks and Mensa
Sparks and Mensa, the shop for the intelligentsia, have revealed that this year's surprise hit clothing product has been bras for men. "We were very surprised," said Mark Spencer, advertising vice president for Sparks and Mensa, or S&M as they...
Read full storyChildren whose parents divorce 'more likely' to become bastards
Children with parents who divorce or separate before they are five are more likely to become bastards when they reach 16 than children with parents who remain together, a major new study has found. Demos, the think-tank, has analysed the bastard t...
Read full storyManchester United Facing Uncertain Future
Premier League champions Manchester United are facing an uncertain future this morning after it was announced that its owners, the Glazer family, had been considering a share sale in Singapore to help raise money to reduce some of their huge debts.
Read full storyBeyonce Announces Pregnancy Story To Cover Up 'Gorging' Allegations
Pop singer Beyonce Knowles has made an astonishing claim that she is pregnant, after months of speculation that she might be overweight. The R&B star, 29, used her hands to frame, what she called, her "baby bump" under a loose-fitting dress as...
Read full storyArsene Wenger Sacked
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has been sensationally dismissed from his position after the club's humiliating 8-2 defeat at the hands of Premier League rivals Manchester United yesterday. Wenger has been at the helm for almost 15 years, during whi...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Flying Teacups Over Solent
Residents of Newtown were treated to an unusual spectacle over the weekend as a series of unidentified flying objects were seen hovering over The Solent. Longtime resident Emma Sandstrom, eighty-three of Dovercourt Crescent, says this was no ordin...
Read full storyObama makes historic discovery
New York City -- The way history chooses to view President Barack Obama will depend not on his far left ideologies, but his undeniable alpha dog personality and extraordinary manly powers. Earlier in the year, Obama single handedly defeated and ki...
Read full storyThe Keukan Study Defines Popular Affection Positions
In recent months, scientists at the North American Association of Foreplay and Sexuality (NAAFAS) have finished their study of spooning, and have discovered that spooning is not the only preferred way of remaining close to your partner after intimate...
Read full storyManchester United Boss Vows To "Tighten Up Defence"
Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson was described as "livid" after his side's 8-2 humiliation of Arsenal at Old Trafford yesterday, and told fans he was determined to shore up United's leaky defence. The Reds went top after their easy vict...
Read full storyTom Jones hospitalized with 'chills and fever'
MONTE CARLO, Monaco--Tom Jones was rushed to Princess Grace Hospital suffering from the effects of dehydration. Within hours, rumors that Jones had passed away were burning down the house. "Although it's not unusual," stated a spokesman for Mr. Jo...
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