Selby Wives In Happy Slap Bonanza During John Wayne Movies

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Monday, 29 August 2011

image for Selby Wives In Happy Slap Bonanza During John Wayne Movies
More Selby cats - ( from left) Mittens, Poppy and Tinker.

Selby's married women have gone on a 'happy slapping' rampage today during TV screenings of John Wayne movies.

As we reported earlier today, Mr Barry Glimpse was attacked by his wife and sister-in-law while watching Rio Bravo.

It transpired that the incident was a copy cat version of a similar attack in Selby last month in which Royce Bandersnatch suffered a slapping while watching El Dorado, a 1967 remake of Rio Bravo.

This evening, EIF News & Features was inundated with calls from more Selby men after they too were attacked while watching Rio Lobo - a further remake of Rio Bravo from 1970, again starring John Wayne and directed by Howard Hawks.

Kevin Turgid said: "I dunno what happened. There I was watching the Duke and Jack Elam when all of a sudden in rushes Nancy and gives me a right going over while the kids record it on their camera."

In all, we received 37 reports of such attacks.

Film expert Denizen Wompert didn't expect the Selby attacks to continue into the night as the TCM channel continued its John Wayne day by broadcasting Big Jake and McQ.

"I think it's unlikely," he said. "It seems Selby women are the subject of subliminal signals placed by Howard Hawks in Rio Bravo and its re-makes.

"Whether these other movies will affect women in other provincial market towns remains to be seen. There is Hollywood talk that Wayne was let down by a Leominster girl once."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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