Kim Kardashian Throws Bloody Towel Out Window To Prove She Was A Virgin: Did A Chicken Die In Vain?
HOLLYWOOD BEDLAMBASTS: Although Las Vegas bookies have given even odds to which will occur sooner; the current NBA contract impass to be resolved or the breakup of the marriage between Kim Kardashian and New Jersey Jet forward, Kris Humphries, one th...
Read full storyChocolate Banana - For Real!
Scientists at Cardiff University on the Stephen King Sponsored Genetics course have successfully cross-bred bananas and cacao the plant that gives us the most important of foodstuffs, chocolate. "It's brilliant," said head professor of genetics, J...
Read full storyBono's Operation Goes Wrong, Ego Accidentally Removed - World Asked to Pray for Peace
Irish rockstar Bono checked into a Monte Carlo hospital for a routine medical procedure to have his ego topped up in the frontal lobe of the brain. This is an operation Bono has every year but something went horribly wrong this time and consequences...
Read full storyRepublicans Tout Tax Cuts Create Two Jobs
Washington--Republicans are touting the creation of two jobs created this week by their tax cut legislation. The two jobs created were at Liberty Consulting, a lobbyist firm of Virginia Thomas, the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. T...
Read full storyCouncils Say We're Throwing Away The Wrong Kind of Rubbish!
Many of Britain's local councils are reporting a significant reduction in the amount of rubbish being taken to the official tips. The government was at first delighted with the news thinking the reason was simply because the general public were b...
Read full storyPride and Prejudice Reloaded book released
Today, lines were forming outside bookstores across the country as excited readers couldn't wait to get their hands on the latest classic remake. This time it's Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice which gets an update, as publishers try to milk the pop...
Read full storyUS women go topless on "Women's Topless Day" using plastic nipples!
Women's Topless Day in America has caused quite a "hoot" because it is forbidden for women to show their nipples off in public in the natural form. Many bare chested women are demanding equal rights and want to do what many males do on hot summ...
Read full storyToffee nosed QPR chew over Scouse Toffees
Everton fans were left fuming after the Toffees were turned over by a makeshift QPR side at Goodison Park on saturday. Charlie Scally, writing in the Scouse Echo, called QPR "a bag of shite" and claimed they were lucky to beat Everton. "QPR ar...
Read full storyObama catches 7 fishes; feeds the entire East Coast with an 'Economic Miracle'
Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts -- Pres. Barack Obama made good use of day three of his summer vacation, catching seven "nice size" striped bass off the coast of this ocean island. But what happened next is being called by some "the economic mir...
Read full storySarah Jessica Parker blamed as Libyan state TV goes off air
Tripoli - Months of dire Sex & The City repeats followed by non-stop 24/7 airings of the two movie sequels have taken their toll on the Libyan uprising. This afternoon rebel forces advancing on Tripoli took the decision to humanely kill-off th...
Read full storyObama Is An Alien
US President Barack Obama has admitted to being an alien. The 2006 confession was solicited from the then first-term Illinois Senator under torture at Guantanamo Bay, meaning it was not admissible under US law. But a new ruling on the rights of de...
Read full storyCameron Cock-a-hoop Over Allies Victory In Libya
A jubilant David Cameron was scarcely able to contain his excitement earlier this morning during a press conference that had been hastily called to discuss the overthrow of Libyan dictator, Colonel Gaddafi. The PM, flanked on either side by a claq...
Read full storyMichelle Bachmann Confesses! God Upset With Her; Tells Her She Lost Her Mind
In the wake of having reported that God told her to run for President, Michelle Bachmann appeared on Fox News visibly shaken, and announced, "God has told me something else, and it's something I didn't want to hear. He said, 'Michelle, you lost your mind.' "Naturally, I was surprised and asked why he would ever think such a thing of me. "God went on to ask, 'Did you report that I told you t...
Read full storySarah Palin Names Her Black Dildo Obama - How Deep Will She Go On Her Attacks?
The darling of the tea party movement, who has yet to decide if she is going to put herself forward for the republican race for the White House, has said she finally has found a way to channel her anger at Barack Obama which is worse now than when he...
Read full storyLibya bombs neighborhood, Syria fires rockets--a pleasant reminder that there's shit going in places other than Iraq
HARFOLD, VT-The past week's worth of fighting in Syria and Libya has been seen as a breath of fresh air for those sick and tired of hearing about suicide bombings in Bagdad and Kabul. "Let someone else rip the shit out of each other," said a senio...
Read full storyCall Girls Will Use Priority Lanes on Roads During London Olympics - Speedy Vice Service Guaranteed for VIPs
As London continues its Olympic countdown, Mayor Boris Johnson has given the go ahead for an historic decision, that he argues will have positive long term benefits for the city and leave a lasting legacy for all communities. This follows months of b...
Read full storyMario Balotelli becomes first footballer to 'do a Depardieu'
The popular craze of Planking is now considered second division by Premier League footballers. Being papped lying face down in unusual locations and 'sharing your plank' on U Tube is no longer the nuts. The latest macho challenge for high prof...
Read full storyLibyan Latest News
Our contact in Libya is reporting on events as they take place in Tripoli. He was shot at by Gaddafi supporters although he was wearing a green tie but the colours of the Rebel flag (or it the Government now) clash with his pink trousers so he is try...
Read full storyT.S. Eliot's Ashes To Be Scattered on Housing Development
Uproar has followed the announcement that the ashes of the poet T.S. Eliot are to be scattered on a housing development in the village of East Coker. The ashes of the author of The Waste Land are interred in the local church in the somerset villa...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Blames Their 20-7 Loss To The San Diego Chargers on The Cowboys Cheerleaders
DALLAS - The owner of the Dallas Cowboys Jerry Jones has promised all of the Cowboys season ticket holders that the team will win more games this season than they did last year or else he'll gladly refund their money no questions asked. The Cowboy...
Read full storySteven Tyler Says That Kate Gosselin Is The 'Complete Package'
AVOCADO HEIGHTS - American Idol Judge Steven Tyler and Kate Gosselin of the newly cancelled Kate Plus 8 were seen having a #3 deluxe fried chicken dinner at The Cackle Cackle Chicken Diner. Tyler was dressed in his customary loud colored sable pan...
Read full storyRob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Deny The Skinny Dipping Rumors
TARZANA - Twilight stars Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were recently spotted at The Tarzan and Jane Petting Zoo. The couple looked quite cozy as they walked around petting some of the extremely friendly animals such as Gladys the Goat, Laura t...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Calls Justin Bieber A Spoiled Brat - Bieber Fires Back And Says The Old Nag Needs To Cut Back On The Oats
NEW YORK CITY - Ann Coulter recently appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight and she told Morgan that she is glad he is around because now there is someone in the nation who people hate more than her. Morgan told her that he would not be too quick to say...
Read full storyWhite House Unveils Jobs Plan; key provisions include increased defense spending, national drivers license, and accelerating rate of home foreclosures.
The President addressed a group of reporters and lawmakers today, and announced his long awaited economic stimulus and job growth plan. In his trademark style of measured pace and confident articulation, the Chief Executive outlined key parts of his...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez AKA J.Lo Says She Hates Being A Sex Object
NEW YORK CITY - The woman who People Magazine named The Most Beautiful Woman In The World says that she is not feeling like her title too much at the moment. Jennifer Lopez says that the Marc Anthony divorce proceedings are starting to take a toll...
Read full storyPresident Obama Unveils Latest Plan to Resolve the US Debt Crisis
Washington DC: The White House released a draft of President Obama's latest plan to resolve the US Debt Crisis. It was written on the back of a napkin bearing the logo Blue Heron Farm, Martha's Vineyard MA. The president consulted with FED Chairma...
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