Kim Kardashian Throws Bloody Towel Out Window To Prove She Was A Virgin: Did A Chicken Die In Vain?

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 22 August 2011


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Fowl Proof

HOLLYWOOD BEDLAMBASTS: Although Las Vegas bookies have given even odds to which will occur sooner; the current NBA contract impass to be resolved or the breakup of the marriage between Kim Kardashian and New Jersey Jet forward, Kris Humphries, one thing is for sure, no one was more surprised to find out that Kardashian was a virgin than her new husband.

Kim, who was previously married to music producer Damon Thomas and has dated former Heisman Trophy winner Reggie Bush for a few years, said she would dispel any and all rumors that her hymen was not intact as part of a contract that paid her over a million dollars to film her wedding celebration.

As perhaps too many men know, the odds against marrying an 18 year old virgin are perhaps 1,000,000 to 1. For each year after that, the odds redouble until a woman reaches 30, at which time she has either joined the convent or become immune to the stimulation of sex toys; whichever happens first.

So you can imagine how surprised her fans were when a bloody towel comes flying out the window the morning after the wedding. Naturally, as part of the contract, this was all filmed in living color.

Skeptics who have read Shakespeare might recall, even back in the Bard's era, that there were wily ruses used by the bride to dispel questions regarding virginity. In some cases, a live chicken was killed and the blood from the hapless fowl was mopped up with a towel and thrown out the window to the cheering throngs of curious friends and relatives who had made bets on the fair maiden's virtue.

The chances of something of this nature fooling Kardashian fans might be be as remote as sneaking the sunrise past a rooster without him crowing. However, as we all know, anything is possible in Hollywood.

This has been another Dr. Billingsgate presentation.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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