A jubilant David Cameron was scarcely able to contain his excitement earlier this morning during a press conference that had been hastily called to discuss the overthrow of Libyan dictator, Colonel Gaddafi.
The PM, flanked on either side by a claque of boot-licking sycophants, continually punched the air as he repeatedly claimed "It was me wot done it! I blacked Gaddafi's eye. I bloodied his nose. I done him up like a right kipper. Oh yes!"
Mr Cameron had reportedly driven though the night from his luxury £5,000 a day holiday hideaway in the millionaires' paradise of Cornwall, were he had been enjoying his tenth holiday of the year, to personally take control of what was a fast-moving situation.
It's understood that around midnight he was briefed by an aide that Col. Gadaffi had been ousted from power and apparently it all went crazy from that point onwards. A Downing Street source tells of champagne corks popping throughout the night and at one time Queen's We Are The Champions and Tina Turner's Simply The Best could be heard blaring from a sound system somewhere inside No. 10.
A bleary-eyed Mr Cameron added this parting shot before going back inside the world famous seat of power. "How do you like them apples Ed my son? Eh? Eh? I'm the king of the castle and don't you forget pal!"
He then stunned press and TV crews by stripping to the waist and having Eric Pickles rub him down with baby oil, before swaggering back into the building. As he walked towards the iconic black door Larry, his mouse-catching cat, darted out and started to brush against the PM's legs. Onlookers then gasped in disbelief as Mr Cameron aimed a kick at the flabbergasted feline and yelled "Gertcha Larry! You effing stupid tosser!" Fortunately he missed his mark and one of Larry's nine lives wasn't required, thus leaving the clearly traumatised and terrified tabby to fight another day.
