Robert Pattinson Likes Older Women
Twilight luminary Robert Pattinson is very rich. He is very rich because he has earned a lot of money. He has earned a lot of money because he has acted in fillums about sexy star-crossed teen vampires which offer those who don't want to use their imaginations a watered-down and sanitised and dishwater-dull and bastardised version of the Gothic tradition. This, according to commentator Bingo Cashc...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Denies Making 'Profanity Laced' Remarks About Amy Winehouse
SANTA MONICA BEACH - Taylor Lautner, one of the stars of the Twilight series, and his girlfriend Lily Collins were enjoying themselves down at Santa Monica Beach. The two wore red, white, and blue swimsuits that the very talented Lily Collins, daughter of music icon Phil Collins had personally sewn herself. A crowd had gathered around them and the happy couple gladly allowed them to take all...
Read full storyKate Middleton orthodontist in Grand National glory bid
Liverpool - The man who's reshaped the gnashers of hundreds of Z-listers - including anorexic trainwreck Kate Middleton - is set to make history at Aintree on Saturday. Sam Waley-Cohen rides 12-1 shot Oscar Time in the Grand National, the first am...
Read full storyActors protest cuts in arts budget
Today many celebrities gathered to deliver a petition to Downing Street to protest at the budget cuts for the arts, as part of the government's austerity drive to prevent the UK from becoming bankrupt. At the head of the protests was Captain Jean-...
Read full storyDiscrimination Presenter Gets New BBC Job
Miriam O'Reilly, who won an age discrimination case against the BBC last year, has been given a new role by BBC One. 54 year old O'Reilly, who took the Beeb to an industrial tribunal after losing her job on Countryfile (and won the case) , is taki...
Read full storyNo wonder Rooney is using foul language....I felt like yelling a few 'Rooney's myself today
So Rooney's at it again....potty-mouthing. I must admit when I looked at the photos one of today's dailies of MORE 'Ladies' dressed up for Aintree...I saw a picture of his 'glammed-up' mother-in-law' and felt like yelling a few 'Rooney's myself. My gawd...what a putrid, washed out looking 'moo moo' she was wearing. It looked like a faded parachute - similar to the one we used in P.E.
Read full storyNew Untallied Ballots for Kloppenburg in Wisconsin Supreme Court Contest
In a stunning development, vote tabulators in Dane and Milwaukee Counties found 10,741 more untallied votes for Wisconsin Democratic candidate JoAnne Kloppenburg and 2,212 more untallied votes for Republican candidate and incumbent David Prosser.
Read full storyReport: Passengers Pose More Risk than Airport Scanners
NEW YORK - At the United Nations Organisation Conference on Aviation, a new report has suggested that full-body airport scanners pose no risk to traveller safety. It also found out that passengers pose even more of a risk. The United States, Br...
Read full storyNew LAW Requires Licence For Sex
Early this morning British Prime Minister, David Cameron has passed a law saying that everyone of the ages 16 to 65 must possess a licence to have sex. As part of a new government initiative to promote health and safety when having sex, the lice...
Read full storyWayne Rooney and Gordon Ramsay open new restaurant called "F the FA" it's a f+++++g 5 star!
Ex-footballer and TV chef superstar, f+++++g Gordon Ramsay and f+++++g enfant terriblé, Wayne Rooney, are opening a joint venture restaurant called "F the FA". Wayne who's so fed up eating out because f+++++g Coleen can't cook, decided to contact...
Read full storyReligious book burning sparks riot
A riot today broke out in the canteen of Oxshirebridge University, as news filtered through that a student capable of thinking for himself, had burnt a copy of the 'Origin of Species', the Holy book of the evolutionist cult. As many as three cre...
Read full storyUniversity Drop-Out Rates "Nothing To Worry About" Says Top Academic
A new report reveals that 76,000 students who started degrees in 2008 will fail to graduate this summer. The figures, compiled by the Higher Education Statistics Agency, represent a drop-out rate of 21 per cent. At London Metropolitan University t...
Read full storyBoozing is good for you if you don't want to know about cancer!
Scientists have discovered that the more you booze the more lightly you are to get cancer, not only; smoking, unhealthy eating, drinking fizzy sugary drinks a la coca cola, etc, filthy environments, too much sex, too little sex, too much oral sex, ma...
Read full storyArianna Huffington: Writers are 'Free' to Write What they Want As Long As I Don't Have To Pay Them!
Former Conservative Media Moglette turned rabid liberal, Arianna Huffington, fresh from pocketing $315M after unloading The Huffington Post to a gullible AOL, confirmed that she had just made redundant the last of the paid writers employed by AOL.
Read full storyTripoli blitzkrieg nuke sub shootings: cops hunt 'Gaddafi suspects' in Southampton docks
Southampton - Her volley of cruise missiles wiped out two turds - er...thirds! - of the Libyan Air Farce during the coalition's Vernal Equinox strike. At lunchtime today Royal Navy Police were scouring Southampton docks near UK nuclear flagship su...
Read full storyJapan's radiation poses no risk to health.
Scientists are warning they may have underestimated the health risks associated with smoking cigarettes. They say there is evidence to show even minor contact with the toxins found in cigarette smoke, such as what has been referred to as passive smok...
Read full storyJustin Bieber causes medical emergency by talking about his penis
Teenage heart and other bodily area throbber Justin Bieber has got himself into a spot of bother with hordes of screaming girls as a result of his witterings on the stage of the O2 White Elephant arena in London. He was attempting to demonstrate t...
Read full storyFrankie Boyle confirmed as the UK's unfunniest man
In a poll conducted by Mori (Maurice Flanagan, a farmer from Co Monaghan in Ireland to give him his full name), it has been firmly concluded that Frankie Boyle, the self-styled funny Scottish comedian, is not even the remotest bit funny, although he...
Read full storyA Three-Time Loser
John at last breathed in the sweet air of freedom. He was just released from prison. After 20 years for robbery, he was finally going to see Mary and marry her. He was going to go straight. He had already done "time" twice in his career, one for robbery and the other for manslaughter and he knew that if he ever got convicted of a crime again, it would be for "life" ---- forever. So,...
Read full storyRap Artist Sued by J.K. Rowling
Justin Thyme, founder and lead singer of the rap band "Beetroot To Me" is in deep water with J.K.Rowling after the release of his latest song "Rake N' Vac" from his album "Plagiarhythm". Rowling's followers of course do not believe in plagiarism but...
Read full storyCelebrity Gossip: Scrotum Watch!
Today in Celebrity Gossip, we're talking balls! That's right, our papparazzi have been busying snooping and snapping and bringing you the latest scrotum shots of the stars. Exciting gossip for fans of the Royal Wedding. Prince William's sack was p...
Read full storyThe Lady Gaga - Beyonce Feud Continues To Heat Up!
LOS ANGELES - The infamous Lady Gaga-Beyonce Feud which started several weeks ago shows no signs of letting up. The feud between the two divas started when each one made fun of the other one's name. The name-calling soon escalated into more seriou...
Read full storyThe Reasons Why Todd Palin Says That His Wife Sarah Palin Needs To Enter Into A Rehab Clinic
WASILLA, Alaska - Todd Palin, whom Sarah referred to during her failed vice-presidential campaign of 2008, as the "First Dude" says that he has grown extremely concerned with the well-being state of his wife-mother-huntress Sarah Louise Palin. Tod...
Read full storyMTV Further Disintegrates Civilized Culture By Greenlighting Paulie D, Snooki "Jersey Shore" Spinoffs
MTV, the basic-cable cesspool that is single-handedly ruining the United States of America, accelerates said ruination by ordering twelve episodes each of two "Jersey Shore" spinoffs. "Our research shows that there are still between 25,000 and 50,...
Read full storyThe Biggest Shocker In American Idol History - The Favorite To Win It All, Pia Toscano Is Eliminated!
LOS ANGELES - As American Idol Host Ryan Seacrest asked that the stage lights be dimmed, He remarked that the night's "Bottom Three" consisted of Stefano "Lasagna" Langone, Jacob "Ebeneezer Baptist" Lusk, and Pia "The Model" Toscano. "Peaches" Seacrest quickly sent Jacob back to the "Safe Seats" leaving Stefano and Pia alone under the bright American Idol spotlights, which many have said are so...
Read full storyWriting Instrumental In Stopping Reoffending
A recent report suggests that prisoners who become interested in writing while in prison are much less likely to reoffend when they are released. The Writers In Prison Network has published figures that suggest that inmates who participate in writ...
Read full storyHadron collider in major collision!
The so-called Large Hadron Collider, buried deep underground somewhere in Switzerland finally proved its worth yesterday when at 4.21 pm in the afternoon (GMT) it collided with a large hadron. A loud cheer rang through the echoing caverns - this w...
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