TEA Party auctions off U.S. government

Funny story written by Daniel Wolf

Thursday, 7 April 2011

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In a continuing story, about the recent shutdown, of the U.S. capital, it has been learned that, because President Obama has refused to terminate all assistance programs, for the needy, that the TEA Party has begun accepting offers, to purchase the 50 states, from nations such as Russia, China, Germany, and England, among others.

The TEA Party made its decision, to sell off the United States after weeks of dead-lock, with mainstream Republicans, and the president.

The opening bid, to purchase the 50 states, was, reportedly, just $500 billion. According to TEA Party leader, Mr. Bernard Greed, mainland America is worth much more than this, even in the value of the population, alone.

Mr. Greed has determined that the minimum price, to be paid, is being set at an amount approximating the value of each peron, based upon their value on the open market. Mr. Greed promises that auctions, of all low-income persons will be in accordance with proper slave-trading laws.

As for the land, itself, Mr. Greed has stated that it will be auctioned off, probably at below its true market value, but for enough to pay off the national debt.

According to Mr. Greeds administrative assistant, Ms. Penelope Pinpoint, land valuations are subject to market conditions. Ms. Pinpoint has stated that she has begun filing the proper paper-work, with the United Nations Country Population, and Land sales Council. Ms. Pinpoint is hopeful of receiving advance permission, by June, 2011.

Although not officially confirmed, Ms. Pinpoint does state that several nations are asking to put in advanced bids, on various states. Allegedly, this is why Slobnovia has placed in route no less than five super-cargo carriers, which should be in U.S. dock, by the end of May. The Slobnovian ambassador is in the process of filing his nations "Permission to bid on Slaves" form, with the U.S. State Department.

According to Mr. Greeds projections, the TEA Party estimates that the sale, of U.S. slaves, alone, should cover the national deficit. If this is correct, then, Mr. Greed states that the land may be sold to truly patriotic Americans (Who have an income in excess of $500 million per year) at sub-prime prices.

Either way, America will be out of debt, by August of 2011.

**These figures provided my Mr. J. Sinister Hulk, financial consultant for the TEA Party membership.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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