William A. Dembski switches allegiance from intelligent design
William A. Dembski, one of the leading lights of Intelligent Design has renounced the ideological religious movement to return to the bosom of science, and all it took was a small rock. "One of the reasons I couldn't believe in evolution," said De...
Read full storyInhopeless, Spoofwriter, arrested for voicemail 'hacking'.
Inhopeless, Spoofwriter living in Birmingham, has been arrested by Scotland Yard's Operation Weetabix team for, allegedly, hacking into fellow Spoofwriter, Lady Godiva's voicemail messages. Some of these messages are from her mam and need decoding...
Read full storyUK Army Sent on Top Secret Mission to Job Centre
LONDON - After a long, well-worn night, the Ministry of Defence (MoD), has said that they will send nearly 1000 troops to 51.5 degrees North, 1.902 degrees West. The MoD say that the locals call it a 'Job Senter'. "You see," said a spokesman,...
Read full storyLabour's secret weapon to be unleashed on smug Tories
An educated Scotsman has taken to burrowing himself away in his quiet office on the shores of the River Forth in Scotland. He reads and rereads every Tory speech of the past year and delights in hearing his young children reciting the Tory fairyta...
Read full storyFuneral parlour protest as billboard advertising hunting zombies is stuck on their wall!
A UK funeral parlour has vehemently protested over an advertising company sticking a billboard on their wall advertising a popular TV series about hunting zombies! The funeral parlour director, Damian Deadend (name changed for legal reasons), to...
Read full storyNo 'HRH' for Kate and no Dukedom
London - Kate Middleton was told today she'll be calling herself plain Mrs Wales after the 29 April nuptials. Gargantuan ambitions to style herself Her Royal Highness Princess Catherine of Wales have been scuppered - as has the couple's bid for 'a...
Read full storyKobe to Gay Groups: "Don't Get Your Panties In A Bunch, Butt Pirates. I Was Kidding.
Los Angeles Lakers' most-valuable homophobe, Kobe Bryant has called and apologized to the nation's leading Gay Rights leaders, days after he called an NBA referee a "f--king f-ggot." "Jesus Christ, you gays, it was a joke! I'm sorry," said Bryant,...
Read full storySh-tFloss wins 2011 J.D. Power "Best Of" Award.
Started in a dusty attic in Keyport, NJ, CuloLimpia, Inc. is on top of the As Seen On TV infomercial world, after it's top-selling product, Sh-tFloss wins the coveted J.D. Power Best of Colorectal Maintenance Award for 2011. "While we are proud to...
Read full storyKobe Bryant's Anti-Gay Slur Costs Him $100,000 Plus Many Los Angeles Laker Fans Plan To Boycott The Laker Games
LOS ANGELES - Kobe Bryant, the master of "Ball Control" and now the master of the "Back Pedalers" is trying to do some self damage control after his homophobic rant. During the game against the San Antonio Spurs when Bryant was given a 'Technical'...
Read full storyGlobal Warming will cut your heating bills claims Scientist
A controversial climate scientist has invoked the wrath of the Global Warming Zealots' everywhere by claiming Global Warming is impossible. Professor Clem T Dennier, of the McKeith Institute for Complimentary Science, claims his "new research" will "...
Read full storyCatherine Zeta-Jones Enters The Hi Yo Silver Kemo Sabe Rehab Clinic
NAUGATUCK, Connecticut - Catherine Zeta-Jones the wife of Michael Douglas has checked into one of the most popular (and expensive) rehab clinics on the entire Right Coast. And almost immediately the rumor mills started churning out the reasons for...
Read full storyTheresa May or May Not
UK Home Secretary, Theresa May has revealed that she goes by her middle name, as her forename is actually April. "My full name is April Theresa May," she said. "However, April May is a silly name, so I've been called Theresa for as long as I can...
Read full storyScientist discovers that getting thinner improves memory
Melbourne, FL - According to Dr. Squirlman, going on a diet and losing 50 pounds improves memory. In a study of 100 middle-aged subjects, just concluded, preliminary review of the raw data shows that memory of the subjects improved tremendously.
Read full storyTaylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal Spotted Exchanging Pickles At A Burger Joint
AVOCADO HEIGHTS, California - One of the top young country singers in America today was spotted with her on-again, off-again boyfriend Jake "The Snake" Gyllenhaal. The two were sitting in a booth at the famous Hank's Hippity Hoppity Hamburger Have...
Read full storyJon Cryer Announces He Will Be Directing Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, and Bristol Palin In The Film "The Spoiled Circus Brats"
HOLLYWOOD - Actor Jon Cryer, former cast member on television's number one situation comedy Two and A Half Men, until Charlie "Tiger Blood Boy" Sheen messed up that little 'gold mine' of a show all to hell, will be stepping into the director's chair.
Read full storyDisbelief as Yorkshireman 'Puts Good Book Down' before finishing it!
Leeds: Shock, horror and disbelief as local Leeds Man Puts Good Book Down in Library. There is a saying in literary circles, that if you put a good book down before finishing it, 'Then yer a bastard"!! Unfortunately for one man, the act of putting…
Read full storyActors to be CRB checked
A new government ruling means that from the first of May, all actors who appear with children on television or in films, will have to undergo a CRB check before being allowed to start filming. "We're going to have to incorporate it into the castin...
Read full storyEvolutionary Optimists
It is ironic that the religion, which has been the root cause of the most mass slaughter of the 20th century, evolution, along with its bed fellow atheism, is in fact thought to encourage optimism! Read our fun packed article to discover why! Briefly, Evolution - claims that absolutely nothing at will explode for no reason whatsoever, which in turn creates time, natural laws, and all th...
Read full storyCensus 2011: First Results Available - Number of Thicks And Lazy Gits
Statisticians working on the 2011 UK Census are close to releasing the first findings from the latest national survey. Although officers are now out on the streets chasing up unreturned forms, millions have been returned or filed online - and it i...
Read full storyChannel 5 abandon the questions in their quizzes
At the end of a lot of imported American shows on Channel 5 there was a little quiz to win ten thousand pounds. Initially, these quizzes were quite popular, despite the £1 entry fee via the text number. "People used to like the quizzes," said Chan...
Read full storyJessie J Shocked By Students Drinking
Pop singer Jessie J says she was disgusted at student behaviour at a recent gig in the Republic of Ireland. The singer recently performed at Trinity College in Dublin and she was "shocked" at the level of student drinking. "In my day, anyone tu...
Read full storySpain Travel Advice Warning by Govenrment
The Coalition Government has warned UK citizens against "all but essential" travel to Spain, after 50 years of British holidaymakers flooding the main Spanish resorts. Prime Minister David Cameron, determined to get some positive publicity after a...
Read full storyBird Watchers use Twitter to twatch for twites
Bird watchers group the Blue Footed Boobies, have set up a Twitter group called Twitter Twitcher where information on the latest bird movements in the UK are posted to aid fellow bird watchers to locate the most interesting locations to head for.
Read full storyApple Fans In Shock After Learning Colloquial Meaning of 'Douchebag'
LOS ANGELES - Steve Jobs, and his followers were shocked today after learning the meaning of douchebag. Douchebag, pronounced doosh-baag, is an insult dating from 2004. However, many Apple fans thought that it meant cool, when applied to their gad...
Read full storySpoofer in Critical Condition After Finding Out that Ugly Betty, Scrubs, Big Bang Theory Back on TV
BIRMINGHAM - Spoofer Inhopeless is in a critical, but stable, state after finding out that his favourite TV programmes have been uncancelled. Doctors say that Inhopeless, a long-time fan of surreal hospital comedy, Scrubs, fashion-orientated comed...
Read full storyAn impatient Fort Worth Tires of waiting for bridges to be built
The City of Fort Worth has decided to delay construction on the Henderson Street Bridge. Residents from all over Tarrant County, at least a part of it anyway, filled the room as the City Council made the announcement. The residents understandably w...
Read full storyTown of Sandwich, MA, Now Butt of Jokes after Senator Scott Brown Details Sexual Abuse at Popular Summer Camp
There's good news and bad news involving the Cape Cod summer camp forced to close after more than a dozen claims of sexual abuse involving happy campers, even including Senator Scott Brown , R, who claimed he was assaulted there as a youth in recent...
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