Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

image for Dancing With The Stars: Sugar Ray Leonard Gets "Knocked Out"
The gloves that Sugar Ray Leonard wore in 1989, when he defeated Thomas "Hitman" Hearns who was 32-0 at the time.

HOLLYWOOD - The boxer who holds championship belts in five different weight classes will not be getting this years Dancing With The Stars coveted Mirror Ball Trophy.

Sugar Ray Leonard and his professional dance partner Anna Trebunskaya, a native of Russia found themselves in the Bottom Three along with Disney star Chelsea Kane and her partner Mark "The Wizard of Ahhs" Ballas and super model Petra Nemcova and her dance partner Dmitry "Chuckles" Chaplin.

Petra and Dmitry were sent to safety and that left Sugar Ray Leonard and Chelsea Kane in the Bottom Two. And so after having to listen to that incessantly irritating elimination music for 48 seconds it was announced that Sugar Ray would be on his way...home.

And no one was more surprised than Mark Ballas who once again had managed to piss off the crotchety old English judge Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman.

Sugar Ray told host Tom Bergeron that he will never forget the experience of putting on a pair of tights that were so damn tight fitting that he had to place both hands in front of him in order to cover up Little Sugar Ray.

Anna blushed and said that the hardest part of the whole dancing process was not looking down at Lenny's groin region.

When they first met Anna asked Leonard if she could call him the Lenster. He said no. She then asked if she could call him Len-Len. He again said no and especially no since he did not want to be confused with the World War II relic Len Goodman.

Finally after eliminating four more possible dancing nicknames Sugar Ray agreed to the name Lenny.

Judge Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli was actually shown crying tears of sadness since he had said earlier that he had always been a fan of the boxing great and actually had three 3 foot by 5 foot posters of him in his boxing trunks hanging in his kitchen back in his villa in Ferrara, Italy.

As Sugar Ray and Anna danced their last number together Len Goodman walked over to Mark Ballas and told him again that he did not appreciate him taking the 300 year old Viennese Waltz and turning it into a Harry Potter Disneyesque type bundle of malarkey.

Ballas whispered for Goodman to shut the eff up and go to his dressing room and eat a bowl of Metamucil and wash it down with half a bottle of Geritol.

In a related Story. Kirstie "Bad Luck" Alley says that next week she may dance in her bra, giganties, and barefoot in order to avoid any type of friggin "Malfunction."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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