National Ignition Facility Ignites!
National Ignition Facility Ignites! Apparently an absent minded professor forgot to turn off the switch to the world's most powerful laser. He was rushing home to turn off the bathtub water, which he suddenly remembered he had left on. The Nati...
Read full storyDuncan Whitehead Robin Meade's Pool-boy
Atlanta - The mystery of the on-and-off again absence of famous writer Duncan Whitehead has been solved with his admission that he has taken on part-time employment as pool-boy to CNN Morning Express celebrity Robin Meade to supplement his full-time...
Read full storySwine Flu Spreads Into Cyberspace
In a startling turn of events, the H1N1 Virus, alias the Swine Flu, alias the Mexican Flu, alias the Mexican Swine Flu, alias the Dick Cheney Flu, alias the Taliban Flu, alias the Bernie Madoff Flu, alias the Enron Flu, alias the Adolf Hitler Flu, al...
Read full storyUN To Abolish Sanction On Iran
Ban Kim-Moon, great secretary of United Nations (of fools) has declared that, as of today, the years of sanctions on Iran is no more. After North Korean conducted a series of nuclear test yesterday, Iran begun building its acre long cucumber farm and...
Read full storyActivists March for Dunce Pride
The 3rd annual Dunce Pride Parade was held yesterday in Stillwater, Oklahoma. Dunces from across the United States and around the world convened to celebrate dunce pride. "We are here to say that we are dunces and we are proud", said forty-s...
Read full storyTooth Fairy in Credit Crunch Horror
The Tooth Fairy admitted today that she to was suffering from the credit crunch. The 3456 year old said that never in all her years of tooth stealing she had never been hit this hard. Her agent Chris Cross said "the tooth fairy has decided to only...
Read full storyWater in a Glass
We all know that an optimistic would see half full glass of water, while a pessimist would see a half empty one. What would people of different professions and walks of life say? A Banker would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets. The Government would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power. The Opposition party would say...
Read full storyMan Found Dead By His Dog
Apparently, a man in New Orleans was found dead by watching TV. Michael Assfock, a 32-year old bastard, was found dead on his couch by his dog, Orlando when Orlando decided to google "twitter" on Assfock's personal computer. "Pienso que fue la televi...
Read full storyCowell to marry Morgan
Britain's got Talent judges Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan announced yesterday that they were engaged. Morgan said that they would tie the knot in July. Amanda Holden who is rumored to be the maid of honour said "I'm so happy for both of them t...
Read full storyGobbling up Father Cutie-Pie
Miami, Florida - (Ultimate Last Supper Menu Mess): First Hellfiredamnation Church of the Res-erection convert Father Cutie-Pie has confided in his new-found flock about "several acts of hardcore communion" on the golden sands of West Palm Beach with...
Read full storyQueen on 24/7 suicide watch after losing Susan Boyle talent bet
London - (Frumpy Ass Mess): Hoax monarchy addict Queen Elizabeth II is under round-the-clock medical surveillance after losing a £1 million bet on her daughter Susan Boyle winning the Britain's Mein Gott! Talent contest this weekend. News of the...
Read full storyMan With World's Smallest Penis Website #1
Penis Minus Wilson, (Not his real name) the man with the world's smallest penis, who was second until the recent death of Harvey Tagbone, says that he has the most googled site on the internet. "This really works out great for me", Penis told seve...
Read full storyMissing Flight Finally Turns Up: 53 years later
In astonishing news, a passenger plane that went missing in February 1956 has arrived in JFK Airport New York earlier today. The passengers disembarked from the flight dressed exactly as they were on that chilly afternoon when they were last seen...
Read full storySusan Boyle loses, news media blames Arkansas and AT&T
London, England - Susan Boyle, the Scottish internet sensation watched by millions of people around the world, lost "Britain's Got Talent". Boyle came in second to a dance group called "Diversity" which won the title and 100,000 pounds or 159,000 dol...
Read full storyWorldwide shock as Belgium conquers Russia
World leaders across the world today were left in a state of shock as the country of Russia falls under the rule of Belgium. The news came at eleven o' clock last night, as the Belgian general Aloys Carlon broadcast the victory on worldwide televi...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart Using Stunt Doubles To Trick Paparazzi!
After what has probably been the most riveting week in The Twilight Saga: New Moon, well, photos, it appears that the work in Montepulciano, Italy is done. Lots of people saw Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart at the Airport Saturday, getting rea...
Read full storyCowell Blames Boyle's Face For Defeat
Susan Boyle has lost to dance group Diversity in the final of reality show Britain's Got Talent. Boyle came in as the runner-up to the 10-member group in a shock result following a two-hour final Saturday night, reports mirror.co.uk. She was stunn...
Read full storyEton Closes After Swine Epidemic
The exclusive Berkshire school had recently had trouble after many of its pupils prematurely turned into swines, but after the recent huge outbreak that left 3 million of its pupils in Pig-like states it has finally been shut for good. Rich parent...
Read full storyPakistan implement "Maggot Army Warfare Tactics" in Taliban warzones!
Taliban strongholds are now being systematically destroyed by the Pakistan army, airforce and a crack regiment of "SS Maggot Special Combat Troops." Pakistan has attempted to bomb the shit out of the bastards, but ultimately, achieved sweet fuck a...
Read full storyBrooklyn Girl Scout Troop Beats Chris Brown to a Pulp
NEW YORK CITY, NY - While strolling alone through a neighborhood in the Bushwick/Bedford area near Brooklyn, celebrity punk-ass Chris Brown was the victim of assault and battery by a group of girls including nine members of the Girl Scout Council of...
Read full storyGuus Hiddink To Marry Chelsea
There were great celebrations amongst Chelsea fans at the New Wembley stadium yesterday when, after their side had triumphed 2-1 over Everton in the FA Cup Final, it was announced that Guus Hiddink is to marry the club. Hiddink, 62, told reporter...
Read full storyGallant Everton in Double Whammy on FA Cup Final Day!
Brave Everton yesterday suffered a double whammy that has sent shockwaves through the tightly knit gangs that form the community of Merseyside. Despite putting in another amazing FA Cup performance and fighting like two fat birds in a pub car park...
Read full storyPiers Morgan May Be Man With World's Largest Penis, Confirms Amanda Holden
LONDON, U.K. - The Nightly Mirror has obtained an exclusive photo indicating its owner may very well be the man with the world's largest penis, though an official measurement has not yet been taken. The person in the photo? Piers Morgan! The ast...
Read full storySusan Boyle Boils As She Finishes In 2nd Place
LONDON - Queen Susan of Scotland sang her stately heart out but in the end it was not enough to overcome Diversity. The 48-year-old single singing songstress from Scotland finished second in this year's edition of Britain's Got Talent. She was...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Is Asked To Join Led Zeppelin
LONDON - American Idol runnerup Adam Lambert has just announced that he has been asked to join one of the greatest rock and roll bands of all time, Led Zeppelin. The band has been wanting to tour for the past twenty years but lead singer Robert Pl...
Read full storyThousands Make Pilgrimage to see Miracle Spud
Thousands of the faithful have made a pilgrimage to El Paso, Texas see and be blessed by what is being called the Corazon De Maria, or Heart of Mary. The object of their adoration, a heart-shaped potato. The divine spud was found by Imelda G...
Read full storyWhy the Truth about UFOs Will Never be Revealed
"UFOs are spaceships piloted by beings from outside our planet, and our officials have been making regular contact with them for decades." It's highly unlikely you will ever hear a sitting, high-level official make this declaration. Why? Because within this statement are implications which would likely destroy the fundamental foundation of our society. Listening between the lines, we actuall...
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