Susan Boyle loses, news media blames Arkansas and AT&T

Funny story written by Francine Fishpaw

Sunday, 31 May 2009

image for Susan Boyle loses, news media blames Arkansas and AT&T
Did Susan Boyle lose because of AT&T and Arkansas? Kooks seem to believe so, and demand re-count. Cry foul.

London, England - Susan Boyle, the Scottish internet sensation watched by millions of people around the world, lost "Britain's Got Talent". Boyle came in second to a dance group called "Diversity" which won the title and 100,000 pounds or 159,000 dollars.

Susan Boyle was touted by the media as the clear winner and had been featured on world talk shows like Larry King Live and Oprah.

For the finals Boyle reprized her "I Dreamed a Dream" from the musical "Les Miserables". The same song she sang for her audition in April which was viewed on the Internet more than 150 million times.

"Diversity" looked stunned, with mouths wide open, as they heard they had beaten Boyle on Saturday.

Boyle's fans had spread across the internet whining and crying that "Diversity" had cheated. Many of Boyle's fans have commented on news articles that were congratulating the dance troupe that they would never accept "Diversity" as the winners of "Britain's Got Talent", even though Boyle is guaranteed to get a great recording career.

Saturday evening after Susan Boyle lost the media started to write articles that AT&T and the state of Arkansas, in the United States, might be the culprits. Two employees of AT&T were seen showing 20 people how to vote 38 million times for "Diversity" after it was reported in the Arkansas news that one of the contestants might have a distant cousin in Little Rock. Reportedly the two AT&T employees showed the 20 Arkansans how to power text Internationally.

Sunday morning The New York Times replaced the lead story of higher unemployment in the United States with the new "Textgate", but this time in the United Kingdom. The New York Times is reportedly hot on the story.

Dori Johnson, lead New York Times reporter of British "Textgate", said she is going to get to the bottom of this even though she has admitted that she was a Susan Boyle fan and had her winning in the office pool. But Ms. Johnson said that wouldn't affect her reporting even though in United States version of Textgate showed that Dial Idol, the website that measures busy phone signals, had Kris Allen ahead of Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey votes went for Kris Allen, but she was certain that a small group of people at Arkansas watch parties voted 38 millions times like they did for Susan Boyle, even though Arkansas has a population of 2.8 million.

Reporters spoke to Susan Boyle who was still in shock about her placing second. "I should have wore more make-up and came out in a long black leather coat and sang Mad World", lamented Susan Boyle, "but I couldn't get clearance on that song, besides it would not be the same impact without a fog machine".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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