Written by The Fun Machine

Sunday, 31 May 2009

image for Eton Closes After Swine Epidemic

The exclusive Berkshire school had recently had trouble after many of its pupils prematurely turned into swines, but after the recent huge outbreak that left 3 million of its pupils in Pig-like states it has finally been shut for good.

Rich parents all over the country are in uproar over the recent happenings, one such father, Charises Bringleworthy Esquire III had this to say; 'It is absolutely preposterous, we put our trust and cash in this school to ensure that our children wouldn't become swines untill after they had finished education and were thus in a position where they had the means to accumulate masses of wealth and power. I collected my 14 year old son last week to find out that he has created five enterprises that have put 300 small businesses out of work, had he been allowed to nurture into a swine at the right time that number could've been as high as 2000, I am thoroughly disgusted and am just on my way back home so I can continue to make disapproving grunts in peace'.

The Head teacher of the £6Million A day school, David Cameron, had this to say;

'While I have no doubt that there has been loss of faith in the school, I have to highlight the fact that the quality of swine that has come prematurely is still highest grade, and while their early onset swine-ness may hamper their chances of becoming Prime Ministers, I have no doubt that there several dozen future Chancellors, Home Secretarys and Director Generals of The BBC in those young piglets who have been affected.'

Prime Minister Gordon Brown was too busy rolling around in the trough to comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: swine flu

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