Obama - "Porn And Satanic Scandal!"
In an exclusive interview for Playman magazine President Barack Obama has revealed how he and Michelle have settled into political life at the White House. "Pretty much the minute we walked through the White House door our clothes came off, politi...
Read full storyManchester United Supporting Spoofer Admits To Contemplating Suicide Following Old Trafford Scouse Debacle
"It is true. I momentarily considered suicide as I heard the latest on the match while I was at work," admitted the mediocre TheSpoof.com writer with one high ranking story to his credit. The spoof writer's dismay came from the utterly humiliating...
Read full storyMickey Rourke: Delighted to win an oscar and best "old comer" at the Shitcannes Film festival
Recent Oscar winner,career Barfly,boozehound, bare knucklehead, and prize drunk, Mickey Rourke is to star in the film adaptation of Henry Charles Bukowski's gritty urban novel, "Phuckwitz and I" alongside Al Pacino. The film 'noir' is set in 1960's New York and describes the experiences of an Irish American fighter with a penchant for drink, dames and drugs. In an incoherent ramble delivered f...
Read full storyGovernment officially registered insane
After a psychological test, all members of the government have been officially registered as insane, and have been transferred out of harms way to a very comfortable nursing home-cum-asylum somewhere near Brighton. The crunch came as a result of t...
Read full storyNorth Korea to launch chicken into orbit against Japanese protests
Pyongyang, North Korea - President Kim Jong-il announced today that North Korea would not send a satellite into orbit in April as originally planned, but will substitute the payload with a chicken. The communist government's sudden reversal of polic...
Read full storyBen and Jerry on Cherry's Cherry: "We're Straight"
NEW YORK CITY, NY - "This just goes to show how quick people are to judge," quacks Jerry, a blue duck from "the other side of the pond." He claims he and his friend Ben have been falsely labeled gay by so-called duck experts and by the media. The...
Read full storyTop Ten Books w/e 20/03/09
1) "Ghostwriter". Jordan's latest pot-boiler takes us deep into the size-zero (brain) world of modelling. 2) "Darwin? Schmarwin". This thought-provoking tome asks the question; "If natural selection really occurs, how come mankind is probably more stupid now than at any time in it's history?". With free beard. 3) "Lewis Hamilton's Monaco Cookbook". Formula One World Champion multi-millionai...
Read full storyWarrant Issued For Lindsay Lohan
A $50,000 warrant was issued for 22-year-old starlet Lindsay Lohan Friday the 13th, stemming from her May 2007 DUI arrest during a Memorial Day weekend that culminated in still another trip to rehab for the star of Freaky Friday. "In response to m...
Read full storyJade Publicist: My Cancer Crusade
The publicist working for Jade Goody has spoken of his desire to raise public awareness about his work. Clax Mifford has said that he wishes to help a "great number" of dying celebrities. "If I can earn 20% from each one then I will be able to ret...
Read full storyBelow Decks, Chapter 13 Sometimes, All is Not Well and Didn't End Well Either
Below Decks Chapter 13 Sometimes, All is Not Well (and Didn't End Well Either) Recap: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve It had been ten days since the events with the French ship. The Captain had put a prize crew on board and sent them ho...
Read full storyThe All-Time Top 15 Numbers
The Spoof Presents The All-Time Top 15 Numbers: 1. 7 2. 21 3. 18 4. 16 5. 3 6. 12 7. 62 8. 65 9. 14 10. 0 11. 29 12. 39 13. 13 14. 2 15.*666 There, is that 50 words? Just wondered if anybody was reading these magazine articles. *Poll was of 15 people, one an Osbourne. ** These make sense with the #7, the lucky numbe...
Read full storyGoody's wedding dress 'turning into a new Turin Shroud'
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The Vatican Orifice for Miracles and Portents has certified Jade Goody's wedding dress as miraculous garb after Turin Shroud-like images began to appear on its silken folds this week. This started a frenetic int...
Read full storyMan buys Wii - gets bored within days
A man from Liverpool, England, has today shockingly admitted to already being bored with the the Nintendo Wii he bought just five days ago. The man, Kevin Skelton, says that he's surprised by the rapid onset of ennui: "I bought it having seen peop...
Read full storyA letter from Michael Phelps to the POTUS
Dear President Obama, As you may know, I recently used "bad judgment" and engaged in behavior that has landed me in hot water with the American people in general, and Kellogg's in particular. I'm writing to you today because I'd like to ask a favor. Could you please legalize marijuana, like, immediately? As a politician, I know this is a hot button issue and you must tread lightly betwee...
Read full storyMadoff probe switches to Mossad London bureau chief and exiled Russian mobster Berezovsky
London - (Plutonium-210 Mess): The Bernard Madoff Ponzi scam probe has turned its attention to Mossad's London bureau chief and International Foundation for Diabolical Liberties founder, the exiled Russian mobster Boris Berezovsky. The 63 year-ol...
Read full storyObama considers Bush for new role as financial adviser
Washington - Sources close to President Obama have disclosed today that George W. Bush is to become the new presidential financial advisor within the next few weeks. The White House has not issued a formal recommendation to Congress and has hinted t...
Read full storyFears of profanity trade war prompts foul mouthed stock exchange of words
Fears of protectionism as Europe and America use homegrown profanities in place of imported filthy words, phrases, gestures and comments. Before the economic downturn, the G8 nations operated a more or less, level playing field for trading insult...
Read full storyIn-car microwave "perfectly safe"
The selling of an in-car microwave oven from one of the biggest and best specialist retailer of consumer electronics, was declared "perfectly safe" by a team from a top driving and road safety organisation today. The Top-of-dashboard mounted unit...
Read full storySome Of TV's Best New Comedies Set Appear This Spring
The best TV shows coming out this spring, according to the critics are Comedies once again, instead of reality shows. After many years of reality and drama reigning supreme on the boob tube, this year's midseason offerings are finally proving that...
Read full storyMythbusters to split, Savage retires from fun
In shocking news that has literally affected the whole of the internet, the Mythbusters team, popularised in the show Mythbusters, have decided to cancel the show after co-host Adam Savage announced his retirement from the whole business of having fu...
Read full storyKatona's Millions Found in Boot of Taxi
Experts investigating the whereabout of bankrupt ex-atomic kitten star Kerry Katona's fortune are one step closer to solving the mystery this morning, after £9 million pounds was found in the boot of a taxi in a Manchester car park. Just hours aft...
Read full storyRiots at O2 as Jacko Revealed as David Van Day
Up to 200 people received 'minor injuries' in London yesterday when a riot broke out outside the O2 arena, after it was announced that Michael Jackson's 50 date comeback was a sophisticated hoax, and the spooky star was in fact dead. Thousands of...
Read full storyTeen queens, Vanessa Hudgens & Brenda Song cast in Twilight's Eclipse
Vanessa Hudgens and Brenda Song have been recently cast in Twilight's third movie Eclipse. Vanessa and Brenda, both 20, reportedly have a major part in the third movie a source has revealed. Vanessa will portray Lauren Mallory, who is a silver blonde...
Read full storyPresident Blair's first year reviewed
Brussels, April 9th, 2010 - EEC President and Middle East Peace Commisioner Sir Anthony Blair (Lord Blair of Sedgefield), PMF (USA), has had a distinguished first year as first President of the EEC. His brave move in granting amnesty for all asylum-s...
Read full storyBrobama To Buy The Amazon Rain Forest
LAREDO, Texas - President Barack Obama visited the border city of Laredo, Texas and told a crowd of over 50,000 that had assembled on Fulano De Tal's 100,000 acre John Doe Ranch that he understands their concern, worry, and apprehension regarding the...
Read full storyThe Ten Things Bernie Madoff Will Have To Remember In Prison
(New York-NY) Chris Rock said, I paraphrase, "Every time I watch the news, and I see a crime being committed, I say 'Please don't let it be a brother. Please don't let it be a brother' Then, I see the footage. Damn." I feel the same way as a Jew with Bernie Madoff. Is it my age, the downside of 50? My parents weren't Survivors, but they knew Survivors. Pogrom fear? One of the first things I di...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Hated In Liverpool
There was more reaction to the comments spoken by Wayne Rooney today, when, after the Manchester United and England star had said he hated Liverpool on Thursday, people in that city revealed their own feelings towards him - and they seemed to be pret...
Read full storyNew ITV show "disgusting"
The new ITV show "Celebrity Food Finders", in which a celebrity has to last a day on food found in bins or the street, is "disgusting" and below even ITV's level, says its chairman. B-lister comedian Joe Pasquale was shown rummaging through dustb...
Read full storyMan UTI and Sclerosis of the Liverpool Fight to the Death
Manchester Urinary Track Infection will be trading blood and urine samples with Sclerosis of the Liverpool in the Internist Disease Olympics. Man Uti has defeated the SCL Liverpool squad in three out of four body fluid exams this season. Inte...
Read full storyChris Brown and Rihanna to Star in All in the Family Remake
The two decade hit sitcom, All in the Family, immortalized an abusive husband and his forgiving victim of a wife. After recent auditions held in courts and jails for verisimilitude, TV stations, British and Colonial are fighting over signiong rights.
Read full storyJade Goody's Cremains to Be Auctioned Online
Not long after Roamin Catholics were celebrating mortality with their Dust to Dust Wednesday routine on the heels of their Fat Tuesday Pork-out, the Goody family, publicist and salavating heirs announced their plans for the burny remains of the not d...
Read full storyOops! Britney Spears New Song "If You Seek Amy" Stirs Up Controversy!
LOS ANGELES - Oops! Britney Spears has gone and done it again. She has stirred up quite a hornet's nest with her latest music video. The song she sings in the video is titled "If You Seek Amy." And at first it seems like a perfectly innocent song...
Read full storySupermarket to Open Mom and Pop Hardware Store
Chicago, Il. - Supermarket giant Wally-mart today announced that it would take over a vacant storefront and open a neighborhood hardware store. The storefront, a former dod & wow video store, had been vacant for ten years after a Wally-mart opene...
Read full storySomali pirates audacious kidnap of British town
In amazing scenes unwitnessed in the annals of British history (um, I think so anyway), Somali pirates have kidnapped the entire town of Greenodd in Cumbria and flown all the residents to Mogadishu, the Somalian capital. British police believe th...
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