Michelle Obama's Inaugural Gown Revealed!
The secret is finally out - Michelle Obama has picked a virtually unknown Chicago-based designer to fashion her inaugural gown. Details of the gown have just been leaked by E!. Designer Cécelia Hendrickson has fashioned the floor-length, A-lin...
Read full storyChelsea Fans Who Left Early To Have Their Season Tickets Confiscated
A briiliant comeback by Chelsea saw them beat Stoke City 2-1 at Stamford Bridge this afternoon, but there was bad news for many hundreds of the Blues fans who had already walked out of the ground early- they are to have their season tickets confiscat...
Read full storyNBC Announce Hogan's Heroes in Gauntanamo Concept
Television network NBC have proudly announced the production of its newest sitcom is set to begin next spring.Entitled "Asama's Heroes" the show will use the concept from 60's show Hogan's Heroes which will see inmates regularly escaping the Guantana...
Read full storyWin a Date With Twilight's Robert Pattinson
Good news for single Twilight fans - you can't now win a date with Robert Pattinson, the actor who played Edward Cullen in Twilight! Access Hollywood has just divulged the details of the contest. Interested females between the ages of 18 and 24 ar...
Read full storyEx-Boyfriend: Oprah Smoked Crack Cocaine, Ate Whole Cheesecakes, Baby Seals
According to an article on ImaLyingImaDying.web and a new video all over the net, Opray Winfrey has not been so forthcoming about her past to her friends and audience. In a new book by her ex-lover, the talk show millionaire had been a cocaine...
Read full story"Boy George tried to kill me" claims his career
Eighties Gender Bending, flamboyant hat wearing, baroque, former culture club singer, Boy George was today convicted of the attempted murder of his career. 'Queenie' Counsel, Judge David Radford of Snaresbrook Crown Court in East London said the...
Read full storyTwo chips on Black
John O'Neill and his Swift Boat Veterans for Truth have announced that Barrak Obama is really not Black O'Neill was quoted by the International Enquirer as saying "He just painted his face and hired a Black woman to pretend to be his wife "...
Read full story"Superbowl for Dummies" released throughout the World
Twickenham - The World Final Super Bowl XLIII Tickets (Raymond Jones Stadium, Tampa, Fl. - Feb. 1, 2009) are not selling well outside the US. So publishers Blume & Bialistock have decided to issue a simple explanation of the game for those who "d...
Read full storyAnother Weird Divorce
In Palm Beach, Florida last week the weird world of divorce and alimony took still another twist. Andrew Crookham of Palm Beach Apartments had challenged paying alimony to his former wife, Beatrice, arguing that their agreement called for him to p...
Read full storyThomas the Tank Engine "Proud to Carry Obama"
Quainton Road, Bucks - Thomas was "Chuffed!" said a spokesperson, "When we got the call from the US, he made tracks immediately to speed to the President Elect's request." "We had to keep the news secret, under threat of water-boarding or extraord...
Read full storyQueen's 'involuntary euthanasia' fears ahead of Obama inauguration day
Ballybollox Castle - (AssoCIAted Mess): The Queen has barricaded herself into the Oswald Mosley Blackshirt Memorial Wing in Ballybollox Castle. Courtiers fear she suspects she will be 'involuntarily euthanised' in a 1936 royal copycat procedure, t...
Read full storyManchester City sign Kate Winslet
Mark Hughes today signed actress Kate Winslet, to 'shore up our defence a bit, and put a bit of backbone into the team. Our abysmal away record can only be improved by Kate, and she'll be pulling on the famous blue shirt today - in front of the crowd...
Read full storyPope blames Gay Mile High Club shenanigans for 'Miracle on the Hudson' US Airways crash
Vatican City - (Cum-Fly-With-Me! Mess): The Pope has waded into the 'Miracle on the Hudson' controversy and blamed it on a punitive Act of God for rampant Gay Mile High Club shenanigans. "I haf seen ze 1980 movie Airplane! zo I know vot I am talk...
Read full storyIsrael raids Entebbe again, but this time it's no more Mr. Nice Guy
An Israeli El-Al jet was hijacked by Palestinians and flown to the Ugandan city of Entebbe, just as in 1976, and the Israeli Defense Force quickly moved into action to release the hostages on the plane. But this time it was no more Mr. Nice Guy. F...
Read full storyThey're Off: Two US Banks Fall At The First
National Bank of Commerce trained in Berkeley, Illinois and Bank of Clark County of Vancouver, Washington were first fence fallers in the 2009 Grand US National Banking Steeplechase. There were 25 fallers in last years race, up from only three in...
Read full storyOJ and Jessica In Next Dancing With the Stars
Heisman Trophy winner, actor and convicted felon, O.J. Simpson, will be released from prison intermittently to appear on the next ABC 'Dancing With The Stars' go-round with partner, Jessica Simpson. "It was a genius pairing," 'Dancing With The Sta...
Read full storyUseless Gifts 1 : The Clapper
Nothing says, "I wish you'd get trampled by a parade of gorillas" like giving someone a clapper. There's only a few reasons someone of reasonable intelligence would buy someone a clapper: - The person you're getting it for is too old to flip a light switch and you want to rub it in - The person you're getting it for is too paralyzed to flip a light switch and you want to rub it in -...
Read full storyThe Curious Case of Pietro Paisan
Growing up in a small town outside the city center of Florence, Pietro Paisan knew almost from birth, that he was destined for greatness. With a gift for the oratory and sculptured facial features, teenage Pietro found his way on Italian television as a mid-day soap opera star. The career was short lived however, as his playboy character was killed off my an enraged husband carrying a Bocce Ball...
Read full storyDivorce - An Awesome Gift
Tired of seeing his face every day first thing in the morning? Tired of hearing her nag and scream in a shrill voice every time she catches you masturbating into her sock drawer to pictures of Paris Hilton? Is every waking moment for each of you pure torture? Do you fantasize about flipping out and smothering your partner in his/her sleep because you just can't take any more of his/...
Read full storyManchester City In for £200m Terry and £2.99 Leeds Utd.
Unconfirmed reports emanating from The City Of Manchester Stadium this morning suggest Manchester City are planning to follow up their attempts to sign Kaka from AC Milan with an audacious double swoop for Chelsea's penalty king John Terry and Leeds...
Read full storyDarling "one big bad bank" will turn toxic asses to profits
Darling told the FootzWootz Times, in response to Brown's statements about bank executives not wiping themselves properly today, that one "big bad bank" is needed. "We need to take all these bankers who can't wipe themselves properly and place the...
Read full storySecretary of Agriculture Willie Nelson Flying To Africa
AUSTIN, Texas - Secretary of Agriculture Willie Nelson will be flying to Africa on January 21, the day after President Barack Obama's inaguration. Secretary Nelson will be going to Kenya on a personal search and find mission for the new President.
Read full storyHalle Berry To Portray Obama In Movie
Hollywood CA-- Academy Award winning actress Halle Berry was chosen today to portray the early years of Barack Obama. The biographical movie will focus on Obama's early years in Hawaii. Ms. Halle said she's thrilled to be chosen for such an importa...
Read full storyBrown urges banks to 'wipe themselves clean'
The prime minister has demanded that banks admit how many "toxic asses" they have on their sheets. Gordon Brown told the Footzwootz Times the banks had to "wipe themselves clean" of toxic asses so people could stand the smell of them again. He...
Read full storyManchester City Arab Owners To Drill For Oil In Eastlands Car Park
There was more astonishing news at glamour club Manchester City this morning, when it emerged that the club's oil-rich Arab billionaires Sheikh Mansour and club chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak have decided that, to fund the purchase of AC Milan's Kaka,...
Read full storyArrested For Calling His Dog
A man was arrested today in Margate Kent after calling his dog in the local park. Mr W. Carrot, who was already down on his luck having just stepped in a steaming pile of dog poo while cleaning up his own pooch's mess, explained to our reporter:...
Read full storyMedical certificate required before eating at Ramsay restaurants
Gordon Ramsay has pre-empted a European Union decision requiring customers to produce medical certificates to eat in a restaurant. Due to the increasing use of the blame and reward culture imported from the USA, where millions of dollars have been pa...
Read full storySomali Pirates Hijack Airplane Survivors on the Hudson River
For the past 24 hours, there has been growing speculation that the passenger count on the US Airways' Airbus that ditched in the Hudson was not accurate. Initially, it had been reported that there were 155 passengers and crew. Now, based on mis...
Read full storyApple and Microsoft Skirmish over Losing Jobs
Redmond WA - Software giant Microsoft announced it will be laying off five thousand staff as result of the economic slowdown. The announcement followed close on the heels off Apple announcing that Steve Jobs was taking a leave of absence due to a hor...
Read full storyOh Boy! By George... Oh' Dowd!
George O'Dowd of Boy George fame has found hisself in cuffs afta demandin the same of a male escort. The Uncultured Boyo is reported to have clubbed his Boy Prostitute with the help of a gay old mate. G O'D defended hisself in court by expalin...
Read full storyIsraelis Blow Up Gaza City Deli
In the battle for the Gaza Strip, the Israeli Air Force has launched a full out attack on a delicatessan in Gaza City. Air Force Colonel Wolfie Fcuck said that the food at the Gaza City Real Jewish Deli and Mosque was deplorable: "The gefilte fi...
Read full storyMethane Gas Cloud Leads To Alien Toilet Discovery
NASA scientists have announced that the recent discovery of methane gas on the planet Mars has led to another find after sattelite footage picked up a structure which many experts claim to be the first sighting of an alien public toilet. "This is...
Read full storyAndrew Wyeth Dies Crawling Across a Field in a Dress
The author of the famous painting of Christina, a crippled woman who dragged herself across her property rather than use a wheelchair, has died. Andrew Wyeth was loved by 19th century realists and pretty much deplored by artists and critics who lived...
Read full storyUFO Disguised as AirBus Lands In Hudson River
An alien spaceship in the form of an earthling airplane landed in plain sight in the Hudson river between New York and New Jersey, according to a leading global news fabricator. The government cover story is some bull and cock tale about a brave and...
Read full story'Dancing With The Stars' Wants Cindy McCain
HOLLYWOOD, California - Cindy McCain was asked by the producers of the television hit show, "Dancing With The Stars" to appear on the show. Cindy was extremely flattered as well as tremendously thrilled. She told the show's producers that she woul...
Read full storyNigerian Email Con Merchant Foiled By Dodgy Peckham Market Trader
This afternoon, Peckham market trader Bell Boy Frotter revealed to the spoof.com how he outwitted a sophisticated Nigerian email scam ring by "not being a mug." Bell Boy explains: "I'd just bought a job lot of tsunami damaged roulette tables fr...
Read full storyRussell Brand Says That Champagne, Flowers And Chocolates Are Not The Way To A Woman's Heart
Alleged comedian, and lying low in the US comedy scapegoat Russell Brand this morning revealed to this reporter that the secret to having your wicked way with two thousand plus women lay not in plying them with champagne, flowers, and Belgian chocola...
Read full storyKaka for sale on e-bay
Brazilian star Kaka is up for sale on e-bay. His current club, Italian giants AC Milan, have decided to move out of the box, so to speak, and have put their influential playmaker on the open market. Two bids have been made to date but the reserve,...
Read full storyDaft Bastard Lands Stricken Hot Air Balloon On Concrete Playground - Breaks Head
Hot air balloon pilot, Billy Sollocks of Basingstoke, Hants, frequently described as a 'daft bastard' by work colleagues earlier today narrowly averted complete disaster when, after losing control of his hot air balloon in the skies somewhere near Ba...
Read full story